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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bully took strangers child's toy for his own child

13 replies

Perzival · 01/01/2026 02:15

Staying at a theme park hotel tonight. Me, dh, ds1 and ds2. Ds is at uni, ds2 is a late teen with severe autism.

There are not enough tables at the entertainment for the people there. We manage to get a nice table next to the singers and have two spare chairs. A woman asks if she can sit with her ds in the spare chairs- we say all ok. I get talking to her and she's there on her own with her child - just the two of them. Her ds is only little four or five.

The woman gets up to run after her ds leaving her things. A couple of men walk by with their kids and one of their children takes the womans kids toy. We intervene and ask for it back. The kid starts crying and the dad who was drunk calls dh a dick. I take the toy and say it isn't his. His wife/ gf arrives and tells the man to just buy the kid the same toy from the shop (it's a light up flashy spinny thing). The man gets more aggressive. The woman comes back and says thank you to us. The man carries on and she gives his child her son's toy to calm things down. She later sats she was intimidated.

The men then go to the bar and start an argument with the bar staff. Security are called and they're removed.

Management came over and asked if we were ok.

We celebrate new year and return to our hotel room. Ds1 says he thought we should have thought more and not said anything, he thought we could have been hurt if the men got really aggressive (they were big, young and rough).

I take his point aibu for taking the toy back? The bully man's child ended up with it anyway and ultimately the womanwas a stranger. I just felt responsible and ifwe let people take everything they want, where would that leave us.

OP posts:
X123x321X · 01/01/2026 02:19

You did a good thing.

UncannyFanny · 01/01/2026 02:20

You’re probably giving this a bit too much head space you know?

Perzival · 01/01/2026 02:23

I'm not sure taking a toy off someone elses child is a good thing to do. The kid did start crying but ultimately it wasn't his and the dad was just demanding it because he wanted it. The man got his way anyway in the end. I am glad they got removed though. 😁

OP posts:
meganorks · 01/01/2026 02:23

You were NBU. You did the right thing. But equally, I can see your child being sacred. You can try and talk to them about it being important to do the right thing. But unfortunately, sometimes that does reault in someone being hurt. Maybe you could try and talk to them about trying to judge a situation. Eg. If you had been somewhere on your own, you wouldnt have challenged them, but with lots of people around it felt safer. But if they ever feel scared or unsafe they shouldn't say anything.

Fibonacci2 · 01/01/2026 02:31

No, he needed to be called out. What was he going to do in a crowded area? What an arsehole, unfortunately there are people like this all over the country both rich and poor.

Genuinely, I have an autistic child and I teach a walk away principle, it’s not worth risking your life. Very important if they are ‘rule followers’. ‘I need to tell that man he has parked illegally’ etc… I say is it hurting you or someone around you? Then move along. This I would have lost my shit… how dare he!

I feel sorry for his wife who has to go everywhere apologising for his behaviour.

Goodadvice1980 · 01/01/2026 09:39

YANBU. I would’ve made sure the child got their toy back. Bullies are such pricks.

FrankSinatraonToast · 01/01/2026 09:59

UncannyFanny · 01/01/2026 02:20

You’re probably giving this a bit too much head space you know?

You really need to think before replying and belittling an event that has clearly unsettled the OP, you know?

tothewindow25 · 01/01/2026 10:19

Tough one.

I agree you did a good thing.

But equally, I probably wouldn’t want my son to get involved in something like that in case he got hurt. So I can see where he is coming from.

JMSA · 01/01/2026 10:33

You did the right thing, for sure.

purpleme12 · 01/01/2026 10:48

No I would have done the same thing

But I think it's ridiculous that the woman just gave the thing away anyway and I would never have done that

Perzival · 01/01/2026 15:52

purpleme12 · 01/01/2026 10:48

No I would have done the same thing

But I think it's ridiculous that the woman just gave the thing away anyway and I would never have done that

I said exactly the same but dh said she was probably worried they would reteliate and with her being on her own it wasn't worth the riak to her.

OP posts:
NextItsBooty · 01/01/2026 16:04

I would have done the same as you. Absolutely. And I can understand why the woman descalated the situation by giving the toy away.

Yes, you put yourself in a small amount of danger but ultimately you judged the situation correctly because he didn't do anything to you.

Wordsmithery · 01/01/2026 16:14

You did the right thing.
I get very annoyed when bullies win, as they did here. I just hope karma really is a bitch.

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