To feel uncomfortable telling half-sibling about parents assets?

[singhast]

My dad is terminally ill, but will hopefully be with us for at least another year.

I have several half-siblings that my dad had from his first marriage. We are not super close and see each other a few times a year as we live in different countries. My dad is still with his second wife, my mum. Half-siblings dislike my dmum.

My half-brother is planning to visit my dad to help out with his treatment and help with odd jobs around the house. I received a few texts from half-brother asking in detail about my parents assets, whether there are mortgages, whether they still own X property. It’s not a mega fortune by any stretch but my parents comfortably retired in their early 50s.

It almost feels like half-brother is trying to speak to my dad about his will to make sure he gets a chunky inheritance. He even asked me if I knew whether the will had been updated or not.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable telling my half-siblings about my parents assets? My mum’s finances are not really their business, but then again everything they own is joint.

I would tell him you don't know. End of. Because, even if you do know or think you know the situation today that could change overnight.

People so often talk about 'the Will' but forget that a Will can be changed within hours.

Don't get drawn in would be my advice.

You have no idea of the circumstances

It may be that the PP's father was in agreement, and - if the kids by his first marriage had other inheritance from their mother or an earlier windfall of his - it may be a perfectly fair decision.

I would say that you dont know - which I think is perfectly reasonable- I have no idea about my parents mortgage arrangements.

I would have a separate conversation with your mum, saying that the question has been asked, and that whilst you are unsure as to the motivations is she sure she is properly provided for when the sad day arrives. She should also support her husband and make sure he isn't pressured into any last minute changes or revisions that would harm her.

Possible but let’s be honest - highly unlikely. Why would the poster feel awkward if that was the case?

Not for you to say but it is a concern in second + marriages. One thing your father must do is have a proper will written by an experienced will writer used to complex families so he can ensure his family (including your half siblings ) are treated fairly. What you mustn’t have is ambiguity

We have it set up that our dc (no joint dc) receive the maximum allowed without inheritance tax and the remainder to each other currently, this will be altered down the time as assets start to dwindle. The house is tenants in common anyway. We are in that sweet spot at the moment where there is a lot in sipps and isas but hopefully the dc won’t be inheriting any time soon so if you are reading kids … we will have spent most of it hopefully!!!

I actually think it is in the best interest of the OP to share the info.

What if her dad has left half his assets to the mum and the other half to be split equally amongst the children from his first marriage? This would have HUGE ramifications on the OP and her mum unless a clause in the Will stipulates that no money is to be paid out until the death of the mother.

When there are two families involved, it is quite normal to include children from a first marriage into the Will, especially when they dislike the new wife!! It is imperative to make it very clear when the money gets paid.

It can get VERY complicated so best to have these conversations out in the open so everyone knows where they stand.

This is a tough one, but your father is still alive so presumably he can sort all of that out.

Am I missing something here? It’s his father. He has as much right to know about his affairs as you have. And if he doesn’t have any right, then presumably neither do you.

He can ask his dad.
He can pay the land registry to access public info on properties

Are there and LPOA or is there a will that you are aware of?

He needs to speak to his father, maybe he needs to know if there is anything he needs to do, it could be completely innocent, he may presume he is executor or will play a bigger role in your fathers passing. He needs to speak to dad, and his step mum together.

This

Isn’t the important factor for tax the total value of the estate rather than the amount a particular individual is set to inherit? I may be wrong but I thought so.

Any jointly owned assets will go to the surviving spouse.

If the house is held as Tenants in Common , or bank accounts/savings investments are in just Dad's name, then OP's Dad can will his share to whomever he likes.

He is thinking that as they are married everything passes to your mum, that means unless your dad has created a will with your mum that stipulates they should receive something you get it all.

that is something your dad has to decide, do you know if your mum’s parents have addressed this?

as he is terminally ill he must be thinking about his affairs and your mums security. If you feel comfortable doing this gently tell your dad you’re concerned about your mum being accused of being dishonest or you taking what should be theirs. He should tell his kids what his intentions are so they don’t contest anything.

once he is gone it will turn into a complete shit show and only he can stop it by clearly stating in writing what he wants and telling them it’s his decision.

my partner has just been through it. His grandmother left her 3 kids a 3rd each and the grandkids £5k each… the son died decades ago and so his children split his share, one son was left out… no longer speaks to us.

one daughter stopped working 10 years ago to look after her mother. She lived in a house which her mum owned, paid herself a wage each month and turns out she lived off £300k of savings.

she did a great job but after the funeral and all the hugs and promises to see more of each other she pulled out a letter saying her mum wanted her to get the house and all money!

Basically my partner who lives month to month and hasn’t had the best life was being told he should give up )35k and was making her homeless. The change in people’s personalities was unbelievable and went from embracing one day to ignoring each other in the street.

he’s coming over to have a dig about, he will convince himself that your mum has pulled a fast one and your dad would have given him something but she did something.

he should share his will/wishes to save your mum getting some unpleasant years and a lot of stress after losing her husband.

my mum and step dad have 2 kids each. My step dad is 13 years younger. When my mum dies he stays in that house and my brother and I get half of its value when he passes… if he meets a woman and moves her in he has to pay us for half the house. Same the other way. They told me when I was 17. Recently they made amendments due to my children being severely autistic as it could affect them if they have assisted living in the future. We agreed on the best way to help them and all is well.

speak to your dad quickly it’s inevitable if he’s terminal and your trying to stop world war 3

It’s totally up to the dad to take into his children and tell them if and how he has made provisions for them.

money in the bank is hers, she may have to live off that and kids are not legally owed anything.

he can create a will that forces the house to be split between all children once she dies but it’s her right to live there.

he must know if he remains silent on the issue she will leave everything to her daughter, it’s not a sudden thing. My friends dad died suddenly in his 30’s no will… 4 kids 3 mums. His life insurance went to the current wife and she paid d the mortgage off and built on their land in wales. 20 years later it’s worth a shit load and the sibling have reconnected all soft and squidgy reunion with a better connection to their dads memory.

but when the the wife died es it all physically es to 1 child… the last one 🫣🫣🫣 what has to end when she has nearly a million and the mother ther 3 are struggling to get a holiday every couple of years. Wait for the fireworks

To be honest he could put everything in trust for the local animal sanctuary… or to buy a giant sign to be erected in a piece of land saying ‘ha ha screw you’ ( if you could get the appointee to agree to carry it out) 🤣🤣🤣 end of the day it’s hers unless he states otherwise, he knows he’s going to pass on the near future so he either writes it down and makes it legal or he says she’s my wife it’s hers I owe them nothing.

She is not stealing anything it was never theirs, unless he’s changed it while mentally impaired… the solicitor covers that side and he can stop any drama but telling his kids it’s his decision.

It’s not her business to share! Neither have any right to the information, she probably knows because mother and daughters who are close talk about things like this, repeating it is a no no. Why do kids think it’s theirs

So funny the way in mumsnet parents in intact families are given wide latitude in handling “their” money and posters sho inquire about inheritance are scolded as gredy. but as soon as there are second families involved there is this strong notion that the first children are “owed” a specific portion and the children of the first family are seen as engaged in a righteous pursuit of what they are owed.

I would not feel comfortable in telling him, and you don’t have to tell him anything. If your parents own everything jointly then I guess everything will go to your mother until she passes . But your father should stipulate in his will that after your mother passes, his share of the estate should be split between his children . He should be able to discuss this with all his children. Unless of course bad blood is involved somewhere .

I find it shocking that dc from a previous relationship/marriage lose out in England. Where my family is from you can’t really do it.