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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dear cold water frog ladies...*

3 replies

Arlanymor · 01/01/2026 15:15

... in this past year I have seen so many posts from women who are normalising despicable behaviour from their partners. They are either tired from pushing back or they have just gone 'behaviour blind' from being subjected to total and utter abuse. I have lost count of the times when I have seen people write "This is not ok... is it?" Because they have lost trust in their judgment and their daily normal is so abnormal that everything they experience is skewed.

So in 2026, I'm appealing to the cold water frog ladies... please keep a track on the temperature of your relationship. Confront things that are not acceptable. Note when things go wrong and make a decision to act on it. Don't let yourself be slow-boiled into thinking that 'it's just how he is' or 'it's not that bad really' because the minute you start to make excuses for the awful way that someone else behaves, is the minute your standards slip and the rot creeps in.

I'm not saying it's easy and I am certainly not blaming anyone for the situation they are in - this is just about enlightenment and empowerment in 2026. And even though Mumsnet can be a tricky place at times, there is always a community of people here who will listen, help and give you the benefit of their experience - and give you the strength to make a change if you need to.

*And for men in these situations too of course.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/01/2026 15:17

Cold water frog? What does that mean? Never seen that before

Arlanymor · 01/01/2026 15:18

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/01/2026 15:17

Cold water frog? What does that mean? Never seen that before

It's from the boiling frog analogy as a metaphor for failing to notice or react to slow, gradual, negative changes until it's too late. Hence cold water because it's being alert to the potential before the temperature increases.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 01/01/2026 15:20

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/01/2026 15:17

Cold water frog? What does that mean? Never seen that before

If a frog is chucked in a pot of boiling water it will hop back out. If a frog is placed in cold water and the temperature is gradually raised until it’s at boiling point, the frog will stay and die.

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