DH is miffed with me. AIBU?

[NotoSIL]

DH has a sister who is, by all accounts, quite hard work and overindulged. She doesn’t work (lives rent-free in a family property) and is single currently. We (DH, me, my two stepkids and our two shared kids) visit the hometown for a few days every Christmas. She’s nice and friendly, but quite chaotic. Seems to be happier lately than she has been previously.

Before Christmas, she was in touch with DH to request a certain pair of trainers for Christmas worth £125. He told me the day before we left for his hometown, I duly trudged around the shops on my day off to find them but they were sold out in her size, so he arrived with just the other bits I’d got her (chocolate, jumper, some accessories - costing about £70).

SIL didn’t get me or any of the kids anything. She got DH a ticket to go to a foreign festival with her, on a date he can’t do.

On the last day of our holiday, DH said he needed to go to the cashpoint to withdraw £125 for SIL because he hadn’t got the trainers. AIBU to have said absolutely not?

She's a CF.

It's your husband's call as she's his sister but if it were up to me, I'd say 'let's not exchange gifts in future, we can spend the money we would have spent on ourselves'.

Well, I think it’s polite to buy a token gift for your sibling’s partner, if you’re doing gifts? Last year, we bought for her boyfriend at the time and his son.

I wouldn’t be offended not to get anything though. I do think a small gift for the kids would have been better than nothing for them and hundreds(/actually nothing) on DH though!

‘Bits’ costing £70!!!!
A jumper is a generous Xmas present.

And no presents for the kids?

I guess the Ill-planned festival ticket was expensive though.

No way! She can piss off!

It's not really an even playing ground though is it? She's feckless and chaotic, not paying her way and no family of her own. Your husband's situation is quite different.

Assuming you can afford it I would be fine with it if it was coming from a place or your husband wanting his sister to feel taken care of and supported.

If however it was led by ungrateful demands from her; where are my trainers, please give me the money instead I'd be saying FRO to that.

I would guess she knew dh couldn't attend the gig and has had his replacement lined up all along.
As a poster above wipe her birthday from your phone.
And agree dh can shop for his family this year...
What a bloody diva sil is!

I don’t bother buying or sending her birthday gifts as she’s never done the same for us or any of the children.

If she’d messaged me to ask, I could have told her he wouldn’t be able to make that date. And yes I believe she’s lined up a replacement attendee already (who will be paying her back for the ticket).

OP, both you and your husband are mugs, and doesn't she know it.

Is she a carer for her parents?

She is a cheeky fucker by the sound of it.

I do wonder why though, if you and DH (or even just DH) were willing to get the £125 trainers she requested but you couldn't get her size, did you not just give her £125 in cash or store vouchers? Then she could just have got the trainers herself when her size came back into stock. That way you wouldn't have already spent the additional £70, which clearly didn't satisfy your SIL.

Going forward, stop agreeing to get anything for her. She doesn't return the favour anyway. If DH feels the need to get her gifts then he sorts it out.

You spent more on your SIL than I did on my teens

You're a mug. Both of you.

I think this is perfect. But he didn't.

"SIL didn’t get me or any of the kids anything. She got DH a ticket to go to a foreign festival with her, on a date he can’t do."

No more gifts for her. If she asks I would just look confused and say

'When you didn't give us any gift last Christmas, I took it that you didn't want to exchange gifts with us any more. Is that not the case? Did you get presents for us?'

P.S. Your husband needs to wise up to his sister. She is not indulged / chaotic, she is your common or garden Cheeky Fucker with a sense of entitlement that can be seen from the moon!