To think it can still be bullying even if someone else did start the situation

[Whyohwhy88]

Dd gave an example from when she was at school. That a girl was laughing and mocking her with another person she then kicked the girl and verbally carried on this issue of course the girl did also reply but dd was very spiteful saying the girl had cheap clothes etc. personally I feel she was a bully really. She had been bullied throughout school so I assume maybe she just flipped.

Bullying no assault yes hurtful words are never an excuse for violence especially when the violent person is equally nasty with their own words

Support your poor daughter, it sounds like she had a tough time and snapped.

Well, it's what I would call peer retribution and to be honest (plate ready for arse to be placed on it) there is not enough of this nowadays.

Kids seem to rely on parents or teachers to sort out their issues nowadays. Sometimes adult intervention may be appropriate, but quite often a dose of their own behaviour in return might just do the trick. It generally did when I grew up in the 60s/70s. If you were unpleasant, nobody knocked on your door to ask you to play out.

I am sorry your daughter was treated badly by the other girl, and ideally she wouldn't have responded as she did, but it was a response that was provoked.

I'd have given her extra dessert that day

The thought of her being a bully wouldn't have entered my head

Being mean/nasty to someone and bullying someone aren't necessarily the same thing. Bullying is STOP - Several Times On Purpose.

It really does no favours when parents say their child is being bullied when it's a one off instance of nastiness (which still needs dealing with but isn't bullying).

Your dds example suggests the girl was frequently unkind, and that was bullying if it was Several Times On Purpose. Your dd reacted and was a one-off so not bullying, even if the reaction was subjectively more than the bullying.