How to escape the neighbours from hell

[Phiphi82]

So I’m posting not only to offload as I’m currently feeling frustrated and anxious but to also ask for some impartial advice on how best to proceed with our limited options. It may be a long post so I apologise in advice if I witter on a bit.

Ok so me my dh and 2 dc moved into our current (HA) house 5 years ago. We’d never really been in a position to buy so we were happy when we got offered this property. It wasn’t much as in it is small and required work but we didn’t care as it was enough and we were fully prepared to put our own stamp on the place. We had previously lived (private renting) on the same estate but a different street years back and so we knew the area and whilst it had always had a mixed reputation we found it fine the first time living here and were lucky enough to have good neighbours. So when we were offered this house we didn’t hesitate to accept once we’d viewed it. Well as it turns out it’s up there with one of the biggest mistakes we’ve made in our lives. We hate it here!

We live in an inner terrace with one neighbour who is quiet and no bother at all but the other side lives a family of 5 and the parents are quite frankly A holes. The first few months of living here were ok but then we’d wake up to the house stinking of weed. The partying into the early hours started in the summer and would regularly keep us and our dc awake. They got two dogs who they clearly had no intention of looking after eg they barked on and off all day and night, they were never walked not that we seen anyway and they had no patience with the dogs as you’d hear them shouting at them. One of the dc who is an avid footballer was allowed to kick the ball at ours and other neighbours houses and in general the noise he made from playing football for hours at a time was horrendous as despite being a keen footballer he could never seem to get the ball in the net and it would bash off the fence, wall, doors etc. The noise was horrendous. They blasted music constantly in the summer, always stood outside our house “talking” really loudly instead of in front of their own house.

After years of putting up with this crap and having my mental health affected I finally agreed with my dh that we should report them to the housing association. We reported them for the weed and the constant loud music. Within a day they had damaged both mine and dh’s cars but of course we didn’t see them do it as it was done in the early hours of the night so we didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Since then the partying into the early hours has stopped and they have started smoking their weed un the garden but instead they have found a new way to “torture” us. Squeaky doors! Now I know that probably sounds ridiculous but it’s really affecting me. My dh can drown it out but I’m really struggling. Basically they have two squeaky doors the bathroom and kitchen that always made a little bit of noise but it has got significantly louder and they are squeaking the doors on purpose. I may have shouted shut the F up once a while back as it got to much for me and of course naturally now they know it bothers me they’re doing it all the time. All it would take is a bit of oil on the hinges but why on earth would they do that when they know they can annoy us. For me though it’s more than just annoying. I have developed tinnitus since living here and sensitivities to external high pitched noises which means for me at least when I hear the noise it feels painful and makes me incredibly anxious and frustrated. I’ve tried ignoring it and I’ve tried having my tv on a but louder but I don’t want to annoy my neighbour on the other side and find it uncomfortable having the volume too loud myself anyway.

The obvious answer is to move and we have been trying to but with a limited budget we are at a standstill. Last year we found not one but two hours in our budget. The first at the end of January. We put in an offer it was accepted we got excited as all the checks went through mortgage surveys etc and then a couple of weeks before exchange it fell through. We were gutted.

It took us until July to find another house we could afford and that was suitable and we did the same again eg surveys we renewed our mortgage offer as it had expired. I think it was around the last week in October when we were due to complete and we got a call off the estate agent telling us that the seller had to take the house off the market due to a “dramatic” change in circumstances. Whatever the hell that meant. I burst into tears! The thought of another Christmas or summer in this house filled me with utter dread.

Not only do we have to contend with our nightmare next door neighbours but in general since other (quiet) neighbours moved out and new much louder neighbours moved in the summers here are incredibly loud as it seems to bring o it the disrespect for others out in people and they don’t care how loud they are and at what time for eg they start mowing their lawns (had some do it at 5/6am)

So yes we need to move and like now! Now this is where I need your advice. I am autistic as is my dh and whilst we are generally well functioning people good parents etc we often struggle with decision making (not when it comes to our dc thankfully) we are scared of risks, scared of making the wrong decision and worry about the consequences of that.

That said looking at the bigger picture now these seem to be our current options .

1. stay put permanently and be miserable

2. Stay put for god knows how long whilst still looking for an end terraced house or small run down semi (all we can afford)

3. Find a private rented house and pay more than double our current rent which we can just about afford but it’s dead money even more so than HA renting

4. Go down the shared ownership route. We have already registered interest on a property just to see how it pans out. You have to do this and apply for a mortgage through them before even viewing the hosie. The house is on an estate (something I’d don’t really want) but it’s one of 4 detached properties on the front “row” of the estate so no neighbours in front or behind as there is a big row at the back of the houses for driveways and the next row of houses are further back and then the vast majority of other houses are right at the back of the estate where there is a park for children playing which would be a nice change from of having kids bouncing balls off our house like we currently have to endure. But we will still have certain levels of nosie despite being attached as it’s on an estate after all. It would be detached which would be good but it would mean paying a bit more than double our current rent as we’d be paying mortgage and rent.

What would you do in our shoes if you had such limited means and options?

I’d go down the complaint route with the HA tell them it’s effecting your health and mental health and that you are requesting a move asap , keep
logging things with them.
keep on with the rent to buy and for
properties that you can afford, report them to the rspca regards the dogs as well, this is classes as anti social behaviour and the Ha have a duty of care to you. Wish you the best of luck.

I’ve reported them previously and they stopped their behaviour but they know it’ll be hard to prove a noise disturbance for squeaky doors and that’s even if the HA would take it seriously and class it as that. It is incredibly loud but it would be difficult to record as you don’t know exactly when it will happen. Sometimes it’s on and off all day other times more sporadic. Plus the last time I reported them they slashed all four tyres on my car and key’d my dh’s car.

I would opt for 2 or 4 and accept that most people have some level of noise or annoyance but it’s manageable.

In the meantime, complain again and include your MP in your complaint.

Do you have any house swap groups in your area? I know where we are people can apply to swap their council or Housing Association homes. You might be able to swap for a quieter area

Don’t complain, HA, police and all other agencies are useless with this type of thing. The neighbours don’t care and complaining will make matters worse. My advice, would be to keep your head down, keep looking for a house, and look for one with a shirt chain. You are first time buyers without a chain, so sellers will look positively on that.

I’m sorry your are going through this, it will get better.

I’d also get cameras front and back, and a ring door bell, and if they question the camera, I’d lie and say someone tried to break in so they didn’t smash them

I'm sorry you are in this position and I really hope you get out of it ASAP. Words can't explain how much I hate people like this x

Yes we tried swapping our house and had a couple of viewings but sadly the people weren’t interested. They said we’d made the house inside lovely but they cousins cope with the noise. At the tiny one couple viewed there were tons of kids playing out front. They were being loud but they weren’t doing anything they shouldn’t be. The second time we had a lady round and my next door neighbours were sat in their front garden drinking and being “talking” loudly which I suspect put her off. Plus our area isn’t the best now a days sadly and no one living in a decent area will want to swap. It’ll likely be people are having similar problems to us.

Yes I don’t think there is any point in complaining again to the HA as it’ll make things even worse. I’ve tried being loud back on occasion (when I’ve been utterly desperate and rather angry) by doing various things but it takes a lot of mental effort to behave like a twt and quite frankly I’m not that person and don’t want to be turned into that person because of the pair of knbs I live next door too. I just want a peaceful life. Maybe it’s our own fault for reporting their behvahour or previously but it become unbearable. Things improved for a while and I finally felt hopeful but it didn’t last long.

It’s not your fault at all, so please don’t think that, there is no come back to them, they can do and will do what ever they like. No one will make them face consequences. They don’t care, and they can act and will act how they like. The Ha won’t kick them out, they will just send a letter or pay them a visit, but the tenants don’t care so it’s pointless.
Just Keep your head down, otherwise it may become a sport to them with you as the target.

I think it’s already become a sport to them. The irony is if we make any noise (which is rare as we are quiet) they can’t take it. Like the other day I made some homemade soup and I used my handheld blender for a grand total of 1 minute. Because of thid I had banging on the walls from my neighbour and they purposely squeaked their door repeatedly back and forth for ages. I wouldn’t mind but it’s been well over a year since I made soup and used my blender. I just fancied it for a change.

I couldn’t read and run op, I’ve had a terrible neighbour before and it does ruin your mental health.

Get some cameras and have them film your cars incase it happens again and is a deterrent for them to damage your cars.
I know this is a hard one but you must not let them intimidate you. Try not to worry that every noise they make is to annoy you, this will drive you insane.
The less attention you give them, the better and focus on moving.

You could try for an exchange.

Cameras in card and ring doorbell
Some fake cameras out the front and back might put them off
Headphones or loop ear buds
Get the shared ownership property 100%
Be as loud as you want don't live in fear of them. Make soup everyday or just run the blender for fun
You can't let them see you're changing for them it'll make them even worse
In the meantime continue reporting every excessively loud noise or antisocial behaviour, banging on your door etc to HA or police if they outright threaten you
But you need the mental hope of an escape so I would pursue a shared ownership property ASAP

Hate people like this. We moved to a detached due to noisy neighbours and have never looked back. If you can get the new detached shared ownership I would pick that.

Have you tried registering a maintenance request for the doors through the HA?

I don’t see how that would? I mean I could go online and register the repair and put my neighbours address instead of my own but then the housing association will turn up and I expect my neighbours will say that they’ve got the wrong house as they didn’t request the repair??

You have my sympathy- my sister has the neighbour from hell - young bloke - parties - noise - purposefully banging doors etc - my sister has now developed mental health problems as a consequence I am really worried her !

Ask the housing association to do a routine maintenance check and oil the squeaky doors as the noise is real and a nuisance, albeit a slightly unusual one.

Is it not worth a go in case they just let them in and fix the door?

If they don’t, you can put in a complaint to your HA advising them of a broken door next door.

One thing that may help turn things in your favour is that house prices have been falling - at least in some areas; it doesn't necessarily mean everywhere or every type of house but it might be relevant to your location and circumstances.

Also bank base rates and therefore borrowing rates for mortgages have been coming down, which is also helpful to buyers. So there are some good signs and I were you I'd be trying to add to my savings and putting myself into a better position to offer on any houses up for sale.

At least at present you have the advantage of lower rent, not something to throw away lightly and find yourself in the trap of paying high private rents, with no hope of getting out or saving any more in order to buy. Take another look at your budget and affordability at current mortgage rates and current house prices. Make the most of the low rent to squirrel away every penny you can to improve your financial position and open up more opportunities for buying.

Part exchange whilst you wait to buy.

There is a lack of discussion about people who anti social. They have to live somewhere and the amount of evidence required to get them evicted is immense. Home swapping is out as no right minded person wants to live next to the nightmare family. The only option is to move.

All you can do is clear your debts ASAP, run your household on a tight budget to up your savings and apply for the best housing for your circumstances. Look into rent to buy, as well as shared ownership.

In the meantime, set up cameras to cover your cars/garden areas and invest in a ring doorbell. Purchase a white noise machine, noise cancelling headphones and look into buds to sleep in (for the really bad days). If you can afford it can you look into activities for the evening. Some hours away can make all the difference.

Fingers crossed for you OP. Living next to anti social people is taxing to say the least.

I would do option 4. Best financial decision long term with a nice sounding house.
Alternatively id try buying a slightly run down place that you can afford and doing it up over time, but only if you would actually have the time to do it and ability to save the money to get it to a reasonable standard whilst paying the mortgage.

For now, have you tried loop earplugs? My teen DD is also very sensitive to noise and they help her a lot, she uses the loop engage ones which she says she can still hear speech with but it drowns out general background noise to a calmer level.

I would do option 4. I had noisy neighbours and it really affected my mental health at the time, even now I struggle with loud noises and am noise sensitive.

I live in a newer build (10years old) in a similar set up to the one you describe. It's quiet, can't hear neighbours. Can hear cars and things, and people around but nowhere near as bad as living next door to nightmare neighbours.