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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half sisters not getting on issue

17 replies

Printco · 03/01/2026 20:36

My two daughters (ages 19 and 14) are by two different fathers and we live together with my husband at the same address. My husband is the father of my youngest daughter. My eldest daughter hates her sister and will not speak or interact with her sister at all. She just ignores her and when asked why she just said she hates her. It’s making my life a misery and have tried to talk to the eldest and she said she can’t be fake and pretend to like her. I’ve explained how this makes me feel and I don’t think she understands just how much it hurts me. Has anyone else been through this and can offer any advice? Thanks

OP posts:
Lightuptheroom · 03/01/2026 20:40

Leave them to it, I have 3 older brothers and 2 older sisters. One of them absolutely loathed me when we were growing up, in fact still does lol. My parents rule was we had to be civil to each other and not use hurtful words or language (the 19 year old is plenty old enough to be able to do this) unfortunately sibling rivalry can be a thing regardless of whether half or full siblings and she may also be reacting to her younger sibling having dad around all the time. Beyond being civil, there's no issue really unless older one is actively being spiteful etc which needs to be reigned in. Two hormonal teenage girls is never going to be peaceful!

Celestialmoods · 03/01/2026 20:43

Maybe she’s jealous, which would be understandable. It’s really difficult being a kid in a step family. You say you’ve explained your feelings but has she had any support to work out her feelings about her family situation?

Jeschara · 03/01/2026 20:50

She is 19, she should grow up. Very social media, " I can't pretend to be fake".
I would tell her when she grows up, we will have a conversation. How is it affecting the younger sister? If this was a big problem for her I would adress it, and if it carried on I would ask her to leave, unless the younger sister is doing something wrong to her, I would not have her upset.

PollyBell · 03/01/2026 20:55

Why do they have to get on? You chose to have them they had chose in the matter, they should be civil and not rude but you cant force people to get on

YourZippyHare · 03/01/2026 20:57

This can happen with 'full blood' siblings too. You can ask them to be civil to each other but you can't force them to like each other. This isn't really about you and your feelings tbh.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/01/2026 20:57

It’s probably hard feeling like the outsider in the house, but she’s an adult now so she shouldn’t be allowed to behave like that in your house when she’s old enough to move out. Tell her that if she’s living in your house she needs to be civil and keep her hate to herself. Remind her that if it is an issue with the family unit that that is your ‘fault’ not her sisters

RainbowZebraWarrior · 03/01/2026 20:59

My DD doesn't even recognise her younger half sister as a relative, and why should she? I don't think you can force these things. Mind, my DD has only met her half sibling 3 times in 4 years, and we have very separate lives from ex partner. It must be very difficult if you feel you 'have' to have a blended family for whatever reason.

I was made to accept and share my life with my absolute arse of a step sister from the age of 9 to around 14. Made my life hell. Wouldn't put my DD what I went through.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 03/01/2026 21:05

So eldest was 5 when her half sister was born ? 4ish when you were pregnant? How old when you got together with dp? How old when you split with her dad?
you seem to be placing all the blame for their poor relationship on her? Is that how it goes at home?

SpanThatWorld · 03/01/2026 21:06

My two eldest sons can't bear one another. Now both in their mid 20s they can just about cope with being in the same room but you can feel the antagonism.
They agree on absolutely nothing, have nothing in common and despise one another.

Not much you can do.

Greengreengras · 03/01/2026 21:07

My mother has full sister she hates. She told
me that she has hated her since being young children. Apparently her sister from a young age lied about her doing things to her and her mum would constantly punish her. In the end she banned her from her room and refused to play with her. She caused trouble later on with my mother’s school friends. My mum has never got along with her sister. My grandma has no idea about this and can’t understand why neither get along. The reality is my grandma sided with the younger sister and constantly punished my mother for some reason. She even went as far as claiming to be bullied. My mum said she was the bully and she thrived on the attention it got her claiming to be bullied. Have they ever got along? Is there any issues between the gils you are unaware off?

JoshLymanSwagger · 03/01/2026 21:10

She can either be civil, or as she's over 18, can exercise her right to leave and get her own place.

Unless there's a massive backstory that you haven't included she needs to learn some manners.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 03/01/2026 21:14

My 19 and 14 (actually now 15 year old) have a love hate relationship both different dads. There’s a real difference in age and stuff they’re interested in. My 15 year old hates 19 year old because she works, has money, has a car, a boyfriend where as my 19 year old can’t stand my 15 year old because she’s an absolute know it all. I do see pockets of adoration from time to time and I do think if push came to shove they would defend eachother to the death. Age gaps tend to get smaller as they will both find common interests. I’m sure you’re sick of people telling you it’s a phase as I certainly am but I do believe we’re slowly coming out of that hormonal horrible ugly rocky patch.

Anothercoffeex · 03/01/2026 21:26

Im one of 5 i only talk to one sister.
The other 3 we just didnt click no hate with us just felt like strangers made to get on, until we left home not spoken in over 24 year.
The 5th child my brother i dont hate him, i just dont like him hes not important to me or to my sisters.
He is mummys pet.
The sister i talk to is a twin to the other sister and they have not spoken in 20 years.

Newyearawaits · 03/01/2026 21:30

Not sure that 'half sister' description is helpful, they are sisters and share the same home.
Fwiw, I remember 'hating' my sister as a teenager. Now I love her beyond words.
Take care OP

Fidgety31 · 03/01/2026 21:39

I find it strange that you refer to your daughters as half sisters when they both live with you !
maybe your oldest is picking up on this

Goldengirl123 · 03/01/2026 22:06

Leave them. I was like this with my sister but we are now best friends

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 03/01/2026 22:14

JoshLymanSwagger · 03/01/2026 21:10

She can either be civil, or as she's over 18, can exercise her right to leave and get her own place.

Unless there's a massive backstory that you haven't included she needs to learn some manners.

So you agree with the op that any issues are totally the fault of the older sister? The younger is faultless?

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