Child maintenance

[Myunhappyheart]

Posting for traffic.

my ex and I have a court order for child contact. This hasn’t been adhered to since he got a new partner. He maybe has them 1-2 night a month now. This is fine by me and them.

But he is still paying maintenance based on the court ordered contact. Which quite frankly isn’t enough. I work almost full time. They have clubs every night and I am struggling not just financially but I’m exhausted. I will never stop though for my children. I will always keep going and always put them first.

Would I be unreasonable to contact CMS and tell them the update? What would they even do if there is a court order in place?

Not unreasonable at all.

Your ex is not doing/paying his fair share. The existing agreement does not reflect the reality, and needs adjusting.

Why do they have clubs every night? Plus what's the 'update'? He's paying what court ordered.

I think there are 2 issues here: the contact with finances related to that. And your exhaustion from carrying the load solely.

I would absolutely request an increase in maintenance to reflect that, although a court may require evidence.

And as a fellow lone parent, I would limit their activities to save your sanity. I always said 3 per week to my DC & had a day or two a week clear for rest

Yes you can absolutely contact cms if hes not sticking to the court order. Gather proof you have such as text messages or emails so you can demonstrate that he is not adhering to the court order and you can claim based on the correct number of nights.

He may challenge this so ensure you have evidence. He also may suddenly decide he will stick to the court order and have the kids as per the court order so bare that in mind as a possible outcome. Ensure all communication is written and recorded.

Good luck.

Yes i would update cms on the reduced contact

The update is quite obvious, is it not ? CM was agreed/awarded based on the number of nights the children spent with each parent. They are now spending more nights with their mum and less with their dad.

Yes contact cms to recalculate the amount based on him having fewer nights.

To help manage your overload, see what you can cut - can you streamline their clubs together or drop some? Arrange lift sharing with other parents maybe?

It’s a simple form to change the amount of
overnights he has and you can do it online in your account. The nights are in ranges so check it will move it into another range before going through the faff.

Also agree what everyone has said about after school clubs!

Absolutely YANBU. You need it recalculated.

Courts don’t order CMS. It’s an entirely different thing.

Run the figures on CMS yourself first. The bracket may not change.

Oh I see. I didn't know it affected maintenance that much.

How many nights a week was he supposed to have them?

Ime when the arrangement is via a CAO they can be difficult and want to order changing

yes you need to update CMO so that he pays the correct amount.

and reduce their clubs if you can't afford them. Let them pick which one is their favourite, or pick the one that works best for you. Not every kid does activities every day of the week.

He was meant to have them 10 night per month. But now it is 1-2 nights at best. And half of holidays. But that has dwindled. For example one night they have spent there this Xmas hols.

it is a significant amount more when I run it through the calculator. I have asked him for more but not the full amount, but he can’t as he has ‘too much on.’

He suddenly does want to go back to the court ordered time. But the children do not want to go there due to various factors. But that’s another story, another thread.

If he’s willing to take them then go it and have a bit of time to yourself

How old are the children? If it’s court ordered he could have them on the days he’s supposed to however if they’re old enough to speak for themselves then I’d let him take you back to court and the children can give their opinion, obviously if they’re old enough

That’s not what the children want though

How old are the DC?

I would go back to CMS and support the DC in what they want.

Children are old enough. He won’t take it back to court. I’m certain of that. I have tried endlessly to support their relationship. But sadly it is him who keeps letting them down. And himself :((

Reduce the clubs. One every day is far too much.

I would look at your diary over past 6 months - and then see what’s what.
sometimes having activities is a good way to add structure to the evenings so if they enjoy (and you can afford it) I would keep up with that.
he needs to pay his way even if you can’t force him to take care physically of them.

Let him see them more often but definitely find out about increased child maintenance. Reduce the clubs if you can’t afford them?