To wonder how people cope with busy travelled filled Christmas/New Year Periods

[Lessiatessia]

Hi all, I have a relatively small family and while I like to think of myself as quite sociable, when it comes to social events over the festive period it’s pretty light for me. Generally the work Christmas party, a meal with my friends, Christmas Day/Boxing Day one at either my parents or DHs parents alternating. New Year’s Eve we stay in, New Year’s Day varies but generally just my parents over or similar, all in or around London, no real travel needed. The only day we might host is new year and it’s very low key.

I have a friend however who is incredibly tradition focussed and never seems to stop over the festive period. Her parents live abroad in 2 separate countries. She is freelance but does a night out with the people she’s met through work, uni night out with our friends, hosts a massive Christmas Eve dinner for her partners parents/siblings/her parents if they are visiting, Christmas Day at her partners parents, Boxing Day she hosts for some of her friends from the same country as her, then flies to her mums county for new year where she rents an Airbnb and hosts New Year’s Eve for her mothers family including another big meal, New Year’s Day meal out, flies to her dads country and celebrates again with them another massive meal before coming home!

DH said to be he wishes our Christmas period was more like hers and we should try to be busier next year!
AIBU to wonder how anyone manages that year after year and not want it to become my future Christmas?

Has he just said it as a stupid thing to say and he doesn't mean it?

tell him if he wants to organise that for himself, he can go right ahead.

If your husband wants a busier festive period, then he can get going organising it. He can book travel, plan, cook for and host two parties, send out invites etc. What's stopping him? Oh wait....he wants YOU to do it! Well, tough shit.
My travel load is pretty heavy as I have family abroad and friends spread all over the country. But I don't do any hosting on top of that. I usually get invited to see people and my only job is to organise travel and buy presents. I am actually still now at my friend's house, we have a lunch date with her family (they cook) and then I'll be heading home this afternoon. I haven't cooked a single meal since the 22nd of December.

YANBU OP. For many people the Christmas period is also a time of rest and relaxation either alone or with family.

If he starts harping on again about having a busy Christmas etc. just show him the news coverage of the Eurostar and Le Shuttle issues over the last few days! Not sure I’d fancy being stuck on a train for hours with no working toilet.

Let us know if he does produce an itinerary for Christmas 2026 😂

I don't think that sounds weird

Aye. He wants to be busier he can do all the planning, organising, shopping hosting.

I have various social events in December one of which I organise, Christmas Eve family meal, Christmas Day normal day.

Boxing Day family meal out on a walk day, day agyer a sporting fixture and the day after that family pantomime with a big meal
NYE mates here for a meal.

couldn't do it without my h helping

Everyone is different - it would be my idea of absolute hell but some people love it and even seem to thrive on it.

If your DH wants to be busier next year he can crack on organising it all, paying for it all and sorting it all can’t he? I suspect it won’t be anywhere near as appealing then 😂

I always have to get on a flight to visit parents and family and it’s so stressful - 2 little kids as well

we always finish up work , end up packing all week in advance and then a big rush to the airport - having to bring all the Santa presents in the bloody suitcase - rushing around to see everyone - exhausted by the time we get back.

yea it’s nice seeing everyone and the kids have a blast with cousins etc

but this year - (kids are 18months & 4) we decided to stay here and have a break tor once ! It’s been a lovely change - we are so relaxed - a whole 2 weeks off and we are taking turns getting to with the kids and having lazy days where we haven’t even gotten dressed until lunch time! We’ve been to the zoo and various fun days out.

kids are so happy and even sleeping in until 8 some days which is so unusual for them.

our usual life is hard - both work full time and 1 kid in nursery and 1 in school and we are basically running around doing drop offs / pick ups getting in late / rushing to get dinner bath bed done in the space of an hour when we get in etc it’s exhausting and this break with no plane ride has been amazing have to say !!

I think maybe it’s good to mix it up a bit - like maybe next year we will go back after Xmas for a few days instead of going back the full 2 weeks

Everyone is different. I know a few people who absolutely love a busy festive period and others who barely move off the sofa for a week. I always think lots of meals with different friends and family members sounds fun, but I know I'd get social burnout very quickly! I'm a bit of a mixture over the festive period, with some busy days and quieter days.

We have a bit of what your busy friend has, as we don’t live in the UK but our families do. It’s a fucking nightmare every year. Travelling at Christmas is no fun and everything costs a bloody fortune. Your friend must have plenty of money to throw at this. We don’t do the hosting etc, but usually have a ton of social events in the run up.

Does your friend have children? We have two, and for many years it has been same shit, different view being away from home at Christmas. Sleeping in uncomfortable beds, fitting in with other schedules etc. Negotiating which set of grandparents get to spend Christmas morning with the children. Nowadays my parents are the only ones who have space to host us, but they live way out in the sticks so we have to hire a car and spend every second day driving to see DH family.

So yes, if your friend is rich and child free I could see the attraction of her kind of Christmas. Otherwise, it’s just an expensive, exhausting nightmare.

Easy.
You just say, "Yes, of course dear. You organise everything exactly as you want and I'll go along with it". Leave him to it entirely.
Pretty guaranteed it won't happen.
Job done.

We used to travel from SE England to see family in Scotland for Christmas. But I just found it utterly exhausting. One of would always end up ill and miserable, we could never relax properly, childhood resentments would reappear and my parents favouritism towards my younger sibling (plus her children) would be hurtful to watch. So now we just stay at home over Christmas. We visit DH's family just before Christmas and mine in the summer.

She has one daughter who is 4, and I don’t say this lightly but I often think she has been blessed with the best behaved child known to man! We have 2 children and to me they would end up very irritable if the Christmas holidays were so busy.
I do wonder what my friend will do when her child starts school and needs the downtime as she seems to get such a high off of being busy!