To want to move house because my MIL has moved to my street?

[ServingCant]

My FIL died early last year and my MIL decided to downsize (they had a 5 bedroom house in the countryside and she thought it would too much for herself to handle which fair enough). However, I may have inadvertently caused her to buy a house at the end of my street when I mentioned it to her a few months ago. I never thought she would actually buy it but here we are. Two months ago she officially moved in. Yay. I don’t not get along with her but can find her extremely overbearing (my DH is her only child and therefore we get all the attention). I have some sympathy obviously for her, but the incessant ‘just popping over’ and constant texts and calls and passive aggressive comments about my food, parenting skills, decor and - sometimes - appearance is driving me slightly mad. Am I unreasonable here or should I do something about this?

I think before you go to the mad hassle of moving, especially if you actually like your home and where you live otherwise, then you need to sit down with your other half and discuss boundaries now she's moved and then your other half needs to have an unfortunate but clear chat with her about those boundaries. Could also be framed both ways as "we don't want to be intruding on you when you want some time for yourself and I'm sure you don't want that either etc" .

I'd try to make it workable and if that fails then yes I probably would move.

Crikey, how awful. Could you encourage her to find a hobby or two? I suppose losing your life partner must be really tough, how's she handling that without support?

Firstly, telling her about the house was in effect suggesting she move there. I think it’s poor form to move that near an adult child without some sort of sign it would be ok.

And your dh needs to sit down with her an absolutely outline boundaries. As clear as anything, ones that you and he have discussed already. Give her a printed list if necessary, but make it absolutely overt. All the things which bother you.

Otherwise you will go mad. I’m a mother in law by the way.

I voted yabu, but only because you told her about the house for sale at the end of your road when she was house hunting....and now she has moved in you want to move out? That's quite odd I think? Like you encouraged her to move to a road she may not have otherwise wanted and now she's made the huge commitment, you want to leave.

That said, I wouldn't like my mil to live in my street either, so yanbu there! But I wouldn't suggest she buy a house in my street either (and she wouldn't buy one either)

Oh god what an absolute nightmare I’d hate that

I’d be constantly ‘busy’ she needs to join some local activities. She can’t just rely on you and DH to keep her company. She sounds insufferable. Yes she’s lost her DH but that’s her business not yours to solve

I have some sympathy obviously for her, but the incessant ‘just popping over’ and constant texts and calls and passive aggressive comments about my food, parenting skills, decor and - sometimes - appearance is driving me slightly mad. Am I unreasonable here or should I do something about this?

YANBU but you need to set some boundaries, or get your husband too, as she continue and it’ll destroy you. It’ll be easier to do it when she’s only been living there 2 months than if you leave it longer.

100% the above comments. Unless you were planning to move, try sorting this out first. Put some boundaries in place.

Does she know anyone in your area. Can you suggest some volunteering, maybe friends can suggest their mums to meet up show her around. She needs to find a life of her own. My friend's mum moved from the other side of the country, about a year after her husband (friend's father) died to live near her daughter. She got herself a little rescue dog, ended up helping with the animal shelter and meeting lots a 'friends' on doggie walks. Another one's mum joined a very active book group and thai chi class to get her out of the house.

Your DH needs to address the 'pop round' thing. You need to stop letting her comments go unchecked. A few 'Dont make me regret telling about the house being for sale's or My MIL used to do it, it's infuriating. We were a 20 minute drive away but she refused to ring before she left or ask if it was convenient. We fell into a thing where she came round for dinner once midweek and coffee/cake on. Sunday. DH helped with the shopping at the weekend and did any bits around the house.

Can you ask your MIL to help with the kids, nursery/school pick ups etc. or lifts to Hobbies. Make her feel 'useful'. You need to block the phone calls and let DJ deal with them.

Oh dear what a nightmare! Agree with PPs about setting firm boundaries, get your husband to do it.

You encouraged her by suggesting the house. She probably thought you were happy for her to live there.
she’s lost her husband and only has her ds left of course she wants to be near him.
However I would speak to her kindly and explain you would like some boundaries so you can all enjoy seeing each other and also maybe ask
if she knows about local clubs etc to join.
YABU try and have more humanity

This.