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Original poster

Older members of the family being rude again

12 replies

Charlotte350 · 30/12/2025 22:46

Went to a family gathering the other day the same member of husbands family (FIL older sister in seventies) doesn't mean any harm by her honest I don't think or would like to think that, but I do think she comes across ABIT too honest and rude in the past she told my mil law that I looked pale and that I put abit of weight on when we went up to visit her (I was a size 12) wasn't nice of mil to go out of her way to tell me but she did... Anyway the other day she went out of her way to tell me how awful and tired she mentioned it twice first when I arrived and when she was leaving...later on when she was leaving me and SIL were sat together and when she was doing her rounds saying bye to everyone she went up to my sil and said you look lovely today and put her hand on my shoulder and said "and you don't look lovely, you look very tired" while she was smiling thinking she was being funny or witty but I was tired as I had mentioned I didn't get much sleep and DS woke up me up several times in the night however I still got ready and put my makeup on and got my self dressed up smart all the same but I said to my DH on way home I feel like crap most of the time but for someone to say it is just rude tbh the next time I feel like not bothering going just to sit and smile with people I don't particularly like that much.

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 30/12/2025 23:00

The old Mumsnet head tilt, tinkly laugh, and "did you mean to be so rude?".

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 23:02

"And you look awful too. Never mind, eh?"

Goditsmemargaret · 30/12/2025 23:03

"that's not very nice" and nothing else. You don't need to play along.

Plankton89 · 30/12/2025 23:04

“I am tired. Your breath stinks by the way… tonsils stones I think. Are you quite well?”

Clockyclockz · 30/12/2025 23:06

Just be rude back, honestly don’t tiptoe around it.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 30/12/2025 23:06

I know, Auntie Lil, and you look very, VERY old, but hey ho, thats life, innit?

Older people say daft things. Shrug it off and resolve not to be the next generation of older person saying daft things in your family. Be the change you wish to see, and all that jazz.

dottymac · 30/12/2025 23:11

One Christmas, my husband's gran told his mum I was fat and needed to lose weight. That was regailed to my husband who thought it would be amusing to announce this to all my family during Christmas dinner that year. People can be so rude and hurtful. That gran is dead now. And I spend minimum time with judgemental/inconsiderate people who should keep their malicious mouths shut. You should try it, it's very freeing.

AmyDudley · 30/12/2025 23:25

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 30/12/2025 23:06

I know, Auntie Lil, and you look very, VERY old, but hey ho, thats life, innit?

Older people say daft things. Shrug it off and resolve not to be the next generation of older person saying daft things in your family. Be the change you wish to see, and all that jazz.

No, nasty people say nasty things, young nasties and old nasties. It's the nastiness not the age that is the problem.

HeddaGarbled · 30/12/2025 23:32

Maybe she was being sympathetic. My SIL told my H I looked tired when we met up just before Christmas and what she was actually saying was “Are you pulling your weight because your wife looks exhausted?”

Arlanymor · 30/12/2025 23:35

dottymac · 30/12/2025 23:11

One Christmas, my husband's gran told his mum I was fat and needed to lose weight. That was regailed to my husband who thought it would be amusing to announce this to all my family during Christmas dinner that year. People can be so rude and hurtful. That gran is dead now. And I spend minimum time with judgemental/inconsiderate people who should keep their malicious mouths shut. You should try it, it's very freeing.

How much time do you spend with your husband who shared it far and wide? That's so awful.

MO0N · 30/12/2025 23:43

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 23:02

"And you look awful too. Never mind, eh?"

This, serve it straight back to them!

dottymac · 30/12/2025 23:43

Arlanymor · 30/12/2025 23:35

How much time do you spend with your husband who shared it far and wide? That's so awful.

Show quote history

He is tactless at times and sometimes puts his foot in his mouth but isn't trying to be mean. I've had a really rough few years and am definitely sensitive (aren't most of us about our weight 🤔) I guess I was very taken aback that in-laws I rarely saw thought it appropriate to discuss me, when I've been nothing but kind and generous. My point is that in recent years I've been trying to stand up for myself a bit more, even though it doesn't come naturally. We all have our hills to climb.

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