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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not much I can do - but am I right to be deeply concerned about my nieces new relationship ?

6 replies

bagpuss90 · 04/01/2026 14:58

My sister lives abroad and my BIL passed away some years ago. My niece (sisters daughter) is 26, she has a 11 month old daughter - no concerns or issues there at all. Dad is not on the scene . She told me she has met someone - she seems really into him and has been seeing him for a few months Some of the things she’s told me he has said to her are in my view- well quite mortifying and show a total lack of respect Examples- “I’ve told my friends I’m shagging the arse off of an unmarried mother”, “where would you be if you hadn’t met me ? “ .She told me that when she told him not to speak to her like whatever - he replied that he’d talk to her how he liked. She tells me that he’s very good with her daughter . He sounds like an utter twat to me but, I appreciate there’s not much I can do - other than to monitor and hope she dumps him. But any advice would be greatly welcomed.

OP posts:
bagpuss90 · 04/01/2026 15:14

Sorry I should have added that she is autistic though high functioning

OP posts:
JLou08 · 04/01/2026 15:47

It's really positive that she recognises that the behaviour is wrong and she talks to you about it. Keep being there to listen and gently advise that he shouldn't be speaking to he like that. You could make comments such as, I wonder how that could impact DD hearing him talk to you like that.

FieryA · 04/01/2026 15:56

I would definitely be supportive and gently explain to her not to accept being spoken to like that. It's a good thing she trusts you but don't just be quiet.

Endofyear · 04/01/2026 17:18

I would tell her that it's unacceptable for him to speak to her like that and shows a lack of respect. Ask her if she thinks she should be in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect her? Don't go in all guns blazing but I would gently challenge her to at least think about it. Also, invite them both round for a meal or something so you can meet him in person and get the measure of him!

Tryingmybest12 · 04/01/2026 22:25

It's great that she's opened up to you. Like others, i think your right to be worried. She has raised concerns directly with him and he has doubled down. He is testing her boundaries and finding that out what she will tolerate. I would echo the importance of sticking with her, listening, reinforcing her worth and labeling his behaviour.

ConfusedNoMore · 04/01/2026 22:28

I wonder whether you could ask for a Claire's law request? Sounds like you're doing a good job looking out for her.

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