To cancel soft play date ?

[lalalalalala2024]

My 5 year old has refused to go sleep for 3 hours ( and counting ). Her dad has work in the morning and is meant to be up at 7 but we are both wide awake because of the tantrums.

I have tried to reason with her but she’s not listening. She has just come in my room and said sorry but Is still refusing to go sleep.

We are due to meet my friend with her 2 boys tomorrow for a soft play date, they have a mini disco on and games but she really doesn’t deserve to go however I don’t think it’s fair for my friend to lose out on money or her boys to miss out because of my daughter. My friend wouldn’t normally go this soft play as it’s closer to me and we are 10miles apart.

If I were to cancel I would pay but I still have their Christmas presents to give also.

Wibu to cancel on my friend ? I’m in two minds what to do. Currently lying on her bedroom floor thinking about my life choices 😅

Go. It will be a long day of parenting if you stay at home

She will never connect the cancellation of the playdate with her not being able to sleep. Even if she does, it's not really something she can help. Cancelling would be cruel in my opinion and you will be cutting off your nose to spite your face. Do you want to teach your child that it's ok to be spiteful?

When a child won't go to sleep it is the most frustrating thing in the world so I don't blame you for feeling really angry. But when this happens to us, we often find he has a growth spurt or illness coming on. It's just an anomaly, and she won't be able to explain it any more than you can. She isn't doing it to be obstinate and to piss you off. Cut her some slack. Next time you can't sleep and you don't know why, imagine being 5 and not in control of your own environment, and not able to explain how you feel, then imagine being punished the next day for it.

This is what I’m thinking, I’m also 27 weeks pregnant. She has finally snoozed, going to wait 5 minutes and jump back into my bed.

You are being cruel. She cannot help this and trying to reason with a distressed child is pointless. Being tired and sleepless is just what parents have to do sometimes. You don’t then take a spiteful action against a child as payback.

If you have a small child who gets overexcited about upcoming events, don't tell them in advance.
One of mine used to get migraines in advance of treats and events. It was overexcitement and as soon as the penny dropped and they weren't told ahead of time, the migraines stopped.

Don’t cancel because of this. It’s frustrating but she’s 5 and couldn’t sleep, that’s not her fault. My 5 year old has issues sleeping and we never punish for this.

Not being able to sleep is a horrible feeling, I wouldn’t punish her for this. You’re going to have a long shit day otherwise, go!!!

Second post as this OP has infuriated me. She’s a tired distressed child not your enemy. I hope this is not your normal parenting approach to events which are totally normal and common place and dealt with by most parents with compassion. Your pregnancy and tiredness are not her problem. Poor little thing even felt forced to say sorry she can’t sleep!

Exactly my thought

What did you do to help her get back to sleep? Maybe we can offer some practical advice for next time?

Imagine being unable to sleep one night and your husband saying you can’t go out for lunch the next day as planned as punishment! But then imagine you’re a small child with an undeveloped brain and how that would feel - very confusing and unfair. Please don’t be so cruel to your child.

At that age if any consequences are required they need to be immediate and connected. Hope you can get some sleep. Can you engineer a brief time for a nap - longer than necessary car journey or so?

Agree with others, not being able to sleep is not bad behavior that needs punishment. It would just be because you are annoyed at her, but it won't help "teach" her anything.

I used to use the words refusing to go to sleep but was reminded by a friend that we all use the words ‘can’t sleep’ when it comes to ourselves!! Hope you both have a better day than you think and she’s worn out enough that she gets a good sleep after it!!

Sometimes ds wakes early/can’t sleep. You can’t force a person to sleep they either sleep or they don’t! What we do is insist he stays in his room, he can have his lamp on and read in bed if he chooses. He usually ends up dropping off again.

Your making it sound like it’s a choice.

Not being able to sleep is horrible, being punished for it isn’t going to help anyone!

She can't make herself sleep, have you ever managed to force it yourself?
Now if she is eg, taking herself out the room and messing about with toys/TV or something then maybe. But if she is just struggling to switch off that isn't a punishable thing imo.
And even if it was, I don't think that is an appropriate way to do it.

You cannot "refuse" to go to sleep. (Well, you can use the words for refusing, but you cannot actually not go to sleep by an effort of will.) If she was not asleep, she was not able to sleep. I would not punish someone for being unable to sleep. If you had framed it differently and given a clear instruction that she must stay in bed, not necessarily asleep, then some kind of consequence would not be absurd, although it should probably be smaller and more immediate than cancelling a major treat, which would also punish the other children involved.

Oh bless!
5 is such a hard time, first year of school ? Christmas is overwhelming too.
does she suffer with night terrors?
Soft play will help to get rid of that energy and reset for the day, hopefully you managed to get there!
I do feel for you it’s hard when you are pregnant.