Am I over reacting?

[MerryTealHare]

DD is in reception age 4, just before the holidays I was called to collect her as she had what school had said fallen and bumped her head. I went straight to school and by the time I got there (10 minutes) she was projectile vomiting everywhere. I immediately called the GP for advice on our drive home where I was advised she needs to be taken to A&E, I was told as out nearest hospital is a 40 minute drive that I was to call 999 and not attempt to drive her there myself. In between waiting for an ambulance she had them become really drowsey so I called back to advise but was told to let her sleep as long as I could wake her. A paramedic assessment person called back to video call us to check how DD was doing, while on this call she became unrousable, floppy and drip white with her hands and feet becoming freezing. We were then upgraded to a cat 1 and an ambulance came within 4 minutes. Which honestly was the longest 4 minutes of my life, I was fully aware how serious they thought this was due to cat 1 only being for life threatening emergencies. We were then blue lighted to Resus. Thankfully we were stood down from resus not long after arrival as she had started to come round. Had various different tests, head CT ect and they were confident there was no internal bleeding and was just a case of server concussion. Thankfully after 6 hours we were discharged and DD was back to normal as if nothing had happened.

The advice was if she vomited again in the next 2 weeks we had to immediately return to A&E and had to be careful not to have any further head trauma including no PE or physical sports.

Once DD was more coherent I had asked what had happened - as one of the things the hospital was concerned about was did she black out or go dizzy before the fall. Obviously this I didnt know as I was just told that she fell. It came to light that she was pushed over by someone else in her class.

I have an older daughter in the school year 4 who confirmed after speaking to some friends that this was infact the case and had given the same name as my younger child had said so I knew there was truth in what she was telling me.

I then went into school to advise the severity of what had happened and school had to fill in a report for the LA (I am guessing to cover their own backs)

I know the mum of the child who pushed my little girl over and she knows we ended up in hospital due to an 'accident' at school. I didn't want to tell her it was her child that put her in resus as didn't know if she knew from school ect. I also know that this parent would be absolutely mortified if she knew her child had done this and absolutely would have approached me to apologise (we know each other outside of school as out eldest have been friends since babies so 8 years) which makes me think her child hasnt been spoken to by school for what she has done or the parents haven't been spoken too.

I am angry at school for not even speaking with the parents, or ensuring that the child in question is aware that this was wrong. I know she is only 5 and kids are kids but feel a talk should have been had about the severity of the situation.

My DD was made to sit in for 2 weeks and miss all break times/PE lessons (which I know was to protect her) but it almost feels like a punishment for someone else not being kind.
She is also traumatised by the full event. We have had a sickness bug recently and shes been petrified of having to go back in an ambulance to the hospital again.

I want to email school to ask why this hasnt been dealt with properly but actually I don't know what I am really expecting them to do as I say the child that pushed my daughter is only 5 so probably not even aware of what she has done wrong.

I am just angry, sorry for the long winded post.

Slightly different to the point of your post, but I had a similar experience with the school when dd was in year 1. She didn't end up with concussion or anything nearly as bad as your dd, but I was told she fell and banged her head. Dd told me she was pushed, which the school tried to deny, eventually admitted it but claimed the girls were 'playfighting'. This was also untrue, the other girl was simply being mean and pushed my daughter over. I hate the fact that schools seem to lie about incidents like this when we need/deserve to know the truth. I understand confidentiality but they don't need to give names to other parents, but a parent deserves to know what happens to their child and the other child needs to know it's wrong. I'm not sure what's happened to the world where the blame is put on the innocent party and made out to be an accident when that's not the case. I can't trust the school now to tell me the truth about incidents where my dd ends up hurt.

Sorry to hear about your daughter, that must have been terrifying. I'm glad she's okay now.

I appreciate you're angry and scared and it's been a very difficult time but honestly the child in question is 5 and it could have just as easily have been your child who pushed her.

I think you need to focus on moving forward and accept that accidents happen, but that's what it was, an accident. The other parents knowing it was her child won't change anything and she will have already been talked to at school about her behaviour.

Sorry but unless it's an incredibly small school (where accidents are even more likely to happen) your daughter in year 4 is highly unlikely to know what happened. My kids school have slightly staggered lunches and separate playgrounds. Reception are completely isolated from the rest of the school so if there was an accident there there would be no way a year 4 child would have seen it. If you go to a small school with a handful per year group then maybe they are all out at the same time but that increases the risks surely of bigger children knocking over smaller ones.

Reception and KS1 can be quite lively in their play. Pushing can be normal in the game (I have seen children playing horses or mums and babies and dragging another child round willingly). Games like tag are also common and children can sometimes get carried away with the tag, and rather than gently tapping another child, it can be more of a shove.

I would not be expecting the school to speak with a 5 year old individually or blaming them. Maybe the school need a talk in general about play at break times but I don't think you can prove that this was a fight and another 5 year old was out to get your child.

I would focus on helping your daughter move forward. How much PE does your school actually do that she missed anyway? The last 2 weeks of school my class did none at all as the end of term was busy with nativity rehearsals and then the actual shows to parents. Likewise staying in at break a lot of our children enjoy - usually they choose a friend and get to play with toys that don't usually come out so it is fun.

I think you’re being a bit OTT here, and I fully understand why but in reality the child is a kid in her class. They’re 5, have no impulse control and absolutely no idea of potential consequences. It’s just one of those things where had she been pushed and fallen a different way she’d have been fine.

I’d raise with school that it’s important in these circumstances for the full information to be available to parents and health care workers. And I’m sure the child was told off for pushing, but they won’t have lectured the child about how them pushing someone sent them to the hospital because after the fact a small child really wouldn’t put the action and consequence together. Or have any idea how serious it can be going to the hospital.

Of course accidents happen when kids are playing, but to push someone over with such force that they are concussed needs addressing. Supposing, god forbid, it has been worse. The parents should be informed in case this becomes a pattern. And the child should also be spoken to in an age appropriate manner.

I would be more concerned that they had a child with a head injury projectile vomitting and they didn’t immediately call 999 themsleves.

There's nothing to suggest it was done with force or even maliciously. It's an unfortunate accident that could happen in any situation where children are playing. In 99 percent of occasions it would have probably have led to nothing more than a bruise or cut.

Years ago I ended up in A&E with one of mine in similar circumstances although far less severe. It was his best mate who had pushed him in play.

They're kids and they do stupid stuff. No amount of talking to them can make them understand the potential consequences of their actions because they're little. They don't understand life/death - most of them still believe in Santa and unicorns. No amount of talking to this little girl will change what happened or affect her behaviour (or that of your daughter). They will still be 5 will all the innocence, mischief and impulsivity that goes with it.

And school talking to her parents is also pointless. Nothing will be changed.

I'm really sorry for what you and your daughter have been through but there is no point in taking this forward.

Not necessarily
We had it happen within our family. The fall or push wasn't dramatic, just the landing was unlucky. Freak accidents happen

I think for me it would depend on the severity of the push but unless you are absolutely certain it was a completely vicious shove that a 5 year old should have known would cause significant injury then no i wouldn't be.

I don't think if it's a normal pushing/shoving incident, they should be told theyve hospitialised some one. Especially a 5 year old based on a sibling who wasnt there but got information from other 6 year olds

I think the time has passed to raise this specific issue with school, but I agree with PP that schools are far too keen to sweep this sort of thing under the carpet.

Id’d be asking for a copy of the safeguarding policy, as well as their protocols for when a child is injured by a classmate. Is it their practice to tell parents? If not, why not? Is the guilty child spoken to, or in any way made to understand that their behaviour is wrong? And yes - I would want to know why an ambulance hadn’t been called for a vomiting child who’d had a head injury.

They're 5 years old and not able to regulate emotions yet. Your DD probably did something that annoyed this girl so she shoved her.

It could have equally ended in just a bruised bum or no injury at all.

I'm sure the school at the time spoke to the child and told her that pushing is unkind.

My DD ended up with stitches in her head over something similar. There was no malicious intent.

Is the guilty child spoken to, or in any way made to understand that their behaviour is wrong?

This is batshit.
Primary school teachers deal with kids injuring one another every single day. Of course children are told it's wrong. Do you imagine they need to check the Safeguarding policy every time Tabitha pushes Teddy?

This. I would be asking the school why they failed to respond appropriately to a child projectile vomiting post head injury. I would also be asking to see their policy on this.

I think this is far more the issue. A five year old shouldn't be pushing another five year old over. But this kind of thing happens alot in schools and very, very rarely leads to a trip to A and E. Your child could have easily just ended up with a graze. But I'd inform the school what happened so they can look at their policy on head bumps and also talk to the kids about not pushing and how it could lead to someone getting seriously hurt.

it is a small school where all the year groups play out together, the older children regularly play with the small ones. At the time of it happening 2 of my older daughters friends were playing with my youngest as they do most days.

They are fortunate enough to have an external sports person go in once a week to teach them PE and then do an hour of yoga every week. I know this was happening right up until them breaking up.

I think maybe I'm more angry about how the school have handled the situation. The way the accident slip says running and fell over, or how when I went to pick her up it was clear to see she wasn't right they had told me she had been sat unable to lift her head off the table for 30 minutes before vomiting.

This is the biggest area of concern. If they tell a child off or not isn’t going to effect your child in the future but ensuring staff are appropriately trained and are proficient in first aid potentially will.

cat 1 life threatening emergency, could have died-yes the school needs to the deal with the child, 5 or not, they have to learn.

I agree with you OP. That must have been so scary. If they didn't see what happened, they should say they didn't see, but they should make some effort to find out. I'm guessing in the immediate aftermath they didn't realise how serious it was hence didn't find out properly but I don't see why you shouldn't speak to the school.