Over the last year, the trust in my relationship with my partner (33M) has been completely obliterated. We have been together for 13 years and have an 11 year old daughter, house with mortgage and pets. We have build a whole life together. Last year, he had a full scale mental breakdown, admitted to drug use, debt and walked out of
his job and went to live with his mum to avoid all responsibility. It was horrific, I had no idea about the drugs as I am not street wise at all and no idea of the debt. After therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, we were back on track until I discovered injectable anabolic steroids in a rucksack in our room.
That brings me to now. He has been on the straight and narrow with therapy, antidepressants/ anxiety meds and an ADHD diagnosis, for
which he is now medicated.
I had some suspicion that he was trying to source steroids again so I read his messages. I have never done this before. What I discovered instead of messages about steroids was inappropriate messages to someone he manages at
work. There was no actual evidence of cheating but the tone was off, a few inappropriate and flirtatious jokes from him, saying he would go to her house with care packages and how he couldn’t describe how he would paint her because it would get him into trouble. He would pursue her every day just asking what she was up to, “hey you, what’s your plans for today?” The whole thing was just off. I confronted him about it so obviously had to come clean about reading his messages. He was furious and said it was an invasion of privacy and that I’m a controlling lunatic. I have never had these concerns before- we have always been very trusting of one another but they made me feel uncomfortable. When I read them to him he agreed it sounds off and said he would stop messaging her. I apologised for looking at his phone but said I won’t be gaslighted into thinking I’m the issue when he’s the reason I have trust issues. Today, a parcel arrived and I opened it thinking it was something I had ordered and it was wrapping paper with tiramisus on it (random I know). I instantly thought of all the flirty personal jokes him and the girl would make. I casually asked him what it’s for and he said “a gift for someone at work” when he saw my face he said “don’t worry,
not Jess.” I don’t know whether to believe him for one but I just want to know how to get over these trust issues or whether I ever will. I constantly think he is doing something he shouldn’t be doing and it is unhealthy. He has said I opened it on purpose as I don’t trust him. It is exhausting to be worrying about what he is doing all of the time. I feel like he doesn’t even appreciate what I have put up with the last year, and how I have stuck by and supported him through all of his hardships while still working my job as a secondary school teacher, paying the bills and running the house, taking care of our daughter and pets. He doesn’t see how I could have trust issues. Will I ever get over this, or will it be like this forever?