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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I do anything wrong here?

23 replies

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 10:27

Dinner out with friends last night. Conversation turned to bras(and out hatred of them) , what’s everyone wearing, what do they find comfortable etc. We’re all pretty well endowed, so historically we’ve struggled to find well supporting , well fitting and comfortable ones. For context , I’ve lost a lot of weight so I’m on the smaller side now, mostly because of floppiness and sag. Charming.

Anyway, I mentioned x bra from y shop and that I actually find them pretty comfortable. Friend A says it’s a crappy brand and they’re no good. Other friends expressed surprise at them coming in bigger sized. I said a few years ago (when I was still big) they started doing them and I was pleasantly surprised with them. Particularly the support without underwire. Friend A says again, they’re crap and never worked for her , so I genuinely asked if she had tried them. She said no, but she knows they’re crap. I said fair enough, but since they’re pretty cheap, no one would be breaking the bank if anyone wanted to try them and I’m very happy with them. She then replied with “I don’t know why you’re even getting involved , since you’re pretty much flat now anyway.”. I told her that it’s not big tits club, I can have an opinion regardless, plus I’ve been using them when I was big too and was talking from experience. After that, it all got pretty awkward,I went to the toilet with another friend to give it time to cool off/ conversation to change we finished food quickly and went home.

I still don’t fully know what happened and how it got so aggressive and forceful over frikking bras or if I was in the wrong somehow.

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 04/01/2026 10:30

Friend A sounds like a charmer. She’s also probably jealous at your weight loss.

ilovelamp82 · 04/01/2026 10:30

Nope, you did nothing wrong. She was weird. There's not way everyone else wouldn't have thought she was being weird. Move on, don't give it another thought.

gamerchick · 04/01/2026 10:30

This is everything to do with her and not you OP. You were just on the receiving end of her emotions. You've done something she's envious of. That's all.

Pixilicious1 · 04/01/2026 10:33

First post nails it

PersephonePomegranate · 04/01/2026 10:36

I'm not one to leap in with 'she's jealous', but on this occasion, she's very obviously jealous of your weight loss and behaving like a twat as a result.

I loved your response, OP. Had I been there. I'd have pissed my myself. It wasn't you who made things weird at all.

IAmTheLogLady · 04/01/2026 10:38

Friend A was u.
Is she usually like this or could she be having a bad day and took it out on you ?
What is the brand of bra ?

ThisWeekIAhBeenMostlyEatinTrifle · 04/01/2026 11:18

I hate it when people come out with ‘oh she’s just jealous, hun’, but in this case, it seems a pretty obvious case of envy of the OP’s recent weight loss. Ignore and move on!

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 11:21

IAmTheLogLady · 04/01/2026 10:38

Friend A was u.
Is she usually like this or could she be having a bad day and took it out on you ?
What is the brand of bra ?

Not really, she made a few throwaway comments but nothing too out there or upsetting, or in this manner.

Mostly along the “you’ve lost enough now”/ “you don’t have to lose anymore “. Which I agreed with tbh.

OP posts:
PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 04/01/2026 11:25

I don't think you were in the wrong, but it would have been wise not to take the bait when your friend started saying these bras were crap, it's not a topic worth getting into an argument over. I should think your other friends can make their own minds up about whether they want to try them out or not.

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 04/01/2026 11:27

I just want to know your bra recommendation.

BennyHenny · 04/01/2026 11:34

Good for you OP, her comment about you being flat now was her trying to shut you down so your response was perfect. She sounds quite unimaginative if she can’t fathom that others might have a different opinion to her, based on actual experience in your case!

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 04/01/2026 11:39

When you ask someone something, and instead of a worthwhile answer, they say “I just know” - I know it’s probably me, but I find that one of the most frustrating and infuriating statements. It actually means, “I have no proof and possibly no experience, either.” Friend A was unreasonable.

Well, and OP is unreasonable for not telling us the brand 😂

OriginalUsername2 · 04/01/2026 11:41

Jealousy. My MIL made a similar comment when I lost 5 stone and she had only lost one stone. It actually crushed me as I had those sort of comments from shitty boys and female members of my family as a teenager. Thought I was well past dealing with that as a grown woman.

Your response was great, wish I’d thought of that.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 04/01/2026 11:57

As PPs have said, it’s not about bras, it’s about your weight loss. Especially obvious in light of her trying to shut you down with the “you’re flat now” comment and the whole “you’ve lost enough now” thing. People have a lot of irrationally big, angry feelings around this stuff, particularly if they struggle with their own weight.

Of course you did nothing wrong, she was a dick and everyone round the table will have known it, and the reason for it. If you like her, let it go for now, or else have a private chat with her - ask if she’s ok. If she’s in any way an emotionally mature person and you have a good friendship, she may be self-reflective enough to admit she has complicated feelings about your weight loss.

If you’re not that bothered, either put some distance between you or be on your guard the next time and ready to call her out for her nastiness and put her on the spot for it - “what’s really going on, Sharon? Why are you so angry with me and eager to put me down?”. If backed into a corner publicly she’ll likely react badly and will probably instigate a defensive, friendship-ending row anyway. Which may not be any real loss for you quite frankly.

TheatricalLife · 04/01/2026 12:05

Definitely has a chip on her shoulder about your weight loss.
I had this with an old friend (although not about weight loss but about fitness and weight lifting) and she would take any opportunity to make a snarky comment or undermine my achievements or slag off my body shape (like men don't like muscly women etc). We are not friends now.

AlwaysTheRenegade · 04/01/2026 12:29

I want the bra recommendation too please @EatYourDamnPie
Yanbu

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 18:48

Nothing exciting about the bras. They’re the primark non wired ones. The 3 for £13 ones.I used to be a 40 E and they were great.

OP posts:
Bedofroses85 · 04/01/2026 19:03

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 18:48

Nothing exciting about the bras. They’re the primark non wired ones. The 3 for £13 ones.I used to be a 40 E and they were great.

Oh I completely agree! I only stopped buying Primark bras when I moved too far away from a shop! I always found them more comfortable than the main brands.

IAmTheLogLady · 04/01/2026 19:08

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 18:48

Nothing exciting about the bras. They’re the primark non wired ones. The 3 for £13 ones.I used to be a 40 E and they were great.

😊 Thanks

Twinkylightsg · 04/01/2026 19:10

Friend sounds jealous that you lost weight.

Twinkylightsg · 04/01/2026 19:12

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 11:21

Not really, she made a few throwaway comments but nothing too out there or upsetting, or in this manner.

Mostly along the “you’ve lost enough now”/ “you don’t have to lose anymore “. Which I agreed with tbh.

She is not saying it out of kindness. She is jealous and isn't happy with you achieving weightloss. Which is very sad!

She honestly doesn't sound like a good friend.

You havnt done anything wrong and congragulations/good job on your weightloss.

EatYourDamnPie · 04/01/2026 19:49

I’ll be honest, I was reluctant to post the brand in case it got negative replies (that would kind of justify Friend A) so avoided the thread most of the day. Apologies.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 04/01/2026 19:58

Sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder. It’s definitely her and not you.

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