My Estranged Dad

[Snowball9825]

My dad took himself off to the EU about 23 years ago. He only has myself and my younger brother, both 40+.

He text me on Boxing Day to say he’d had a stroke, he’s lost his voice and cannot swallow so he’s been into hospital to have a peg fitted. Prior to this it was a nasal tube for feeding purposes.

Doctors are saying he’s malnourished, no signs of cancer and the artery scans have come back clear.

Ive booked to go out next week, im worried about what I’ll see. He’s only 65. Apparently this has been going on for months.

Sorry not really an AIBU but posting for traffic, I’m scared to see him thin.

It's going to be a shock possibly. Or you might be relieved to see him and it isn't as bad as you've imagined.
How would it be if you did some video calls instead of texting? It sounds that you need to go and that is going to be hard, would seeing him first on a video call make it a bit less drastic?
Sounds tough but you can do this. Xx

Sounds really tough OP. Have you seen him or been in contact with him in those 23 years or is this the first time? Its great you are able to go to him and learn more about his condition and find out how he wants to move forwards. Hope you have some nice friends and family back home to support you.

Thanks to you both. I saw him 3 years ago at my grandmas funeral (his mum) but we never really kept in touch afterwards. He’s lost his voice too so he’s happy to text as he can’t speak. He’s all pleased I’m coming out so I will take that as a bonus.

What are you hoping for, in visiting him? What is your purpose?

I ask because he will still be the man who hasn’t bothered with you all these years. Just a sicker version. Would he have rushed to your side if you’d had an accident?

Just make sure you have thought through all the permutations, so you aren’t disappointed.

Thanks, I want to see my dad. Things have been difficult as a family and yes he’s let me down numerous times but he’s still my dad. I can’t be that callous and cut him off after this. I’m just struggling with seeing him poorly.

I hope you have some good time together. Do try and look after yourself as well. I’m sorry if I sounded harsh- my sister gets repeatedly hurt by our DM as she hopes for her approval. Whatever happens, remember however old and frail he is now, he has made his choices over the years that have lead him to this place.
💐