To feel deeply lonely and isolated

[TheSparklyShoe]

I feel deeply lonely and isolated most of the time. I’ve separated from DH and teen lives with him and now it’s just me and our youngest who is profoundly autistic.

I’m so deeply lonely.

These Christmas holidays it has mostly just been DS and I, day after day after day. We go for little walks and play in the garden but life feels so quiet and empty now it’s just the two of us. He’s a happy, joyful little boy and is always smiling but it is so hard not having his dad around or his brother to chat to, play with DS or just to have others to talk to. I miss us all sitting at the kitchen table and eating a meal together or watching a film with his Dad and teen.

Everyone I chat to in work or via social media seems to have huge families, sisters, aunties, grandchildren, big groups of friends etc.

I have a part time job I enjoy and work helps, it does help when we are in a routine/school/work etc and the days don’t stretch out so much.

My only family is my elderly parents who are approaching 80. I’m very grateful I still have them but also hyper aware that when they are gone I’ll have no one.

Life is so quiet and lonely now.

I do have friends who I can meet for coffees or go to the theatre/for breakfast which I’m grateful for too, it’s just the day to day that life feels very lonely and the future feels bleak.

You’re doing a great job looking after your child. Hopefully some opportunities through friends and work will emerge in the new year. Be kind to yourself and now your value.

Nothing stays the same forever. Sending you my best wishes, you seem to be able to look for the good in your situation. Keep on doing that and as the days get longer again I'm sure life will feel brighter.

A handhold from a fellow parent to a profoundly autistic child. It's lonely, and the days are long. The holidays are the worst, hopefully being back into routine will help. I find the worst are the sen groups and meetups everyone thinks you can go to, but aren't equipped for someone as severe as my dc. No advice really, but please know you're not alone.

Thank you 💕 Sending you a handhold too, it’s very difficult and profound autism is rarely spoken about or catered for. People suggest autism groups for meet ups but most of the time I am the only parent running around after my son who is breaking into the kitchens, turning on the taps, reaching for the kettle or trying to escape while the other kids happily do crafts, colouring or chat to their parents. Most of the events seem to be cinema trips, laser tag, bowling or board games which is great for kids who are able to take part but no good for someone like my son. It’s also difficult to chat to other parents as I have to constantly watch my son and prevent mischief!

Thank you 💕

Thank you ☺️ I’m lucky in the sense that I do make sure I’ve got things booked in the diary to look forward to, I’ve got a fair few friends that I can text to ask if they want to see a show etc. It’s just day to day my life feels very isolated.

It's a long road with no turning.

We all go through stages of life: some happy, some sad, some lonely, some full but they are all part of one life and this is your stage FOR NOW not for ever.

Thank you. I’m actually reading the book Wintering by Katherine May and this is exactly what she talks about.

Are there other parents with autistic children that you could make friends with? Maybe through a support organisation or charity? Do a bit of research- something might pop up locally for you. Connecting with people in the same boat will be very helpful, I should think

Everyone I chat to in work or via social media seems to have huge families, sisters, aunties, grandchildren, big groups of friends etc.
Its not like that for everyone.

There are lots of people living alone who dont have any children.

If you want to meet more people.you.need to go.out and try it won't come to you.

Everyone I chat to in work or via social media seems to have huge families, sisters, aunties, grandchildren, big groups of friends etc.
Its not like that for everyone.

There are lots of people living alone who dont have any children.

If you want to meet more people.you.need to go.out and try it won't come to you.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. It is a terrible feeling and I can somewhat relate, being a single parent to a young child. I agree that it's the quietness that gets to me. And sometimes just needing some adult company, not for a particular night out or event, but just low key company at home, to watch TV or chat about little things that have happened that day, or talk through small problems you might have.
I also used to compare a lot thanks to what I saw on social media. I craved that big family lifestyle and large friendship group. But that's not all it's cracked up to be either, and I actively avoid social media at certain times, for example I haven't been on at all over the last 2 weeks over Christmas. I can't stress enough how much this helps me.
I found that things got easier over time, I now enjoy living on my own with my son and enjoy my own company. I like to plan nice things for my evenings, even little treats or watching something good on telly or a hobby I could do. And connection to a friend during the day, perhaps a text or voicenote, boosts my mood if I am feeling particularly isolated. Don't be afraid to reach out as I'm sure you would be happy to support others if the roles were reversed.
Sending lots of love as loneliness can be crippling at times. There will be better times ahead 💗

Could you look into respite care? I know provision is patchy but a family member who is a single parent with a son with downs syndrome really benefited from him going to residential respite care for the occasional weekend.

I understand the challenge of the day-to-day, and it is hard. I agree with @BookAndPiano and have also found Wintering really resonated. I am finding acceptance of this time does open up other possibilities. They’re not exciting but does feel less deadend.

Hold your nerve @TheSparklyShoe We are remarkable creatures by our tenacity to evolve and survive.