that you shouldn’t tell your spouse to “fucking shut your mouth, shut the fuck up”

[Hehatesme]

Me and DH have had issues for a while, mostly his lack of financial contribution and laziness. He threw a tantrum the other night and theatrically went to “sleep” in the spare room after I told him not to snap at me. he came back when I was “asleep” and slept normally. Woke up like nothing had happened.

When I approached him later that day to talk about it (calmly) he got annoyed saying “you don’t want to escalate this”, “this isn’t shouting, you don’t want to see me shouting”. I stupidly said, “well if I get some answers then we will have to escalate it”

He then screamed “fucking shut your mouth, shut the fuck up”. I was sitting down and he was standing in front of me. Then he pulled a load of laundry off the bed and threw it over the room.

aibu to think this isn’t a “normal” way to argue?

It doesn't matter if it's normal or not, just whether it's acceptable to you and you want something different. You don't need anyone's approval to end the relationship if it doesn't work for you, whether it's normal, abusive, abnormal etc

We all see normal differently based on our own experiences. Normal to me in my 20s with a shouting, wall punching, insulting boyfriend looks very different to my normal with my now husband, who has never raised his voice to me, has never punched a wall and contributes 50:50 in all aspects. Some relationships might be somewhere in between.

I found it very hard to label whatever I was in in my 20s, I tried talking to friends and family and the advice was always poor, they only saw the good sides of him, however ultimately it was me that cried myself to sleep alone and it was me that said I had had enough.

Exactly

Do you even have to ask

He’s ruined you financially, he’s abusive and probably one day he’s going to hit you rather than throw something. He’s a waste of space. Walk away and save yourself.

He’s over stepped the mark there’s no come back from this whether you accept that or not. You may work through it but that will always be there and it will definitely happen again. He doesn’t respect you.