To not understand the big deal

[poisonivydaisy]

Often when I’m asked what I’m getting up to on the weekend (at work mostly towards the end of the week it’s a common question), people will always comment on the fact I say I’m going on a night out. I typically go on a night out most weekends so people are always saying “again?” and make comments on me having a night out every weekend.

AIBU to not see the big deal in me having a night out each week? It’s no one’s business surely?

are they in a different situation than you?
do you have children?
are you younger?

If you're in your 20s, no kids, perfectly normal. Older with kids, less so, but there's nothing wrong with it either way if you can afford it and are not neglecting anyone in the process.

I’m in my late 20s and don’t want any children

yes but the people who are asking you, do they have children?
i dont think there is a big deal, just lie

Yes they have children but honestly don’t see what difference it makes. Surely they can grasp the concept someone without children doesn’t have the same responsibilities

What they probably mean is that they'd be too tired and your lifestyle now is unreachable and probably not desirable for them. I make a joke of it with my much younger colleague who is in your position but I totally get why she's out every weekend.

Why do they need to understand you are doing what you want so what is there not to get just continue to do what you want like a mature adult would

I would think they just can’t imagine going out as they don’t get to. They’re possibly remembering when they could go out. That or yes they’re being judgy as lots are due to drink/ money, which is ridiculous of them

Do you come in on Mondays tired and hungover? Perhaps your colleagues have noticed it is affecting your work and are dropping hints.

@poisonivydaisy
Absolutely nothing wrong with a weekly night out.

When I was in my late teens / 20's I used to go out Thur (cheap drinks), Fri, Sat and Sun nights every week.

I wish I had the energy to do that now!

When my younger colleagues say they're going out I'm actually a little jealous, have a little bit of a longing for the days when I was carefree and could party without the massive hangovers I'd get now 😁

Enjoy your life, you only live once (YOLO 😂)

Anyone make a comment about you going again your reply should be
"Yep 😃"

Absolutely not

Perhaps they are making small talk and it doesn't actually mean anything, it's just the standard trope that is expected by social convention?

It’s no big deal OP. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going out every weekend, sounds great to me!
Some people just like moaning, ignore them! I’d be asking what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to do rather than implying you shouldn’t be going.

That sounds tedious. I would have to close that down by saying that I hadn’t made any plans yet every time they asked. It’s not as if they are genuinely interested.

It's probably envy or FOMO.
I wouldn't worry about it.

If they’re not saying anything overtly negative and just things like “again?” and “you do that every week!” then I think you’re maybe being a bit sensitive.
It’s office chit chat. They’ve asked about weekend plans, you say the same thing, so they comment on the frequency. If every weekend you went hiking they’d comment on the frequency of that, but you probably wouldn’t think it was judgemental.

I’d just keep the response vague and say you haven’t thought that far ahead. Then quiz them on their plans. By the time that conversation has finished, they surely would have lost interest.

The way some people's worlds seem to have permanently shrunk after the lockdown years maybe they do find it genuinely gobsmacking from their perspective. Good for you doing something you enjoy I say.

It’s just idle chat and standard responses

It's because many younger people of your age don't. I was having this conversation with friends this week, that the pubs are populated with people over 40 and younger people no longer go out and drink.
Nightclubs I know are struggling and last year it was reported that 365 pubs closed, partly because of the fact that people don't go out as much.

Apparently the younger generation dont seem to do the meet up, drinks round the pubs and then a club, they meet up at someone's house with a bag full of booze, drink it, then call a taxi around midnight and go clubbing. When I asked my son (a few years back when he was still at home) why this is now a thing, he told me that pub drinks are so expensive that they get pissed on supermarket booze then just have water or soft drinks at the club. It seemed a bit strange to me as one of the reasons why we used to go out to the pubs was to socialise and meet people, which you cant do if your sat glugging down cheap booze in your mates bedroom 🙄
Maybe im just getting old 😂

Well,just say that next time they ask then! No big deal

What is the tone of voice they are using?
I am old now and have fond memories of going out loads, but now I can’t imagine having the energy, so perhaps I’d respond with something like ‘again!’, but meaning that I’m happy for you whilst being just a little envious of your youth and energy!

I used to go out every weekend til mid 20s but then I got TIRED. Also we had lockdown and I realised I was actually happier not going out. I now have small children and I can’t think of anything worse than voluntarily sacrificing sleep or being hungover unless it’s for an event I’m really excited about.

I go to the theatre literally every weekend, that's what I do for fun. Mainly in the West End but also a couple of cities each about half an hour drive away.

People are often amazed. Some are clearly jealous, they say things like 'oh I really wanted to see that...' like it's my fault they didn't get round to it. Just ignore :D