To NOT want to move forward from this?

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I'll apologise in advance for any drip feeds, but the entire story would be a novel, which no one has time for.

I've fallen out with my youngest sister to the point where I no longer wish to be in the same room as her and will avoid family gatherings to stay out of her way.

There is a long backstory of drama, fallings out, and bullying but the final straw came at a drunken family party when she hinted that my late DH fancied her and wanted to have sex with her while he was still with me, and that she was a better/equal mother to my eldest than I was because I had PND when she was born.

She kept telling DD that DD used to call her mam, and she was her "real mam".

Her defense is that DD used to call her mam. I don't remember this, but she did call my ex-BIL dad until I met DH, so it could be true.

She also told me my first long-term BF tried to have sex with her, and my former best friend called her for a night out when I had PND because he didn't want to see or deal with me because of my depression.

It happened a few months ago, and I've been happy with my decision to never see her again until tonight, when the entire family, including my youngest child, has chosen to be with her, knowing I will be alone.

What she said really impacted my MH and triggered another bout of depression, but now I am wondering if I am the problem since they've all chosen her over me.

AIBU to stick to my guns and stay out of her way?

Absolutely. But it will mean avoiding family get togethers. You will have to put together your own traditions and parties now - you can make sure are better than the ones your sister is at though.

Firstly, well done you for deciding to cut someone out who is clearly going out of their way to make you feel shit. There's a big difference saying that your child used to call her Mam (if it's factually correct) but trying to convince you that your ex's and Partner want her instead is just nasty.

However, please don't see this as betrayal by your young DD, she might just be choosing party time with other family members, and a social occasion, over staying at home if you've decided not to go. It's not her picking your knobhead sister over you, it's her picking family time over staying home with just one person.

I really feel for you. It's one thing being betrayed by a friend, but to be so badly treated by your sister, well that's unforgivable. It affects all family get togethers, special occasions, and relationships with other family members. I'm an only child and can't imagine a sibling being so nasty and vindictive. Hold your head up high and don't come down to her level with comebacks, you are the better person. All the best for 2026 💐

Yes, that's my thoughts on the matter. It's one thing to tell DD "oh, remember when you used to call me mam?" and another thing to make out like she was somehow better at being me than I was, iyswim?

I had taken that stance with DD and have not said anything to her about her choosing to be with family over me nor will I, but it does hurt. I understand it, but it hurts.

I don't for a second believe that DH wanted her. We used to fight about her because he would call her spoiled, needy, and immature, and I'd defend her, but IDK if what she said about my first boyfriend is true. It could be, but he always treated her like a little sister, so I would be surprised (and disgusted) if it was, but even if it was all true, why tell me when DH is dead and I haven't seen my first bf in over 2 decades if not just to hurt me?

She sounds a right nasty piece of work. I hope you have friends who are nice to you, loyal, trustworthy and genuine. Don't torture yourself going over your sister's claims in your head. Be happy 🤗

Stick to your guns and stay out of her way. She's utterly vile.

She really is toxic.
Stay away from her.
It will be much better for your mental health if you do.

It’s difficult with sisters. I know to take some of the things my sister says with a pinch of salt, but it took me a very long time to get that far, I used to believe everything she said at face value and just reacted to it - it’s hard to recognise that process. But the idea is to stop ruminating and wondering about what she said. She might have believed it at the time, or she might purely be doing it to get a rise out of you. Either way, it doesn’t change your own experiences. Find something else to think about.

I guess that the other people don’t want to take sides

I'm sorry OP, what your sister has said to you is cruel and unnecessary. I suspect that her competitiveness comes from a place of insecurity and jealousy - truly happy and secure people don't need to put others down and hurt them to feel good about themselves. You are the better person so hold on to that.

I know you're hurt that your daughter has chosen to go to the get together but I doubt she's intended to hurt you. She probably feels that the falling out between you and your sister is nothing to do with her and she still wants to see her wider family. Let it go and concentrate on having fun with her when you are together. Don't dwell on the difficult relationship with your sister. You are perfectly entitled to limit contact with her for your own wellbeing. Don't let it ruin your relationship with your daughter or other family members.

Sounds like my sister she decided when I was 36 weeks pregnant to hint something "may" have happened between her and the baby's father she then admitted nothing had happened "but it could have" i was cross (i got a bit short tempered at the end of my pregnancy) and told her that she should have mentioned that before I was pregnant she then "reassured" me she was "never interested in him like that" seriously why say anything unless your trying to cause an argument or distress

Everything is a competition you're not parenting your autistic child right i practically helped raise my friend's autistic child (I wonder if his parents know) and what I DO is xyz ive started saying "that's nice" when she goes off on one of her rants dont get me wrong if it was useful I would try it but its mostly not she's the sort of person to tell you to push a button while your clearly pressing said button then if it works she takes credit and if it doesn't you clearly didn't press it "correctly"

ALL my partners have been lusting after her apparently but she wont give in to temptation but she could if she WANTED too this isn't how my ex partners tell it and none of them are friends they maintain she made passes at them

I actually stay single in part so I dont deal with her dramatics

I can only assume that because she is your sister you put up with whatever rubbish she throws at you. I don't have siblings so I just don't get it. If a so called friend treated me that way, I'd completely cut myself off from them, I wouldn't put myself through it. It must be heartbreaking for your parents to have their girls fighting, life's too short 😐

I doubt he did want her. But if so many men really did, low hanging fruit and all of that...!

Well done for not tolerating her shitty behaviour!

Just because someome says something doesn't make it true it doesn't sound like there is any brain cells there, just move on and leave her to it

I think your family are all following the path of least resistance

I really feel for you OP. I know exactly what that feels like and I dont understand the lack of loyalty at all. Your feelings shouldn't be deemed as less than anyone else's. Its never made sense to me and I dont think it ever will. I've tried loads of times to feel stronger about it but there's no use, its a toxic situation xx

You sister sounds like an absolute cow
But she's got what she wanted now ,she's got you out of the house and alone on new years eve.
She's a drama queen ,best ignored ,don't start cutting your entire family of because she would love that
Personally I'd of gone with DD last night ,joined in the fun and made it very clear nothing she could say would hurt me .
Taking this stance of not being in the same room as her ,is making people have to choose who they spend time with ,and that never turns out how you think it will.
I know from personal experience, sometimes people who you think should have your back ,don't ,they don't care enough,or don't want to get involved in any drama
Draw aline under last night ,make out you had a great time doing beauty treatments or whatever
And move forward as normal,and just treat your sister with amusement ,like the silly child she is behaving like .
By cutting her of ,you are making family choose , putting family in difficult situations and it will be more family occasions where you are on your own and she is in the centre of attention.
Best revenge is to show you don't care ,that her words don't hurt you ,that she can't hurt you .
Best of luck

Does your sister have her own family now or is she still trying to steal yours?

She sounds desperate and bitter so is making claims that can't be verified because your DH has died.

She’s just doing it to hurt you, the longer she doesn’t get a reaction out of you, or the opportunity to hurt you the more likely she will be to turn on someone else. The likelihood is that she’s deeply insecure and jealous of you. I’m presuming she’s a younger sister, and has probably always been jealous of you, which is why she makes up stories about your past bf and dh because she can’t be proved wrong

I can imagine how hurt you must be about your dd, but as a pp said, she’s just chosen a party, she hasn’t chosen your sister over you. Just stay consistent with your dd and she knows your her safe space.

You don’t say how old your daughter is, but unless she is very young she will soon start seeing your sister for what she is. And perhaps it is better for her to observe it for herself and come to her own conclusions rather than being kept away from her and being curious. Just encourage her to ask you about anything she hears that causes her any concern.