Am I selfish to gatekeep my hairdresser for myself?

[Catbrations]

I got my hair done this morning. A wash and cut and I love it.

My mother liked it and she expressed an interest in going to my hairdresser. She expressed an interest before. I usually lie to her tell her he's booked out for weeks or he's not taking any new clients. It's just he is on the expensive end I think. I appreciate his work. I know my mother would resent his charges and she will likely rest his work and charges and she will likely trash talk him behind his back and behave all entitled.

It's just, I would be embarrassed if she was to behave badly and if I recommended him to her and I am associated with that. That's not to say that maybe someone could genuinely have an issue with a hair service and would like it rectified. It's just j know from the start, my mother will likely go in wanting to find fault with something.

So, my hair dresser is mine and I don't want to share him with her. Am I bad for lieing.

I feel bad for gatekeeping him because he will likely make her feel like a million bucks too and it would be nice for her but I know her too much too, she won't appreciate his work will likely go into him wanting to find fault and resenting his charges. So I am afraid she will have to find her own hairdresser.

That's not my intention to deny people work. I think, more than likely what could possibly happen is that my mother will get me to book for her and it's likely she could decided just not to go in the end and leave me to deal with the fall out. If she does go, it's likely she may not display an outburst in front of my hairdresser but she will likely trash talk him at every opportunity. She would only just continue to trash talk him if I get any more hair appointments done and undermining his work. I am trying to protect my hairdresser and the hair service and hair relationship that I have. Not to deny him work.

My DD is only 12 but likes make up and is in ladies clothes (albeit size 4!). I am SO careful to not say “Oh that’s nice I might get one for myself” even though her make up is amazing, like MUA-level and she picks such lovely clothes out. My mum used to want to come on shopping trips with me and my friends and I hated it with a passion, made my skin crawl. But my relationship with my mother is so complex and rooted in trauma. What I’d give for a normal relationship where I could share a hairdresser with her.

Yeah that’s standard where I live. But IMO it’s worth it, my hairdresser is like an artist! But my mum is of the “How much!” Train of thought when things are more expensive than about £7.50

Oh my goodness, I am sorry to hear this. That's awful and horrible. I think I am somewhat lucky and maybe my mother wouldn't behave like that and have disrespect towards other people like gay or black people. She would disrespect women easily and other minorities that would be different and a different culture or dress sense. I remember walking through malayasia airport a few years ago with my mother and mother pointed and laughed at all of the different people.

I don't think my mother is as bad as yours.

I do think she would have an outburst based on resentment towards a charge. She will expect a haircut proce of 20 or 30 years ago.

Yes, I think a lot that could happen in relation to my mother would be resentment on price more than anything else and she would likely expect a haircut price from 20 or 30 years ago.

75 quid for a wash and cut?.who's doing it, Vidal Sassoon?

YANBU because good hairdressers are like gold dust and if someone is going to potentially mess around with the unicorn I have found then I will block and gatekeep as much as I need to.

Sorry. Really not sorry at all.

If the person can be trusted to behave reasonably and not tank my (very valuable) relationship with my hairdresser, I will pass over the number / contact details without any hesitation.

My wash, cut, conditioning treatment and blow dry costs £15.

Just tell the hairdresser she’s a nightmare cancels at short notice complained and bad mouthed all her previous hairdressers
and it’s upto him but please don’t feel obliged to take her on because your a customer

I came on this thread expecting to say YABU, but you really really aren't!

You asked if you are selfish to gatekeep your hairdresser for yourself, I don't think that's what you are doing at all. I think you are protecting your hairdresser from your mother, and protecting your professional relationship with them. I wouldn't tell your mother either!

Maybe you should suggest your daughter take you shopping and pick stuff out for you? She might appreciate her fashion sense being acknowledged by you.

She likes to do my make up, and did it in full when I went for brunch with friends a few weeks ago. Problem was her lovely young-person make up doesn’t quite suit my older face and I had to re-do it a bit in secret because I looked a bit like a transvestite 🙃 lesson learnt.