Weekend break without some of the kids am I being unreasonable?

[VictoriaKnowles]

Would I be wrong for wanting to go away for a long weekend with my 9-month-old DS, my DH, and my BIL, without my DD (6) DSD (11)? Just to add my DD is from a previous relationship.

I really need a break. Ideally, I’d love to leave my DS too, but I can’t because I’m breastfeeding. Thankfully, he’s very easy-going and chill and doesn’t stress me out, so I’m happy to travel with him.

If I were to bring both girls, it wouldn’t actually be a break for me, and that’s what I genuinely need right now — some time to relax, go shopping, sit in a café or restaurant, and just switch my mind off for a bit.

I’ve also spoken to my DD about it, and she’s completely fine. She’ll be staying with her Auntie and Uncle , and she said she would be fine with that.

I’m just wondering what others think about taking this time without the girls.

I think going away just with the dc related to both DP and leaving the dc from previous relationships behind sounds extremely hurtful and I wouldn't do it.

If you need a rest, there are ways to achieve that without a lovely holiday that might make young dc feel like they aren't fully part of the family.

YABU. I think the older ones will be upset and feel rejected, even if they don't say so. I'd be more worried about them saying it's fine because they will definitely be holding in some upset.

A new child from a new shiny relationship. A tale as old as time.

Your sd and d from previous relationship wouldn't be going.
This will make them feel rejected.
Your family dynamics need sensitive handling and going away will be detrimental

Why are you taking BIL?

What exactly did you say when you spoke tonight DD about it? Bit weird to leave your child but take your brother in law

Oh FFS. @VictoriaKnowleshas a 9 month old and wants a long weekend to recharge. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. The older dc will be with family. She’s hardly talking about taking the little one to Disneyland and leaving the others at home.

An adult focused break where your DH and BIL can look after the little one sounds perfect.

And I can see why you would take your BIL. He and DH can hang out together with the baby. That will give you time and space to recharge.

Yeah. It’s not about her though. The children and their feelings need to be put first in these situations. They did not ask for a blended family and new siblings and step siblings.

I don’t see anything wrong with this? DH and I went for weekends away with friends from when dc were around 5 and 8, they stayed with grandparents. Presumably there will still be a holiday of some kind with the other children in the summer? And obviously baby has to come if mum is breastfeeding.

I wouldn’t do this. It isn’t about your 6yo as she is happy with it. It’s about your dhs dd, and her father going away with one of his children but not her. You haven’t mentioned her feelings in the op, so what are they?
I would wait the few months till I’m not breastfeeding, then go with friends/solo leaving all the children with dh.

I agree to some extent. Imagine your mum goes on her first break after having a new baby with the new man and she take the baby but leaves you behind. Some kids would be really upset at that, but obviously they would tell the mum it’s fine.

I think it depends what OP said to her DD though, if she explained she needs a break or the holiday would be boring for the kid the that’s quite damaging. But if she made it a fun sleepover with the auntie thing then the kid will probably be totally fine. Either way she’s done it now anyway

If you sell it as a boring grownups trip, and maybe tell them some of the boring grown up stuff you ll be doing, I can’t see it should be a problem. Stress that annoyingly you have to take the baby because breastfeeding, but he’ll have to put up with the boring activities because you can’t leave him, unlike the big girls who can have a fun weekend doing big girl stuff wherever they are.
Go and relax for the weekend!

As the girls are older, presumably you and your DH do things with them that are not age appropriate for the baby to do?
i see nothing wrong with spending time away from some of the children if similar situations will be reciprocated - trips away with the older girls and not younger DS?

I’ve also spoken to my DD about it, and she’s completely fine. She’ll be staying with her Auntie and Uncle , and she said she would be fine with that.

This is such a weird way to talk about a six year old.

BIL is moving to another country for work and thought it could be a combined break as we are close to spend sometime together before he leaves.

Just to add we have at least 3 family holidays a year with all the children together focused on them.

Me and my DH have always gone away start of the year without the girls as our one holiday a year to spend time together which is important for us especially when you have kids. This would be the only one with DS as I can leave him with my MIL next year.

My DD is used to me going away once a year since she was 2 with DH and enjoys spending time with her family while we are away it has never been an issue, I would never leave her if it was.

It’s absolutely fine. Both the big girls are staying home, the baby has to come as he’s breastfeeding and can’t be left. Completely reasonable.

I think it’s fine as long as you make time for a holiday with your older dd’s without the baby and Dh as soon as baby is weaned and a bit more independent.

I take my dc away solo without the other and I also go on holiday alone without any of them. I took 8 month old ds to Spain for a week because he was bf and I couldn’t leave him home (dd and Dh stayed home). But then when ds was 16 months and no longer bf, I took dd away to Italy for an adventure just the two of us.

I’ve done similar a few times since then. Ds and I went to Spain. Dh and dd went to France for 2 weeks a couple months later. There is an age gap between them similar to yours so they enjoy very different holidays. We also have a dog and a farm that needs looking after, which makes it easier to leave one adult at home. It’s worked really well, but you have to make time for everyone.

Again - what about his dd? How does she feel about it?

Why are you asking us what we think if your DD is ok with it?

No I wouldn't. If you want to do an adult only holiday then I would wait til the baby is old enough to also be left.

Of course it's fine! It's just a weekend and she'll have fun staying at her Auntie and Uncle's! Go, and have a nice relaxing time ☺️

@HoLeeFukhow is weird?

DH and I went away for a 2 night stay and our 2 DDs stayed with my best friend. I asked them both (aged 3 and 5) if they were happy to stay there and they said yes, they were excited about it

Exactly this. 6/9 year olds are old enough to understand the concept that actually this is a grown up trip. Baby is only coming cos he has too and won't know anything about it. It's really dull grown up stuff and later in the year we're all going to go to X together for an actual holiday. It's not got anything to do with step or full children, old or new. You can even say you'd love to leave baby but can't.