I don’t even know where to start but I need some advice.
My partner of 20 years has always been an odd one. He doesn’t have any emotional relief (apart from alcohol) and he also doesn’t cope with his emotions at all - I’m talking complete and utter shutdown pass out asleep level of detachment without alcohol. If the days been emotional enough he may as well be intoxicated because it’s the same symptoms honestly it’s that bad.
He’s lied in the past about drinking but it’s easy to see when someone’s drunk or not and the smell is a dead give away anyway so it’s pretty obvious when he’s drank and when he hasn’t so I’ve known every time even if he denies it but he’s just started a new job on long physical shifts and he’s so exhausted every night he’s like a zombie and asleep by 7/8pm. Even before the kids most nights. I always stay up later anyway so I don’t want help at this time I don’t mind sorting the boys while he sleeps. It’s just so strange because this new ‘off’ has only started since this new job which as I said is more physically demanding.
He drank stupidly and inappropriately about 5 months ago and caused issues and he hasn’t drank ‘hard liquor’ since to my knowledge and I’m pretty sure I’d know after this long. I’m at my wits end because he has no emotional regulation really and can’t handle a conversation he would deem emotional. He will have the talk but it will drain the literal life out of him so there’s no point anyway. He’s not always been like this. He’s just turned 40 and isn’t in the best shape he was in previously. I’m firm in my boundaries and will no longer monitor him about drinking, his mood etc but i honestly can’t remember the last time I felt truly happy. It’s like when we’re good it’s amazing but this isn’t fun for me. What do I do? What do I say when he says nothings happened and he’s just normal but he’s acting like he’s never slept in his life every night after work?
after the last time 5 months ago or whatever I just feel done like too much has happened now. He got drunk in the day time because he’s just been fired from his job for a minor accident he had (not intoxicated. He was breathalized anyway as standard procedure). I love him and on days off he’s good and we have a nice time and get along perfectly.
am I being unreasonable here. Should I expect normal evenings? Is work really that bad. It is very physically demanding I know that’s and it’s long shifts.