To think DH is selfish

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Both not been well. I’ve had a hacking cough and cold for nearly a month now, DH not as long.

Both of us losing sleep because of our bloody coughs. Difference is DH has been off work last 10 days with Christmas break and these last few days he’s been lying in bed til late morning because of his cough 🙄 I on the other hand have been working all over Christmas where i start work at 3am.

AIBU to think my DH is incredible selfish lounging in bed. I’m home from work around 9am to come home and pretty much do everything until he decides to get up, when I’m not well either and functioning on little sleep.

Have u tried not doing the chores and seeing if he eventually helps?

Have you spoken to him and explained that he needs to get stuff done?

You can't change other people's behaviours. You can only change the way you react to them.

Don't bother trying to reason with him, particularly if he's feeling unwell (and wallowing in it).

Look after yourself and stop doing any of his drudge work until he learns to behave like an adult.

What are the things you think need doing? Are there animals or children you’re responsible for?

What on earth do you do that you work 3am and home by 9am?

Take some sick days, or at least stop running yourself ragged. Why do you need to be doing everything, just come home and go back to bed.

You didn't mention, do you have children? If you do, and he's leaving all childcare to you, that's unfair. If you don't, I don't see the harm in him resting, and it sounds like you need to as well if it's been over a month and you are still sick.

This is the question isn't it.

Not getting up with dogs or small children - there's a problem.

Not getting up to put a load of laundry that could just wait til this afternoon -there's no problem.

I don't know if he's selfish.
He's unwell and off work.
You mention no children that he needs to be caring for.
Will he do the work that needs doing when he's up and we'll enough or do you just think he should be up because you are?

Well don’t do things then
get home and go back to bed

What do you need to do?
What would happen if you came home and just went to bed?
Not really his fault he’s been off work and you haven’t, probably better that he focuses on getting himself better.
Don’t be a martyr though, if there’s stuff that needs doing you can both do it later on (unless we’re talking about taking the dog out or looking after kids)

I have 2 teenage kids so they’re old enough to fend for themselves but animals to take care off and always come home to a dirty little tray that can’t wait so needs doing.

Today I am more annoyed though as we are taking decs down and tidying house but guess I’ll be doing it as he’s still in bed.

It’s up to you

teenage children can take decorations down and clear up after pets and feed themselves

yiu can let him rest and do everything , or you can rest yourself

you have a choice and you choose to make the wrong one

Well it's only 11am so plenty of day left...I'm not ill and I'm still in bed scrolling while DH snoozes beside me, nothing to be up for today after a busy festive fortnight.

Tell the teens to clean out the tray and you go back to bed for a bit and stop grumping.

Why cant the teenagers care for the animals?

This is cutting your nose off to spite your face. The decorations and cleaning can wait a few days. You know all you have to do is rest yourself but you're making yourself a martyr to make a petty point that your husband won't pick up on, because you've not actually spoken to him.

Are they his children and animals?

Stop being a martyr and go to bed if you're sick

Well don't do anything today. Go back to bed to rest. Decs can go down next week.
Or teenagers can do it
Look after yourself
House tidying can wait

Why does everything have to be done in the morning? Im confused as to why he’s not allowed a lie in because you get home at 9am? What must be done between 9am and when he gets up that stops you from going to bed?

Teenagers can look after animals

The litter tray can wait a couple of hours especially if you scooped any poo before going to work.

Decorations can be taken down later or over the weekend when you both feel a bit better

Teenagers can help with taking decs down and cleaning (we are doing ours tomorrow, have already said to the DCs it’s all hands on deck)

If you’re still not well by Sunday and your DH is better and rested he could do the decorations and cleaning without you while you spend some time in bed

You’re making yourself a martyr which is what so many women do, just stop.