9yo and social media

[iloveyourhair]

DS has a huge interest in Lego, Lego coding, and robotics.

A few months ago, he asked if he could share his builds on social media. I told him no because I believe he is far too young and I explained the dangers of social media. He mentioned that his best friend uses it, and that mum allows him to. Since we are pretty close, I called her to verify this for safety reasons. She confirmed it was true and that she monitors her son's account. She also suggested that my son could add his content to her son's account, essentially proposing they have a joint account.

I thought it was a lovely suggestion, and shortly after our call, she sent me her son’s profile. He has managed to earn over 10K followers.

However, I wouldn't feel comfortable with my son's face being on social media, especially knowing that predators lurk online.

Yesterday, I found out that my son went ahead and created his own profile. Thankfully, he hasn’t posted any videos with his face in them, but he has gained over 1,300 followers in a short time.

I told him that I was very upset with him for creating the account without my permission. I don’t appreciate that he did this. I’m unsure how I missed it, as I check his iPad frequently, I am currently deciding whether to let him keep the account.

On the positive side, he hasn’t engaged with any profiles that comment on his posts, and he is a very sensible boy for his age.

Do you think I should let him keep the account and help him expand it, or should I delete it?

You appear to putting a great deal of sway towards how your child will react. From what you have said, it sounds like your child knows if they behave in a certain way they can get what they want from you. Being a parent isn't about being liked by your child. You need to make tough decisions for them. But, TBH, it's concerning that you don't seem to see this as an obvious decision.

No, if you are going to let him continue at least turn the comments off.

The OP’s child doesn’t want to look at SM, he wants to share his LEGO builds.

If the OP manages the account, it will be fine.

The trouble is, it's encouraging the child to respond to 'likes' and the dopamine hit that external approval from strangers gives.

It's not a healthy thing to encourage in young children.

Share with family and friends, that really should be enough.

At 9 absolutely no way

my (asd) daughter got hers at 15 , gave her an inch and she took a mile. Some of the videos she started to post just weren’t comfortable at all young age

So what? He can’t sulk forever and he isn’t going to starve himself to death.

Dealing with kids being sulky, melodramatic and bratty is something parents have to endure sometimes.

I’d delete it

I wouldn't allow a 9yo social media of any kind under any circumstances, and I wouldn't let your son keep his account since 1) it would be rewarding him for lying to you, 2) the fact that he lied shows he doesn't have sufficient maturity or understanding of the dangers to be trusted with it, 3) instagram itself says it's not suitable for under 13s and 4) all it will do is turn a rewarding and enjoyable hobby into something he pursues for the validation of other people.

My 8 year old asks to try a glass of fizz at Xmas, I told her no, I didn’t suggest she drink it at a friends house!

Excuse me, but your remark was completely irrelevant. You can't compare this situation to alcohol, and I don't understand why you took the time to comment.

But the internet and social media is just as damaging and important to withold as alcohol.

How can you be so sheltered to not know what damage social media and the internet cause to children’s and teenagers brains, self esteem and self image.

There is a reason Australia is banning all social media for under 16s and it’s such an amazing start to a worldwide problem.

There is no need for your son to show strangers on the internet things he’s building with LEGO. This is just instilling in him that likes and what strangers think matters. What happened to kids building their LEGO at home, showing mum and dad and getting on with it.

He is behaving like a child because he is a child. This proves social media is not the place for him to be sharing anything on. I don't understand why you'd agree to him using his friends account either. Why any child needs to be posting on any social media is beyond me.

The alcohol post was a good point too.

Sounds totally relevant, both totally inappropriate and dangerous for a child at that age

I was 8 or 9 myself when I had unsupervised access to the internet, and even back then, in the early 2000s, when social media was not nearly as big and toxic as today, I got access to pornography, morbid death videos, chatted with adults and exchanged phone numbers and ultimately webcamed child predators.

I can’t imagine what it would be like today!

The alcohol analogy is relevant because a common teen complaint is that their friends’ parents allow alcohol, sleepovers with people they are dating, vaping etc and you need tonhr able to say no even if other kids are allowed.

Wtaf am I reading. Is this a serious post? On what planet is a 9 year old allowed access to the internet unsupervised to the extent he can create social media account, who knows what else he has accessed you clearly have no clue. As for 1400 followers, are you telling me he knows that many people in real life. Of course he doesn’t so I would be extremely concerned about this.
you need to wise up quickly, take his iPad off him and put parental controls on it, actually just practise parental control in real life. I’m gob smacked at how little some parents care about their children. I’m 44 with young children so I certainly didn’t grow up with social media, but I know better than to let my children on it, and I watch them like a hawk.

"He is a very sensible boy for his age"

Despite doing the exact thing he'd been told he not to do.

How did he even download whatever SM app he’s using onto his iPad? Our sons (12 & 14) have iPhones and they are completely locked down and they have to ask and get a parents approval to download any new apps. So either you were letting him look at SM already and he then created himself an account, or he downloaded the app and created the account - either is bad but if you were letting him look at SM, that’s quite shocking. He is 9. My boys who are 3 and 5 years older than him cannot access SM at all, and won’t be able to until they are 18 (although they are already saying they don’t really want anything to do with it ever, having seen what issues it’s caused for their friends).

I would say his underhand behaviour, to whatever degree, has proven that he is far too young for SM. Additionally, you seem concerned that he will lose the followers he has ‘earned’ but in reality probably half of those are adult men with no interest in Lego builds, so he hasn’t ‘earned’ them in any sense. Follower number simply do not matter in the real world and this is a great opportunity to reinforce that message.

I stopped reading when you posted about “some parents are happy with their 9 yr old on social media”

I don’t know one parent who allowed their child on at 9. I do know some who allowed it in year 7, aged 12. We don’t allow ours who are older. I would take their phones away if I found out they had a secret SM with 1300 people. In fact, I’d go batshit.

He didn’t get 1300 followers in one afternoon. He’s repeatedly lied and snuck around. Letting his friends mum manage things is even worse. No means no. Just send pictures of his builds to your friends or the class WhatsApp. Tough others can’t see them. He’s 9. Don’t start him on a life of seeking external validation from people who don’t matter

Social media is damaging for young adults… a 9 year old should be absolutely nowhere near it. Delete the account.

Op your job is to parent and protect, not care if he’s annoyed about it.
ask yourself the question… why would anyone want to watch it?!
then ask yourself the question… why can’t he just enjoy doing it without needing followers, likes and comments. It’s dangerous in so many ways.

Firm no from me. I dont let my 13 year old have social media let alone a 9yo. My sons friend also has an account and does videos. I hope he has not put my son online. My son hold me that his friend watch someone die on a live feed. That is what they can access online. They are too young to understand the dangers. You may also be unaware of the dangers. The impact on mental health is concerning for a brain still developing at a huge and important rate. The chances ot looking accidentally at something they shouldnt and then the algorythms feeling them inappropriate content. Social media does not have childrens best interests at heart. Additionally it make impressionable children dependent on the likes and admiration of others which is a route towards future narcassim and future MH issues. There are so many issues I could go on. I hope the government bring in the ban on smart phones for kids like Austraila has done.

You did the right thing by deleting it, as everyone has said there’s the predator aspect but also at that age you don’t want them thinking about likes, and doing something because of strangers validation.

How did he get so many followers without posting??? That’s an insane number of people following a 9 year old.

I always think about Breck Bednar. That poor boy and his family.