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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister ignored me in my own house

9 replies

Anuta77 · 01/01/2026 20:10

My 6 year old nephew is very defiant. My own kids were pretty calm, so I'm not used to this and I admit that I don't have a lot of patience for screaming, saying no to everything, ignoring when someone talks to him, making animal noises, hitting, etc. He's my sister's only child from a donor and she's overprotective of him and doesn't always discipline him because she says it's not good for him to be always reprimanded. Over the years, she mentioned that several people stopped inviting him for playdates.

Many times I support his behaviour, but I also know that my sister is tired and sometimes I intervene (since they say that it takes s village to raise a kid). Well, today, he was again mooing at the table, refusing to wash his hands before eating. I didn't sleep well and was not patient. So I just told him that if he doesn't behave, I won't invite him again. It was an empty threat and I know that it's probably not acceptable according to perfect parenting practices, but it's a type of a thing that parents would say when I was young.

My nephew didn't even pay attention and happily continued playing with my son.

But sister got upset with me saying that my consequence was not appropriate for his behaviour and ignored me in my own house for the next 2 hours (because she wanted my nephew to play with my son). She refused my attempt for peace (I didn't apologize because she scolded me, but offered tea), making me repeat things to her twice and when I asked her directly if she's ignoring me (she had earphones on), she angrily said yes. She left without saying bye to me.

She was at our house for New year's and I let her and her son use our bed, so me and husband slept on the floor, I would think that at least that deserved her letting it go after scolding me.

Was I out of line to this point?

OP posts:
SunMoonandChocolate · 01/01/2026 20:22

Your sister needs to learn that if she continues to allow her son to act in this way, people will get fed up with him, and he will become a very unpopular little boy. I would point out to her that having a child means that you take on the role of preparing them for life as an adult, it starts from birth, which means teaching them which behaviours are acceptable, and which aren't. Taking the easy way out, ie, failing to reprimand when a child is doing something wrong, actually isn't the easy way at all, as long term it causes far more problems than correcting the child in the first place. OK, you may have to tell the child umpteen times to start with, but if you never follow through and make them do as they are told, you will end up making a rod for your own back, after all, how many times have you heard people say, 'Oh no, I don't get my kids to do chores, as by the time I've asked them and nagged them 15 times to do the washing up, it's just easier to do it myself'? Only it isn't, is it?

As you said, threatening something you're not prepared to carry out, gives out the wrong message to children, as the minute you fail to follow through, you have taught them that adults don't always mean what they say. So in view of his, and his mother's behaviour, it would be a LONG time before I would invite them again, if at all. Your sister was rude and childish in the extreme, and no way would I have given up my bed for someone who ignored me in my own home, I'd have told her that if she wants to sulk, then SHE can sleep on the floor, or go home.

Original poster
Anuta77 · 01/01/2026 20:26

SunMoonandChocolate · 01/01/2026 20:22

Your sister needs to learn that if she continues to allow her son to act in this way, people will get fed up with him, and he will become a very unpopular little boy. I would point out to her that having a child means that you take on the role of preparing them for life as an adult, it starts from birth, which means teaching them which behaviours are acceptable, and which aren't. Taking the easy way out, ie, failing to reprimand when a child is doing something wrong, actually isn't the easy way at all, as long term it causes far more problems than correcting the child in the first place. OK, you may have to tell the child umpteen times to start with, but if you never follow through and make them do as they are told, you will end up making a rod for your own back, after all, how many times have you heard people say, 'Oh no, I don't get my kids to do chores, as by the time I've asked them and nagged them 15 times to do the washing up, it's just easier to do it myself'? Only it isn't, is it?

As you said, threatening something you're not prepared to carry out, gives out the wrong message to children, as the minute you fail to follow through, you have taught them that adults don't always mean what they say. So in view of his, and his mother's behaviour, it would be a LONG time before I would invite them again, if at all. Your sister was rude and childish in the extreme, and no way would I have given up my bed for someone who ignored me in my own home, I'd have told her that if she wants to sulk, then SHE can sleep on the floor, or go home.

Thank you.
The bed situation was before, I guess she wouldn't have stayed sleeping in my house after this. But I'm thinking that if she doesn't like the idea that I won't invite them because of her son's behaviour, she makes sure that I won't invite them with her behaviour.

OP posts:
SunMoonandChocolate · 01/01/2026 20:53

Absolutely right OP, don't ever allow people to disrespect you in your own home!

Brefugee · 01/01/2026 21:06

Follow up with your sister that they are not welcome back until X date. Depends how often you see them.
So if they are over twice a month, i'd say 2 months until they get to come back, and if he misbehaves they have to leave immediately and it will be another month until you try again.

Point out to your sister that you have offered way more leeway than you are comfortable with, you are not there to be used and abused and she needs to parent her child properly.

Logisticalqueen · 01/01/2026 21:10

Your sister sounds exactly like mine!

Due to briefly mentioning, and I mean briefly mentioning as in 1 sentence (I said: his behaviour hasn’t been great tbh) about my sister’s youngest to her eldest (huge age gap), she ignored me for a WHOLE week in my own house, she sat in the garden and smoked and left everything to me (including feeding and entertaining her kid) and just wouldn’t speak to me at all. Unfortunately her flight couldn’t be brought forward.

Some people can’t parent their kids, especially where discipline is concerned, and have the audacity not to allow others to have a problem with their kids unacceptable behaviour. Rather than sort their kids behaviour out, they take their anger out on the person that brings it up - it reflects the problem away from the issue and themselves.

Your sister, like mine, needs parenting classes and to grow the hell up! I’ll not let mine holiday in my home for 2 weeks again that’s for sure.

YANBU. Let her grovel to you.

Hufflemuff · 01/01/2026 21:26

YANBU

Next time I'd tell her directly - "If youre going to ignore me, then please just leave my house right now. In the future, understand that your son might behave like this at home; but its not how we do things at my house."

NigellaAwesome · 01/01/2026 21:31

I would not have tolerated that in my house, and I don’t think you should ever again. Just say I think it’s time to leave. But I wouldn’t be inviting them back in a hurry.

Groberts · 02/01/2026 00:12

I don’t get what was so terrible? He made a mooing noise and wouldn’t wash his hands. I’ve had visitors empty bowls of food on their head and stab with forks. They did turn out to have ASD or ADHD in their teens though. I think threatening to never have him round again is a bit much. I see I’m in the minority here though. But you knew your dsis would be hurt by that if it has happened with friends before. It was a low blow. Some dc are much more difficult to manage.

BauhausOfEliott · 02/01/2026 01:06

Well, I think we now know where your sister’s son gets his behaviour from.

Your sister is massively overreacting and it was appalling of her to give you the silent treatment in your own bloody house!

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