Has anyone successfully improved their DH’s phone use?

[Sofitella]

Because I’m getting very frustrated. I don’t want to keep talking about it with him as it’s just becoming white noise and the pull of the phone seems much stronger. I’d love to hear anything positive, it’s not something I’m going to end it over but Jesus it’s doing my head in - always fighting against the little rectangle for his attention and time and trying to encourage being more present with the DC. I wish something low-risk would happen that opens his eyes and starts some kind of epiphany. But I have no idea what this would be.

I dont think you can realistically expect to change someone elses habit like that, only they can. All you can do is discuss the impact it has on you and your family, then if they want to make a change they will.

My husband is like this. It drives me insane. Worst thing is, if I am actually doing something on my phone, ie the delivery for the shop or sorting through school emails and he tries to speak to me, I get told im being ignorant and ignoring him! Even though I do answer him at the time.
He however can watch YouTube videos for hours on end and ignore everyone in the household and thats not a problem at all! 🤯

@ThatKhakiLeader I think we’re married to the same person

it’s depressing and sad really 😔

Look at your question. It's hard enough to change your own phone habits. Something I'm working on currently and it's been hard but I've had to be so determined. There is no way you can change it for someone else.
You are tolerating it when he's clearly dropped out of family life.

@sociallydistained with respect, I haven’t said anywhere that he has dropped out of family life. But I am finding the phone use excessive and annoying. So yes I am asking the question, whilst acknowledging that of course any change needs to come from the inside- there may be things that have helped that we internal thought process along a bit. I know there has been for me on other topics.

My mother has a little phone jail thing that she insists we all put our phones in when we visit because one of my siblings is unable to resist scrolling their phones.

Could you try something like that for set periods?

He could set app limits and turn his screen to greyed out. Has he looked at his own screentime and usage that might shock him. Maybe he could listen to a podcast about screen addiction. How damaging it is for the brain.

Really unless he wants to change it himself its unlikely to change. Maybe you could up your boundaries around it. Explain you are losing connection to him and feeling ignored/not a priority so untill he starts to manage it differently you'd like to "insert your own boundary" something like sleep apart/spend evenings apart or only communicate/spend time together without phones present to aid your own peace and sanity. You have to hold these boundaries so make them something you can commit to.

Essentially unless people are faced with some form of impactful consequences they don't change.

It is something I would consider leaving over. I certainly wouldn't feel close to him. Respected by him or a priority. That in turn would affect my ability to have any intimacy at all with him.

Is any of that something he would care about? If not then I think you may need to ask yourself why you don't think you deserve someone who does place you as a priority. Does listen to you. Does place connection with you as more important than a phone.

Thanks @NoSoupForU @MightyGoldBear some good thoughts for me to look at