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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trip to Vegas!?

13 replies

ForGladFox · 06/01/2026 04:32

I've been with my DH for 11 years.
6 years married with 3 children - 7,4,2.

He turned 40 last year and me and his family organised a big family gathering (suprise party) with two of his best friends, who both have young children, (3rd lives in Australia) in a big house staying there was a couple of nights. His family live quite away from us so it was an extra special family get together.

This year he's TOLD me he's going to Las Vegas with 2 of his friends for their 40th and his (mentioned above) and he's putting down a deposit.

He's going on his brothers stag for 3 days also (abroad) , who has treated him like shit about us having childcare issues for his wedding, but thats another story.

He's recently given up a job due to logistical issues (on 120k) and taken a 40k pay cut, all the while, getting himself a 35k sports car on a loan ( I went along with this as I knew he was desperate for this car and works so hard). We've committed to a 15 year/80k further advance to renovate our house as well.

So as you can imagine, I'm not only gutted that he hasn't even bothered to discuss Las Vegas (a very extravagant trip) with me as as a married couple with young children, but also knowing how much time, effort and love we put into his birthday last year.

I'm also really baffled as to how he can justify the trip knowing the new financial commitments we have taken on.

I encourage him to make the effort to go and see his friends who live away and local friends too.
I see my friends for a couple of hours a week.

I'm 100% certain that if I went and decided and didn't discuss/told him I was going to Las Vegas with my friends then he would make me feel like shit. Just as he has done.. I was a bridesmaid and I went on a hen - night which was 1 hour away and then 2 nights for the wedding itself 40m away. He stayed home with the children for max 3 days during this time.

He keeps making comments about this country is shit, I want to move abroad etc. I just can't do this right now with young children and needing support from family due to my mental health. In this situation if we DID live abroad then I'd be completely on my own with no support feeling helpless.

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable with all/ some of this or am I justified by being annoyed and upset with all mentioned.

If you need clarification, just ask
Also any advice on it all, instead of bashing me for what you dont agree with - classic Mumsnet I know lol.

TIA

OP posts:
Bangersndmash · 06/01/2026 04:46

I personally, if I or my partner wanted to go somewhere, I wouldn’t stop them. They are their own person. And I have two LO under 3.

i would however ensure it doesn’t affect t any joint payments or joint money, otherwise its a no. Having 100k loan and making outlandish holidays seems abit silly. Also, if you go on holiday as a family would this affect it? Can he afford to go to vegas and you have a family holiday (if that’s what you do? We go away every year so things to factor into such a decision). Again, if it affects us as a family, no. But going away for a few days - 6 7 days max then I wouldn’t withhold that from him.

As you said, you have a little family near so perhaps with some planning could get some help.

youalright · 06/01/2026 04:56

Although hes an adult and free to do as he pleases and I wouldn't stop him id be annoyed he arranged it and booked it without talking to me first.

Kimura · 06/01/2026 05:07

Going to Vegas as a one off isn't unreasonable in itself. But if it's impacting your joint finances, or going to cause you serious childcare issues, or is part of a wider pattern of behavior, then there's more to talk about.

My partner knows that he doesn't have to ask my permission before booking a trip with his friends - but he'd check in with me before committing as a matter of courtesy. Especially around a big birthday - What if you'd already booked a surprise trip for him?

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 06/01/2026 05:44

Kimura · 06/01/2026 05:07

Going to Vegas as a one off isn't unreasonable in itself. But if it's impacting your joint finances, or going to cause you serious childcare issues, or is part of a wider pattern of behavior, then there's more to talk about.

My partner knows that he doesn't have to ask my permission before booking a trip with his friends - but he'd check in with me before committing as a matter of courtesy. Especially around a big birthday - What if you'd already booked a surprise trip for him?

I think his big birthday, 40th, was last year, and OP and family did a big celebration for him then.

Original poster
ForGladFox · 06/01/2026 10:40

Thanks for your input all. I think it also annoys me that he's booked this thinking that he's a single man, with no childcare responsibilities and just expected me to be ok with it. If he had mentioned that he would love to go and book a holiday to Vegas because of whatever reason then I don't think it's unreasonable. I'm also annoyed that he first mentioned anything about it in front of other people, not only not bothering to tell me in advance but almost bragging that he's going.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 06/01/2026 10:56

I think it's fine. Me and a group of friends are doing similar to celebrate our 50th birthdays. All married etc. with kids. I can't wait.

Bangersndmash · 06/01/2026 10:56

ForGladFox · 06/01/2026 10:40

Thanks for your input all. I think it also annoys me that he's booked this thinking that he's a single man, with no childcare responsibilities and just expected me to be ok with it. If he had mentioned that he would love to go and book a holiday to Vegas because of whatever reason then I don't think it's unreasonable. I'm also annoyed that he first mentioned anything about it in front of other people, not only not bothering to tell me in advance but almost bragging that he's going.

See you missed this off your original post. If he had not told me first and was going round telling other people and bragging; I would see red. That’s not OK. Discuss things with me or at least TELL ME first don’t go telling other people and that’s how I’m finding out. Nope

takealettermsjones · 06/01/2026 11:04

He should have talked to you first. But I also don't think there's anything wrong with going on a lads' trip. If you can afford the car, the house renovations, the family trip, then you can afford this surely? It does seem like you just don't want him to go, which I do understand, but I think your best course of action is to be cheery and positive about it, then tell him your plans for your upcoming girls' trip.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 06/01/2026 11:16

I'm failing to see why what you did for his birthday is relevant?

His friends want to do something different and that's fine

He should have checked with you that the timing was OK and if he's using up joint money then he definitely should have checked

But partners should be able to have separate trips

IAmKerplunk · 06/01/2026 12:35

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/01/2026 10:56

I think it's fine. Me and a group of friends are doing similar to celebrate our 50th birthdays. All married etc. with kids. I can't wait.

Did you just book it without talking to your dh or did you sit down and go through practicalities with him?

Nothing wrong with going to Las Vegas (or anywhere) but surely when you have young dc you discuss it with your dp that you are thinking of it rather than presenting it as a done deal?

monkeysox · 06/01/2026 12:39

ForGladFox · 06/01/2026 10:40

Thanks for your input all. I think it also annoys me that he's booked this thinking that he's a single man, with no childcare responsibilities and just expected me to be ok with it. If he had mentioned that he would love to go and book a holiday to Vegas because of whatever reason then I don't think it's unreasonable. I'm also annoyed that he first mentioned anything about it in front of other people, not only not bothering to tell me in advance but almost bragging that he's going.

Do you get equal fun spends and time off. If not he's unreasonable

MimiGC · 06/01/2026 15:35

Book an expensive holiday for yourself and don’t discuss it with him beforehand. See how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot.

OhamIreally · 06/01/2026 18:07

MimiGC · 06/01/2026 15:35

Book an expensive holiday for yourself and don’t discuss it with him beforehand. See how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot.

Yep do this. Although from what you said about when you went to a wedding and he was left behind he didn’t like it one bit.

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