How to prepare baby for when I go back to work?

[mcrlover]

I just got offered a job at 4 x my previous salary. Since DH spends more than he earns (his main industry has been replaced by AI already), I'll need to be the main breadwinner, and this job offer feels too good an opportunity to give up.

But my 6mo baby cries desperately when I leave her for more than an hour, and her separation anxiety is getting worse, not better.

I'll start the new job when she's 9 months - it's 30 hours a week. My close friend is a nanny and has offered to care for her, for those 30 hours a week.

Any advice on how to prepare baby, so that this separation is possible in 3 months' time? Really worried about taking the job and abandoning baby to be miserable!

The first thing to do is to start getting DH to take her out regularly. If he has a day off, he needs to be taking her out for at least a couple of hours or you could leave the house for a couple of hours and leave them to it?

There are lots of things you can do to help with separation anxiety too. Games like Peek-a-Boo help baby process that you disappear but come back.

Leaning into the separation anxiety when you’re together helps too. So if you leave the room, take her with you. I used to have a small box of things to explore for them upstairs to keep them busy for a couple of minutes of I needed to go upstairs. If you’re in the kitchen you could put her in the high chair with something to play with?

Are you also after advice on what to do about your H problem?

How do you know she's crying for you after an hour? Is this your DH guilting you into coming back and not doing his share of parenting when you try to do anything else?

She will be OK. She's got another stable carer with her all the time you're at work. Start to go out for 2,3,4 hours and leave her with DH.

Babies cry. It's OK, she will be completely fine. A 9 month old is also a completely different beast to a 6 month old. Positive attitude and you'll all get fine

Dad steps up and and expierend nanny. Baby will do fine!

I went back to work at 10 months for 30 hours a week with dc1.

The main thing is feeding - I was ebf and my baby didn’t want to wean to a bottle. It was brutally hard but we got baby onto a formula milk. Start that journey early if you’re breast feeding.

How have you decide to wean - will you be doing baby-led or mush?

Get the baby used to a routine you will follow for work. So for example - wake up at 7.30am and dress and cuddle, and then take baby out for a walk at 8.30am. Then you are both ready for being out in fresh air at that time of day. It sounds harsh in January but do it anyway - my 1 week old dc2 did the school run in -4 degrees and was fine, it did me a world of good.

My babies always woke by about 6am and ready for nap at 9am which was massively inconvenient as risked falling asleep on the trip to nursery which then after ten mins sleep in the car or pram left them very grumpy! So get a sleep routine in place which avoids that problem.

Also think about socialisation - go to a baby club, cafes etc - get baby used to new sights and sounds and smells.

As pp says - being away from you is important, go and stay with mil or your mum if possible regularly at weekends - be around but not in the room all the time

Lastly naps! How do you get your baby to nap and how will the nanny do it? Try and align on a method that works - getting baby self soothe and sleep in a cot will help everyone.

Go out for a couple hours on Saturday and leave baby at home with her dad. Switch off your phone. Then build up the frequency of doing this.

I would emply the nanny now for 2 mornings a week if possible. Stay with her for the first 2 weeks, then start popping out for an hour for the next couple of weeks gradually build the time the banny is there and the time you spend away from the house while she is there.

I know it will mean a bit of a financial investment you don't 'need', but I think it will be worth it. It is really hard and expect a difficult few months, but it will be OK.

As someone who works in a nursery - all the advice above about getting your baby used to other people caring for her is great advice, just for short times at first. Feeding - they need to be able to happily take milk in a cup or bottle. Sleeping - being able to self soothe is also vital otherwise it will be a long day for your baby and your nanny!! We often have babies start with us who are exclusively breast fed and also breast fed to sleep - it takes much longer for these babies to settle as it is such a big change for them. Good luck x

Thanks for much for all your advice - it's been going great! We took your advice and started her with the nanny, short sessions at first and gradually building up, and they seem to be bonding really well.

And we've found a great nursery and have worked out a schedule so she'll only be at nursery max 4 hours a day and the rest of the time with nanny or with us. Still with plenty of time for work.

Daily routine is still taking time to adjust, but getting better pretty quickly! Thank you all so much!

I’d be wary of employing a friend as a nanny. There’s lots of room for things to go wrong and your friendship being spoilt.

How will you deal with bringing up things you’re unhappy with. Leaving your baby for the first time may be difficult for you quite likely and it would be easy to become jealous of the time she gets to spend with them.