Separation after meltdown

[Onedge123]

Hi all, I’m looking for some perspective.

Today my 7yo had his autism assessment (we are awaiting his result) and this afternoon had a really big meltdown at home. It came after a couple of hours of calm play with my partner while I had a nap upstairs with my 1-year-old, but as soon as I came downstairs he seemed to completely lose it. When the meltdown hit he was shouting “stop” and “go away”, couldn’t explain why, and was clearly very dysregulated.

During the meltdown he screamed directly in my 1-year-old’s face twice very aggressively. We immediately separated them for safety and I took my 7yo to a quiet room to calm down. He has since settled but is still quite fragile and snappy.

I’m finding this particularly hard because, while we’re waiting for the assessment results, I honestly don’t feel confident about the right way to handle his behaviour. I’m trying to follow advice around regulation and safety rather than punishment, but I’m very aware I might be getting things wrong.

My partner disagrees with how I handle these situations and feels my 7yo should be told off more firmly, including tonight. I’ve been advised that keeping the children separate for the rest of the evening (including dinner) is the safest option after what happened, even though it feels extreme and impractical, and my partner thinks it’s unnecessary and “weird”.

I’m not trying to punish my older child — just to keep everyone safe and avoid another escalation — but I’m second-guessing myself and feeling quite shaken.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you keep them separate for the evening, or try to bring things back together once the child seems calmer? And how do you balance differing views with a partner when you’re still waiting for assessment results?

Thanks in advance.

My DS has autism, the assessment was awful for him. They interrupted his play and did other things that overstimulated him so it's not surprising your DC has been really overwhelmed if he had that today.
Punishment won't work, you need to stay calm and help him regulate. Unless the 1 yo is overwhelming him there is no need to keep them separate all night, that seems like an overreaction and could cause a divide and resentment between the siblings.

Ok that's great @JLou08 thankyou so much for your post.. after the assessment the SALT said it went really well and they did lots of taking and playing but we still have to wait so no idea how it really went..so hard.. we have a house rules list with consequences but no idea if I should even use these or not with an autistic child??

It is difficult because if he is PDA profile it's likely that the list will be counterproductive. My DS does have boundaries and consequences. There's nothing around meltdowns though, that's out of his control so the focus is preventing them and then supporting him during them to stop them escalating further.

Thankyou so much @JLou08 honestly my house is like a war zone at the moment with DS1 and DS2.. I think my eldest who may be autistic finds the 1 year old very stressful as he is loud and constantly tries to get his attention and hits him which obviously makes him very stressed and emotional. I hope we get the diagnosis soon and help on how to handle him.. he's so emotional that if he gets told off or a consequence he has another meltdown.. it feels impossible and I feel like a nervous wreck most of the time in the house with them.

Thankyou so much for your advice @JLou08 I'm very grateful. Xx

Ear defenders and a black out tent with sensory toys in have been great for helping my DS regulate, maybe give them a try if you haven't already. Keep the den for the older one only, a safe space he can go to when he needs a break from sibling.