How to manage the all-consuming dread of going back to work?

[Wellyboot50]

I work in a full-on job that pretty well takes over my life, but have actually switched off since we finished just before Christmas. But when we reopen next week I have a major audit and I know that I haven’t achieved what I should have done. I’m spinning way too many plates to make the difference that I need to. I won’t be in trouble, but knowing that I can’t say that I’ve achieved what I should have done makes me feel useless and ineffective. I’ve already had two sleepless nights about this audit, and feel so down that I now need to use what remains of my holiday to be writing pointless paperwork. And even when I’m not actually in work completing forms (when no-one else is in there), I’ll be stewing over it.

Can anyone give me any tips to get this back in perspective? And yes, I am looking for a new job where not so much is on just my shoulders, but I’m the main earner in the family and what I do is quite specialised so it’s not that easy. Please be kind and thanks in advance to anyone who is good at maintaining a perspective on things and can share how to do it!

It’s not public sector is it? Tell one of your managers (pick one that can grasp what you’re saying without being defensive and ineffectual) that workload overwhelm is pushing you out.

If that’s a no go, it’s new job and organisation time. I feel a million times lighter since I made the change earlier this year.

Life is too short for “the dread”.

How did you guess it’s public sector??!! Yes, I’ve been having to cover two roles for the past six years due to budgets. The time I take doing the operational things that I ought to be able to delegate (but have no-one to delegate to) mean that I can’t do the strategic part of my job, or I don’t have the headspace to as it will involve conflict quite often and I’m at saturation point. It’s known by everyone involved that I’ve got too much on and am at breaking point, but there’s no money to get in support. Plus I have a huge sense of loyalty to where I work so keep struggling on. But even if I moved to a different organisation, it will be very similar challenges.

Just sounds like you’re not a good fit for the role or that the role isn’t a good fit for you.

personally if I was doing two jobs at once, I’d have applied for promotions and made a spin that I was trusted to take on extra responsibilities to show my seniority as opposed to being overworked. Ie put an exit strategy in place. I wouldn’t have stayed there for 6 years moaning about it on MN.

What would happen if you acted like you were physically there but mentally not? Stop caring? Will they fire you? Unlikely.

Horribly familiar story to the job I left. No time for adding value, as all capacity is swallowed up just covering the basics with the old tech and clunky manual processes. A few good people keeping the whole thing afloat, while so many coast for the pension but never get performance-managed as it’s just not a thing in the public sector. So much emotional guilt attached to the role that you feel almost trauma bonded to the struggle.

I changed to a third sector hybrid organisation. I had to choose me, as no one else there was going to support me. The original place will always exist, and I doubt the culture will ever change as it will always have guaranteed funding.

You're conducting an audit, or someone's coming in to audit you? I'm guessing the latter, in which case it's someone coming in to see what's happening and make recommendations (not judgements). If they see that you're overloaded and can't achieve what you're meant to be achieving, it's just more of what you already know, and more ammunition next time you tell your managers that they're not giving you the support you need to succeed.

Here for solidarity OP. I woke up with my baby at 0330 this morning & couldn’t get back to sleep after with back to work anxiety/dread, you’re not alone.