How do I know? Perimenopause or divorce?

[Mounj25]

I haven’t felt happy for a while. Would be happy never to be intimate again. Just feel indifferent really towards my husband in every way. He can tell something is wrong. How do i know whether this is something temporary or not? 😓

This is a bit random but from your user name are you currently using mounjaro? When I increased my dose too quickly it made me feel really, really flat. Something to do with reducing the dopamine receptors.

Not at the moment. It started while I was on it though. I also have ADHD and suspect I’ve been in burnout recently

I am AuDHD. Also perimenopausal. Also have high anxiety (lifelong). Also have ME. Also a carer. Also work full time. So I try to view any change in my state through that lens and in that context.

When I realised I was ambivalent about sex with my partner, who is very lovely and I love very much; I took time to think about how I feel about sex in general. There was a time my sex drive was very high, and I needed 'me time' even when in a healthy relationship. I would think about it a lot. When I was dating, I didn't need to be hugely attracted to someone to enjoy sex. It isn't the same now. I asked myself when the last time I needed or wanted 'me time' was. It must be about a year, which is mad from someone who was at least a couple of times a week! I asked myself when I last looked at a very attractive man and felt flutters. I couldn't even remember! So I knew that, along with other symptoms I had/ have, this was age and hormonal changes. I felt so flat and demotivated and antidepressants didn't help. Nothing else in life was a reason to make me feel like this. My GP offered a trial of HRT (oestrogen patches because I already have a mirena for progestin) plus estrogen pessaries for dryness. It has changed everything. I won't say I'm back to having a high drive, but I am back to feeling close to my partner and being interested in him sexually, and sex doesn't hurt or irritate now.

It is worth trying HRT. The right time to start IS during perimenopause. EVEN if you get a male duty doctor telling you initially that you're too young (I am 42) and have a very high chance of getting breast cancer because of starting it early! For context, my mum and gran were mid 40s when they had full menopause.

Speak to your GP and let them know a trial of HRT for 3 months, is possible and fairly harmless as the effects will reverse quickly when you stop the treatment. Also try maca and ashwaganda supplements - they really help. Lions Mane is also good.

Thank you, I’ll be 39 next month but can’t think what else it could be 😣 I just feel like I live with my mate but we don’t even really talk much. Things are hard work with our youngest who has recently been diagnosed with ASD. I definitely wouldn’t be interested in any other man either 🥴 I feel really flat and like there’s nothing to look forward to.

I felt the same and then my ND brain was overanalysing it all and expecting way too much of him/myself.

Late 30s is when the hormonal changes start, and ND people are much more sensitive to fluctuations in hormones during perimenopause (it is why we are more likely to get PMDD and also why a lot of women's ND shows up during perimenopause when they cannot hold it together anymore). With perimenopause, hormones can be fine for a few days, then dip and recover. I would say it started for me around 39, but it was 40-41 when it really smacked me in the face. Now 42, still get periods but more frequent. So it definitely has been hormonal.

Trial of medication is an acceptable way to have something diagnosed. Doctors do use this with lots of conditions. Ask your mum how old she was when she got menopause as well, as there is a link. Peri starts around 10 years before full menopause.