Happy but only have a few friends?

[headphonequeen]

I’m feeling a bit conflicted and wondered if this resonates with anyone else.

I’m 51, DC both at university, and I genuinely love my life. I’m happily married, enjoy my own company, prioritise exercise, don’t really drink, and I don’t feel lonely. I have one or two people I really like spending time with, usually for things like walks.

What I’ve realised though is that I don’t really enjoy socialising in the traditional sense anymore. I don’t particularly like evenings out, noisy places, or alcohol-centred plans, and I have quite limited spare time. I also really enjoy “me time”.

We used to be the ones who always hosted and organised things socially, but our friends never really reciprocated. When we stopped doing all the organising, those friendships quietly dwindled. I don’t actually miss these friends and it did make me realise how one-sided some of them were.

What I struggle with now is the feeling that I should have more friends. Not because I actually want them but because it feels like that’s what’s expected at this stage of life. When I’m honest, I’m not particularly keen on most people beyond one or two.

So I suppose my question is: is it actually okay to be content with a small, quiet life and a very small circle of friends or is this something I should be trying to change?

Sounds like my life and I love it. I couldn't be bothered with trying to make and maintain friendships I don't care for. I have 3 friends who I love. We used to enjoy nights out but now it's mainly walks. I don't feel like I'd have the time for anymore friends anyway, I also enjoy me time and I don't want to sacrifice any of that to squeeze in another friend.
Stop questioning your life choices, you're happy with them an harming no one so keep doing you.

Don't fall in to the trap of thinking you're supposed to be a certain way. Books and TV would have you believe that we all have big gangs of "girlfriends" for spa days and cocktails and weekends away.
Some do, some don't. Its not for everyone.

A few years ago I felt exactly the same and sought to create what I thought was the expectation...it didn't end well. Now I know I'm far happier with my family, my few close friends, and lots of nice acquaintances I can socialise with if it happens to appeal to me, which it does less and less.

Be yourself. We're all different

Is it okay to be content?

Yep.

That's pretty much the pinnacle. Happy and content is the best any of us can hope for.

Sounds just like my life too. Both DC now away one at Uni one just graduated. I have one very good solid friend I just do not feel the need for lots of people around me. I am perfectly content with work, DH, my DM and my DC. I am perfectly happy with this set up.

I voted YABU to think this is a problem and you should be trying to change. You’re happy, so be happy about that. Stop worrying what you think you ‘should’ enjoy.

the part about you always hosting and people not reciprocating stood out to me. This is me. I am sick of it but I am so fucking lonely. If I didn’t host, I’d never see anyone.

I am 46, Christ, I wish I was out at gigs until 3am every weekend still but I only know a couple of people and they don’t want to do it. I’m not an old lady yet but I’m forced to live like one.

It’s so hard to meet people and once you get over 40, it seems like everyone wants to just sit indoors. I want to live still!

That's cool too. There are groups you can join to meet like minded people to do stuff with, try Sole Sisters (originally a walking group but my local one goes to gigs, shows weekends away etc too) , spice social, lonely girls club, ladies circle....there's loads.

I'm a bit older than you and often wonder if my dislike for spending time with people is normal. I am not saying I am a deep person or anything, but if I'm just going to have surface level conversations with someone, I genuinely would just rather be alone going for a walk or listening to an audiobook. However, equally, and maybe to some extent contradictorily, I no longer have tolerance for someone using me as their trauma dumping ground or whatever. Not surprisingly, I don't have many friends. From time to time I receive messages from acquaintances that make a lot of noise about meeting up, but no real plans to do so. These messages confuse me and bore me: 'I so would like to see you soon', 'we should have coffee soon', 'we must go for walk', 'would love to see you once things settle'... Why bother sending messages like that?? Honestly. People...

I hate those messages too.

I have a few old friends who “must meet up soon”. I say, when? Come up and stay, or I’ll come to visit you, I am free from now until eternity, no plans so let me know when you are free and what you would like to do. How about next weekend?

Never actually get an answer. Months go by and then, “it would be so good to see you!” I can meet up tomorrow, if you like?! Tumleweed until the next message.

Yes at our age you dont want more stress. I got tired of the must meet up soon xx ones. Unless I yet again chased them it didnt happen. Op as long as you happy. I have my dog he gets me out. Do I want tons friends at 52 no. A few have been flaky last year so I suit myself more now

Quality over quantity, especially when it comes to friends.

This has come up before.

You do you OP. Its all fine.

I’m feeling reassured thank you so much!
I get those messages too - “I miss you,” “We should meet soon,” all that. But nothing actually happens unless I’m the one who pushes it forward. I don’t mind, it just feels kind of performative, like the words are there for show. I don’t know why people bother saying these things unless they mean it.

Its cos they are telling you what they think you want to hear.

Actions Count not words.

Perhaps speaking on the phone might solve that one.

I don't feel it's expected to have a large circle of friends. Many people now only have a small circle or few friends.

I too can't be bothered to do all the organising anymore when no one else reciprocates, and you're right, once you stop the friends don't put any effort in.

I still have one or two friends like that, where it feels we never meet up unless I ask/organise first.

Much better to have real friends than hangers on.

Exactly same as me. Slight problem is my husband wants more of a social life. I am perfectly happy with my life, seeing very few people socially.

No one seems to want to speak on the phone.

I’ve had lots of people straight out say they prefer to text.
I have called people before when something has been urgent. They don’t answer. They text back instead.

Lots of people prefer texting to taking on the phone. I would rather have a chat on the phone, but I’ve always been in the minority with people I’ve known on that one.