Sharing Baby Clothes

[FunnyOrca]

I had a baby in the last 6 months. She is a very long awaited baby with a lot of attached feelings and healing.

My sister has always been on the fence about having children but upon meeting the niece, decided it was for her and got pregnant 1st try. I’m happy for her and so excited that the cousins will be so close in age! (Less than a year age gap)

I obviously worked to contain my excitement until she hit 12 weeks. I had sort of in my head that I would offer her stuff, but I would like it back if we manage to have another baby. She very much knows my plans to have another one (or two 🤞) but she said she is “one and done”. Our parents have given me a lot of stuff, as excited first time grandparents!

Sister mentioned in a casual throwaway comment something along the lines of borrowing “everything” and here I think I might be being over emotional! There are some items that just feel so special. Some things bought in hope before she was conceived and then things from special moments that we had been dreaming of for so long. I’ve checked and actually none of these were from our parents. But my sister has seen them and they are memorable as there are lots of family photos of baby wearing them (making the memories that feel so special).

Would it be unreasonable to not give these clothes to my sister? They are all gender neutral. Should I say beforehand? I feel like I’m being mean but I would be heartbroken if they got washed out or poo stained (my sister is a lot less meticulous). I know they are only clothes and my baby is here and with me, which is obviously the important thing.

Of course, I might feel differently after making and loving the baby and want to share those things with them. Sorry this feels like such a ramble! I’m just very hormonal! 😂

Just make a "memory box" for your baby, and put your favorite things in it and tuck it away. You don't have to give her everything. She will want to buy at least some things for her own baby too, surely.

Your dsis can provide for her own dc imo.

Pack them away as your dc outgrows them. Tell dsis they are in storage for dc2..... And don't feel bad... If she can afford to ttc she can afford her own stuff.

Keep a memory box of the things that you definitely want and give her the rest but let her know you’d like them back if you were to have another baby.

Yes put your favourites in a memory box and dont mention it.
I used my favourites and have them made into quilts for the children's bed 😍

I do pass on everything else 😊

I gave my sister most of my old baby clothes (to get them out of my house mostly!) but I kept back special ones that had sentimental value and she absolutely understood. Things like the outfit my DS came home from hospital in or special things I made or we were gifted.

She will get a lot of gifts for her own DC and she will choose things that become her favourites so don’t feel bad about it

I had a newborn (up to 12m box) of all of the boring bits that went between 7/8 babies in the family. All gender neutral bits. Anything special I kept and anything I specifically wanted back I said "if this survives"
Don't feel bad bout keeping the special stuff but equally don't get too attached if you want 3 kids, I've got three and I'm actively trying to get rid of everything!

Only give her stuff you don't mind not getting back. I personally only gave stuff away after DC2 (assuming final DC) and I think that's totally normal. Baby clothes are SO cheap on vinted and there are always other people willing to give them away.
I wouldn't expect to get clothes from anyone who hadn't completed their family to be honest and I certainly wouldn't ask!

Another vote for a memory box of everything that’s important to you.

Even though she is your sister, don’t expect to get everything back and if you do for it to be the same condition. So if it’s important to you, don’t lend it to her.

You don't owe her anything. If you feel
comfortable sharing some things, then so be it, but you certainly shouldn't feel remotely guilty into keeping whatever you wish. Especially those really special keepsake items. I've kept some of my child's things and no way would I let them out of my sight. There are so many special memories attached to them. I'm shocked she can be so unthinking in her approach. She can provide for her own child.

If she’s not the sentimental type, a bundle from vinted (rewashed and doublechecked for stains) might do her just as well if you have the energy for it.

I highly doubt your sister will have done an inventory of everything you have for your baby. Just share what you are happy to and keep whatever you want.
I saved things from DC1 for DC2 as there were no other children in the family at that point and honestly some things I saved didn’t appeal after a couple of years in storage other things didn’t fit at the right seasons. By DC4 there were lots of other nephews and nieces plus three siblings, he had so much handed down I liked buying him his own clothes!

Just make a bundle of the stuff you’re happy to pass on (knowing it might not come back) and then put special things in a memory box, and others in a box for dc2. She can’t haw everything surely. Is it just clothes or equipment too?

My sister lent me some stuff when we had our first child, and I really regretted it.
It was super hard to keep track on what clothes were hers (we're not particularly organised people either), then it was a pain to return the baby bed and other bigger items. And ultimately we had to buy everything for our next child anyway.
I'm sure there are stuff we lost or forgot to return (I don't think she noticed or cared).

We are very grateful for things that are given to us, but we don't borrow any baby items if the person is expecting us to return it (unless it's to try it out or emergency).

If you're set on having more children, then I would only lend her items you would be happy to give away.

If your parents have paid for a lot of stuff for you, and can't do that for her, then it would be nice to share some (particularly the expensive items). But again you need to be ok with the fact that they might not come back in the condition you want to, or come back at all.

Keep a few special items and give her the rest. Totally fine.

How would she know what you’ve lent her and haven’t? Surely she can’t know all your belongings.

I would keep everything i wanted to use for a second child.

It is easy for baby clothes to get stained and ruined, especially when it comes to weaning. If there are any you are not bothered about using for a second you could give those but I would not be giving anything else, by giving them you are risking bad feeling if they come back damaged/ faded/stained

She has seen baby every second day since birth pretty much. We are very close. Baby was in the newborn size for 6 weeks and we only had five baby grows in the size. So she will have seen a lot of them! Two of them were particularly cute but also special, one bought years ago and her first outfit, and the other was her coming home outfit. These are the two in particular I want to hold onto but also the ones I think she’ll be looking for. I was thinking I might just buy her two cute ones that are very much my sister’s taste to “replace” them.

My sibling has just had a baby . I’ve kept back about 6 items but given them absolutely everything else.

Thank you everyone. I currently have 3 baby grows and two cardigans set aside. I am happy to give everything else to her as I know I can trust her to return at least enough for another baby.

To the person who asked about equipment, I think it will be a mix. I would be very happy to never see my Moses basket again! This will be the only thing baby will have outgrown by the time cousin arrives.

Keep back everything you want to hang on to and give her the basics. If she questions it say ‘I’m hanging on to that for sentimental reasons.’

If your sister is a reasonable person then I'd just explain to her as you said it - that you are happy to lend her most of the clothes but there are a couple of items that are so special to you that you want to keep, as you love to look back at them periodically to remember special moments (present tense - ie you are still using them for emotional reasons), and you would be really upset if they got damaged and don't want to put that on her as you know how messy it can get with a baby!

Thinking about it the other way around, I wouldn't want to borrow clothes that were so precious to someone else - waaaay too much pressure to not damage them - and would much prefer to just borrow the stuff they don't mind me accidentally ruining with poo stains/in the wash etc!