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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

6 replies

Whymemama · 01/01/2026 06:47

What would you think?
Family days out with me and female in laws doesn’t happen! My name is the same as eldest niece so confusion easy! Days out with MIL Sister in law & SIL to be and eldest niece are common occurance.
Christmas Day visit to our house and gifts delivered by MIL &FIL. Gifts all opened together nothing mentioned.
2 days later I found an envelope in the bottom of my gift bag, my name on it (same name as eldest niece) mine and husbands gifts were the same, smellies, pjs and chocs.
Day after Boxing Day after spending 2 days apart with other members of family. MIL with BIL and his girlfriend and SIL for Christmas Day etc nothing said. I then find an envelope at the bottom of my gift bag from MIL. A very expensive invite to afternoon tea voucher with MIL name and mine (also name of eldest niece) I question why I would have such an expensive gift included and not my husband? He thinks it’s a lovely gesture and I’m being unreasonable, MIL name and mine not his, he thinks he can use it in her place if need be but it’s a very female gift! I suggest repeatedly it’s not for me or us it’s for his niece and that his mum has put it in the wrong gift bag, he thinks I’m being stupid it’s for me! I can’t understand why as the daughter in law I would be gifted such an expensive gift to go with his mum and not him but he can’t see that it’s clearly meant for his niece not us and there will be another voucher for his brother’s girlfriend and his sister that doesn’t include me which is the normal way invites go in the family. It’s now been brought up by him on New Year’s Eve and it’s just embarrassing! His mum wants to play along that way, says it’s for me and her and her daughter and the sister in law to be (I was right there is another voucher for sister and the sister in law to be) and she will let me know when it’s to be booked so I can come too… it’s clearly not meant for me it was meant for his niece and it’s so awkward now, what do I do? I want to believe what he thinks is the way but it’s so obvious it’s not and the gift was in the wrong bag, name confusion etc but MIL can’t now say she never intended it for me, it’s such a horrible situation, I don’t want to be a part of, if I could crawl under a stone and hide away until it goes away I would… but I’m here instead what do you all think? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
YouDriveMeCrazyButICanDoThatMyself · 01/01/2026 06:57

You’re overthinking.
MIL could have just said ‘ Sorry Whyme, that was meant for me and DGD!’ She chose to make out it was for you. Just go, have a nice afternoon tea and then forget about it. She will be more careful giving the gifts out next year.
If you desperately don’t want to go just be busy/on a new diet/develop an allergy/covid or whatever when they come to arrange the date.

Catza · 01/01/2026 10:20

You have everyone telling you the invite is for you, yet you decided that you know best even though you have zero evidence to support your thinking.
Is it worth all this angst, really? Just accept the gift and go have a nice afternoon with family. Or don't.

ShesTheAlbatross · 01/01/2026 10:24

How old is your niece? An afternoon tea doesn’t really sound like something you’d invite a child to

PopcornKitten · 01/01/2026 15:29

It seems strange that nothing was said about the afternoon tea when you originally opened the gifts. This is tricky as you feel that the invite isn’t for you but it could be. Could this have been the start of your invites to family occasions? Why haven’t you been invited before?

JLou08 · 01/01/2026 15:44

That's a lot of words to just say that your MIL gave you a gift and you think it was intended for someone else. The amount of words make me think you usually overthink things.
Just go for the afternoon tea and enjoy yourself.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 01/01/2026 15:52

JLou08 · 01/01/2026 15:44

That's a lot of words to just say that your MIL gave you a gift and you think it was intended for someone else. The amount of words make me think you usually overthink things.
Just go for the afternoon tea and enjoy yourself.

Thanks for the synopsis! Lots of words indeed!!

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