Is this normal management, or am I being micromanaged to an unhealthy level?

[TimeTraveller2718]

I’m looking for some honest opinions because my confidence has completely taken a hit and I’m struggling to work out whether this is “normal” or a red flag.

I’ve been in my role for around 4 months, and from very early on I’ve been dealing with a very intense manager who blows very hot and cold. Some days she’s overly nice to me and other days she’s distant and abrupt and makes it really hard to know where I stand.

She wants complete control over my work, every single piece I produce has to be checked, rewritten or changed by her. Even when the work is correct, it often gets altered or reworded, sometimes without any clear reason or added value. I’m asked to plan and create things, but they’re frequently overridden or replaced entirely, which leaves me questioning why I’m being asked to do them in the first place!

There’s a lot of unexpected monitoring. I’ll get unplanned calls during the day to check what I’m doing, and she even logs in on her days off to delegate tasks. I feel like I have no autonomy and very little trust, and it’s got to the point where I feel anxious even completing work because I know it will be heavily changed anyway. I am her only report and she is causing me to become extremely anxious about work. I have been in tears most days.

This has really knocked my confidence and made me feel incompetent, even though I didn’t feel this way before starting the role. There’s no way I can talk to her about this because I tried and she said ‘this is just how she manages’ and she is a ‘perfectionist’ and things need to be right for the company’s reputation.

I think I need to leave ASAP and this is making me utterly miserable. Has anyone dealt with someone like this ?

Is she a new manager? She sounds very inexperienced. You say you have raised it but she has been dismissive. Are there other jobs in your company? Could you move sideways? Is there an HR department?

Its fine her saying this is how she does it but this is not normal management behaviour and if its making you want to leave, the company need to know. I wonder if she has form for this?

Personally I have, but also combined with bullying. I was used as a scapegoat to get junior staff onside with her. It was a horrific environment to work in.
I remember one day chatting with her in the office and it was honestly a nice chat and we were laughing and two staff arrived to start work and she literally changed mid sentence to bollocking me and belittling me. I realised then she was terrified of looking weak in front of the staff and had no idea how to be a manager at all.

It isn't perfectionism or being a good manager if you have to come in on your days off to get it done. It isn't being a good manager if you're so scared of your staff making any errors you have to micromanage them. That just means you don't know how to support them in the first place

She sounds awful but it says a lot more about her than you. I'd be looking elsewhere as soon as possible.
Life's too short to spend so much of your week feeling so bloody stressed.

She is not a good manager.

How about other staff she line manages, is she the same with them?

For the changes of wording, I would push back and ask for the rationale of why her wording is better - of course have your reasoning ready for why you prefer your own edit. Presumably you're the expert, and her rationale shouldn't just be 'but I'm the manager'.

Do you have a meeting or point of setting out your work goals for the week ahead? It sounds very ad hoc / day to day and you could state that you'd rather plan ahead and be able to get on without interruptions. Block out time in your calendar so you'll show as busy and she can't call randomly.

I have had this. My advice is to find a new job ASAP.

From a professional standpoint, you're supposed to manage upwards, feed back to her about her management style and the impact it's having on your ability to feel trusted and empowered in your work. She's then supposed to take this on board and everyone works together collaboratively to get better etc etc etc.

In the real world, if you tell her that her micromanagement is making you unhappy, then the likely outcome is that she takes it badly, changes nothing or becomes even more controlling, and your working relationship with her ends up worse than ever.

Hence my advice - don't bother talking to her or trying to get her to change. Find a new job.

Yes she is new to management so I would say inexperienced and wants complete control. I am not the only person to notice her either as other staff have experienced this too but I am her only report so I get the complete brunt of it

So, this is definitely not normal, she just does not really understand how management is supposed to work. Do you have formal reviews? It would be really helpful to get something in writing about how this is affecting you. Do you have HR? If it is getting to the point when you are thinking about leaving because of her behaviour, they will want to know. Its ok for her to say this is how she does it - but its not how you do it, and her responsibility is to bring out the best in you, not crush you. If nothing else, I would wonder how she is doing her job if she is meddling so much in yours. If you get nowhere with her, I would contemplate asking for a sideways move and explaining why.

My dh had this in one job - he had 25 years of experience and was talented at what he did, but his line manager HAD to change every word. His boss was also a workaholic so even though dh was putting in long hours (no overtime pay), he always felt like he was sloping off early. He completely lost confidence.

I had to encourage and support him to change jobs, as he'd lost confidence in being able to get another post. It really affteced him for about 3 years afterwards, and probably lost him a promotion in his next job as he fluffed the interview by panicing about his ability. Do not let it get to that stage. Know that it is your boss's very poor management style that is making you feel this way. Get into another job and realise that you are as good as you ever were. Do it quickly.

Good luck.

Im guessing you aren't in a union?

Are you in an organisation where there is a HR department? If so I'd talk to them. If not, is there a big boss you can talk to?

She sounds awful. I would approach her about the changes to your work and ask for this task to be completed along side you and any changes explained to you to "help your growth." Ask for this to be done until she is happy with your standard of work that changes wont be needed. It will be a waste of both your times and will be fun to watch her try to explain why shes making minor edits.

Someone manages her. Are they approachable? Could you say you’re still adapting to her style and wonder if they could offer any guidance that would help streamline where processes currently feel unwieldy, duplicated or other issue that the higher manager will appreciate you wanting to improve…

In one sense does it matter whether this is normal? You are in tears every day and have lost your confidence. Don't wonder any more - just get out to a job where you feel happy and supported.

I had a very similar experience years ago, except she wasn't a new manager, she'd just got away with it for so long as those she managed would just leave rather than escalate.
I did stick up for myself and escalated it informally to senior management and ended up moving to a different manager for a short while until I managed to get a different role. Nothing really happened to her from a disciplinary pov at the time but a couple of years later I was called for an interview about her as I believe another of her victims had raised a formal grievance.
As with other pp, the experience really affected my confidence for a good while and it only really returned with the support of a really good manager in my new role.
If you feel able to go over her head and raise the issue with senior management (as you have already tried and failed to deal with it directly with her) I would encourage you to do so, but I would definitely also be looking for another job ASAP for your own sanity.

You've tried raising it with her, this is her style, it’s shit but this is what working with her will always be like. So options- can you move within the company to report to someone else? If not, start looking for a new job.

Sadly in many companies, people like this just continue until someone in HR notices a pattern of having to constantly replace direct reports.

I had this experience. I wouldn't even be surprised if it was the same manager - they sound identical. I just left after about a month. The manager was destroying my health and confidence. It's not worth staying in an environment like that if you can possibly avoid it because it's harder to get and keep a new role once your confidence has gone.

I had this and I’m sorry to say I had to leave. I raised it with senior management and nothing was done. I had to endure it for 14 months before I found another role. Either speak to higher ups and try to get moved , or Start looking ASAP

leave. move on. go sideways, go elsewhere, but do not stay. No, it's not normal.

This happened to me, and it's hell. You can't win with managers/people like this, and it won't be worth what's left of your confidence to make a go of things. Start your job hunt, up your networking, and build an exit plan.

I think I'd look for another job. She sounds exhausting.

Agree with this completely. However it’s all her insecurities not about you so does that help reframe it? I completely get the way it erodes your confidence when they are rewriting stuff. I’ve got one of those but I am old and bolshy and we get on well so I take the Micky out of him for it.

Yeah I've had similar, thankfully not my line manager but a work manager.
She was also new to the role and had been promoted from the job I was doing. She'd give me a task, when I had done it she would almost rip it up and tell me she wanted it done a different way. What made it worse was I was new in the role (notnew to the company though) although it was a role I had done inthe past.
Completely shot my confidence and, along with other issues on the project, my mental health really took a dive.
Slight difference in that she was actually a nice person but a complete control freak.
Once I got off that project I was much happier.

I’ve had this. Had to leave because it was going to make me ill. I remember being called into the office and asked to set something up for the following week and document it. The following day I got asked why I had scheduled it and to change it back. I politely explained that she’d asked me to do it and she had no recollection of the conversation. Time to go!

Just because she says this is how she manages doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. She sounds like a total pain in the arse.

Been there. Move. It won’t get any better even if you try to raise it.

This is what is happening, it is making me ill. I am contemplating leaving with nothing to go to because I physically cannot deal with it anymore. It’s such a shame because it’s a great company on paper but after 4 months, I don’t see anything changing

Have you raised your concerns with your manager or HR?

This type of thing can gnaw away at you and be very detrimental. She sounds similar to manger I had. Mine had no experience in the sector at all and no experience managing. She'd book clients in hours before I was due to start work then yell at me for not being there at 6am! I was a manager, but not allowed to manage 'my' staff- they had to sit in her office!

I was handed business cards with my name spelt wrong and both my personal mobile and home phone number on! No- I wasn't allowed to WFH. When I queried my personal numbers on there, she said 'Well Graham has his
mobile on there'. Graham was the company owner!!!

My sibling became very unwell and I was being tested as a potential live organ donor. I hated the job, but this was an added reason to leave. Literally the second I'd sit at my desk- she come in asking why I was sitting down all day! My colleagues got me a card/gift and none of the management team signed it nor even said goodbye! The best thing is to get out OP.