To think my 18yo DD needs to end this relationship?!

[Glitterballofdreams]

DD is 18, and has been in a relationship with a guy for two months. DD is diagnosed with ADHD & Autism, and so I do keep an extra eye on her as she needs more support and guidance than the average 18yo.

I have concerns about her boyfriend, he likes things his own way, gets clingy if she socialises with others. He has now said he has medical conditions such as de-realisation and dissociative disorders. I only worry, as DD has her own health problems and is in no position to support someone else during a crisis, especially at such a young age. It’s not that I disapprove of this relationship, I just worry it will have an effect on DD.

What do others think? Am I being unreasonable?

You’re not entirely unreasonable, but what do you expect to do about it? Your DD needs your support and guidance to navigate these situations, but you can’t really tell her what to do and expect her to just do it at 18.

You're not unreasonable to be concerned but if your DD is 18, realistically you can't insist that she ends the relationship. Instead, you can gently raise your concerns with her and hope that she listens and thinks about what you've said.

You are not I reasonable to think whatever you like. Although, of you only base it on his medical conditions... that may be a bit unfair.
However, you certainly can't insist that she does end it. Have a conversation with her but that's all you can reasonably do. The thing is, we learn through experience and you can't shield your daughter from having this experience of any others you may disagree with. As an autistic person myself, I certainly had my fair share of relationships that did me no good. But I am grateful for every single one of them now because they taught me who I was and what I can and cannot tolerate.

Plenty of parents would say the same about your child having AuDHD.

Talk of dissociative disorders etc, would make me think he is softening up your DD to start accepting abusive and coercive behaviour. You probably can't stop your DD seeing him, but you can ensure she understands why you are concerned. Keep the lines of communication open.

How did she meet this lad?

I presume other parents would advise anyone against dating your child then, but do you think she will listen? People deliberately ignore red flags because they chose to unless she wakes up you can only be there when it all goes wrong

Yes this was my thoughts too, as he has been pretty unreasonable about DD spending time with other friendship groups, etc. He likes to know where she is and whom she is with. My concerns are not that he may have additional or mental health needs, it’s his controlling tendencies that are showing through in the very early days of their relationship.
My DD is very strong minded, however she does take on board our advice. I shall walk alongside her, and guide her when asked. Many thanks for all responses.