To have told my neighbour that my son has ADHD

[TheSparklyShoe]

Early in 2025 DS was diagnosed with ADHD. I was close to my neighbour at the time and confided in her and gave advice as she was awaiting a diagnosis for her son. Fast forward to the end of 2025 and I’m now separated from my husband and I’m living nearby. MIL has befriended my old neighbour and she recently told ex how she was furious that I told said neighbour about DS diagnosis. She unfortunately would also have told DS how I had been “gossiping/sharing his private information” etc.

Was I unreasonable? I’m a mum to two SN kids and mums/parents do connect with each other and offer support and advice. I was not being malicious.

Also ex said his mum is now “incandescent with rage” due to something else I told the neighbour. I haven’t spoken to her in 8 months! Unfortunately she will then tell ex and DS how terrible I am.

AIBU?

Well then it's not your circus.
She just clearly has no life and has to make up dramas to keep herself entertained/feeling relevant.

Tell your ex you don't need bulletins on the emotional state of a woman you never see or speak to.

MIL sounds like she is looking for a reason to be upset. And is ex enjoying telling you about it? I would tell them both to fuck off, you dont owe them anything!

Of course you're allowed to tell a friend your ds has adhd. Your ex MIL sounds like a nightmare. Tell your ex you don't wish to hear about her incandescent rages as thankfully they are not your problem any more. Also let your old neighbour know she's mining her for gossip to get her knickers in a twist about.

Why are behaving like being neurodivergent is something to hide and be ashamed of?
What kind of stupid attitude is this? Even if the OP’s son is a teenager.
I got ADHD (officially diagnosed) and there’s nothing wrong with me or others with the same brain wiring.
Why does someone needs to hide it? What kind of stupidity is this? If we were blind, did we have to live in caves and hide from the world so people don’t know? Unclench everyone. We were born this way and we are absolutely fine.

I have a (now) ex-friend, who said I shouldn't tell people about my DS's autism diagnosis, when I really needed help from other people (who mostly had ND kids themselves). I'm assuming people who think like that think there's something to be ashamed of

How did MIL even find out what you told the neighbour unless she was discussing you or DS with said neighbour?

It sounds like she managed to get quite a lot of information about the situation and who said what from the neighbour for someone who despises gossip.