Not attending my cousins wedding?

[6feetfromtheedge]

My cousin has lived abroad for a long time and is now getting married later this year. I haven't seen her for years and years. Growing up we lived in different parts of the country. Myself, DH and DS have been invited along with all other members of our family. My DS will just have started primary school so I'm reluctant to take him out to attend. At a push he could miss Friday afternoon, get a late flight then 2 hr transfer to a hotel, wedding Saturday, and home Sunday afternoon. It seems a lot of travel, and the cost on top of that would be close to a grand for the 3 of us. I feel horrible because it's my cousin and I feel I should go but I don't think I can justify that. My other family with no kids or kids not of school age are going and making a weeks holiday of it.

You haven't seen her for years and years and it would be a faff to attend. I wouldn't even think about going.

Go and leave DH and DS at home, me and DH have done this when date doesn’t work for DC or they aren't invited.

DH has been to two cousins weddings without me, but other family members there. I've been to two different godchildren's weddings, and my sister was also invited and her DH stayed home.

If lots of your family are going, it might be nice for you to go alone and have a good weekend together?

You're never obliged to go to anyone's wedding, especially abroad. Also, and I mean this in a nice way, they may well have only invited you as you're family and not really expect you to say yes and they may not be disappointed at all. This is based on the relationship with them that you've described.

I say politely decline, wish them the best and don't worry about it again.

Not at all, and let's be honest, she probably only invited you because it is polite and she would be quite happy to see you. It doesn't sound like you have the kind of relationship where she will be offended you can't make it.
I would probably send a card and gift though

If you haven’t seen her for years then I would imagine that she has invited you to be polite, and would be quite happy if you came, but wouldnt actually care if you declined.

Decline and send a nice gift.

I had thought about this, it's still the cost that could be going towards our family holiday though, and DS doesn't do very well if I'm away, so I would just worry and not enjoy it (I know that's not very good but it's just the way he's always been).

If you haven't seen them for years, then I wouldn't worry about declining, or as others have suggested, go on your own and catch-up with family you haven't seen for ages without having DH and DC in tow.

Yeah I don't think she would be upset that I'm not there as such - but it might be hurtful to think that family haven't made an effort?

If he's only just started school he's probably only 4 so you won't get fined for taking him out as below statutory age and he probably won't miss anything vital. But if you don't want to go you aren't obliged to.

I once declined a cousin's wedding that was a short bus ride away! Refuse. YANBU.

You're overthinking it. If you haven't seen her for years you're probably just a politeness invitation and she will be a bit relieved when you reply No.

It's an invitation not a summons - if you don't want to go, don't go!

I wouldn't even consider going, tbh. It was polite of her to invite you, but you're not close family seeing as you haven't seen each other in years. Just send a nice card and gift? And keep your money for your own holiday.

When did she last come over here?
Effort works both ways
Don't stress over it

Honestly, I would decline. It sounds like it is either a polite invite or a duty invite. Do what works for you and your family.