We were asked by MIL to go round over Xmas for a meal. I assumed with Brother and Sister in law as they live next door and although we have not got on for the last year, we have had lunches/meals together as a bigger family during the course of the year. They have been painfully awkward, but I’ve sucked it up. MIL asked for help with cooking the meal as she has undergone an operation which has left her unable to manage basic things like cooking, she is in recovery. Husband went to cook a roast and to keep his Mum company. I turn up late afternoon with DC. I realised the table wasn’t set for all of us. My shoulders relaxed on realising they weren’t coming. Once we’d eaten, MIL mentions they might still come round for something to eat whilst we are clearing things away. We are sat in the living room, SIL lets herself into the house, for context, she used to live there before moving next door (which is also a house owned by MIL) so, this might be excused. SIL lets herself in, walks straight through to the kitchen, straight past where we are sat. She doesn't say anything, no ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ proceeds to take the dishes out of the oven and leave the house with the food… MIL had gotten up and asked if SIL was hungry and she said ‘yes’. On her leaving the house I got up and wished her congratulations and hope she's feeling ok as she is pregnant, I haven’t seen her in person to wish her well. She said ‘thanks’ and left. I am no saint but I know generally how to be polite.
We didn’t discuss anything about it there, I asked husband once we were home if he knew they weren’t coming, he advised yes but his brother had told his Mum not him. They would know it was my hubby doing the cooking as they know how bad MIL has been. Hubby spent two hours cooking the meal! Husband advised he wasn’t happy about what they had done... For background, there have been issues with my SIL for a year, and then further tensions/disagreements have occurred through this last year I think partly due to lack of communication and disagreements. We have made effort to get along but I think we are very different personalities. We have made effort to avoid eachother but have had to sit through several meals with her being rude and off with me. She’s even come to my house several times and not spoken to me which I found very cheeky, rude and quite frankly awful to deal with. For context, I am mid 30s they are 30 years old.
I don’t want anything to do with them anymore, I have discussed with hubby about getting a gift for their baby, but I prefer to keep interaction to a minimum. SIL and BIL have been rude plenty to me this last year, and I get that by them not coming, it is snubbing me and they are not bothered about hiding their dislike of me. However, it’s a whole other level to be so rude to my MIL in her house and to my hubby. I’m no saint, I know that they may have found me difficult or rude but I have never intentiontionally caused offence. I’m quite strong in my opinions and also stubborn but I can apologise and acknowledge when I’m in the wrong and I’m not happy that there is a problem with them but they have acted really selfish and quite frankly bad this last year. I feel bad for my hubby more than anything else as he is sensitive and non confrontational. I don't think he will say anything to his brother about it. Just wondering what others would make of this? My family have advised me to avoid like the plague, and that they’ve done me a favour by behaving so badly. Should I try find out what’s wrong to prompt such bad behaviour? I also think what could possibly warrant such rudeness? It all feels abit too late and I’m not really prepared to start apologising for things I don’t even know I’ve done wrong. I have avoided SIL partly thinking she would not like to be confronted on her issues with me.
AIBU to be appalled by them?
Hope my garbled words make sense, thanks for reading.