To constantly feel guilty about spending money?

[timboe]

I work in a job that basically controls my life. I am expected to work on weekends and even on holidays if someone asks me to. I have very little control. The hours are long. The upside however, is that I am paid very well compared to most people.

Whenever I spend money on things I feel guilty. I don’t own anywhere but have enough for a deposit if I left London. I don’t want the risk of a massive mortgage on a flat near the office.

How do I get over this sense of guilt? It’s slightly ridiculous as I feel bad for days after spending say £100 on a new skirt but then don’t mind so much spending £80 on a nice dinner out somewhere or £200 on flights to visit a friend.

you need a new job. thats your main problem.

What are your parents attitude to money like?

My brother had therapy around money issues. Could be worth it for you.

Do you plan to buy somewhere? I am lucky to own the place I live and it increases my sense of security enormously.

This is a self esteem thing. I was brought up to think I had to make do, it made me feel I didn't deserve nice things. When, in my 20s I found myself in the same position as you (successful, earning well) I made a friend who had done well too and had no problem spending money on herself - lovely holidays, clothes and home. Suddenly the penny dropped 'I can do that too'. I allowed myself to do it and good God it felt good. I've remained careful/astute with money but not frugal to my own detriment and 40 years later it's served me well.

That said, your work situation sounds unsustainable. Do you have a plan B? An escape route to your own home, a better work life balance? If not it might be worth considering before your current lifestyle gets old.

Do you know why you feel guilty is it a self esteem issue or some guilt over others being poor?

I think it would be good to work out while you feel this way. You work hard and have saved, you could continue to save but allow yourself a budget for holidays, personal spend etc which you are allowing yourself and then enjoy it. No point working really hard if there is no fun

You are (unless your religion dictates otherwise) on this earth just the once. Your approach to your work as well as to your spending comes across like someone who can only see the value of themselves in work, and who doesn't deserve or need rest, or care, or joy. That's terribly sad and I hope your post is the starting point to you allowing yourself more happiness.