AIBU? Cancer & Baby, I’m anxious

[mumstheword1x]

My little boy had croup / chest infection 6 weeks ago, that he caught from his elder sister.

then from the 19th December onwards, he had a low grade fever that was on and off, up to 38.0 - but he was chomping on his fingers and had acidic poops.. so we assumed - teething.

anyway, today it went to 39.4 and his hands were blue, so we rushed him to A&E. We explained everything and they listened to chest, looked in ears, looked at throat and explained it’s an upper respiratory infection and they want to give him amoxicillin. Fine.

my husband has health anxiety and he has been going on about what if it’s leukemia , and they’ve missed something… and now, well he’s made me worried even though I wasn’t before.

• he is eating perfectly fine
• no bruises or rashes that I’ve noticed
• not overly pale

• no night sweats

its hard to be the logical parent sometimes when someone with health anxiety is so convinced.

I guess I’m looking for 3 things out of this;

• AIBU being dragged into his thoughts? - tell me please
• has anyone else’s little one had a few child hood illnesses in clusters before and it be nothing?
• any experience? / advice.

thanks

( my husband is seeing help, he’s just gone through something very traumatic so i understand ) xxx

I'm struggling to understand why he thinks it's leukemia. There's nothing to suggest it is. He's had a temp, but is otherwise fine. Hope you're able to relax again soon x

His reasoning is ‘regular fevers’

Regular temperatures because it's the body's way of fighting a bacterial or viral infection. Temperatures are a healthy sign, the immune system is doing exactly what it should be.

Also blueish cold extremities are perfectly normal when a temperature is high. The body is maintaining the well being of the vital organs so everything is diverted there as a priority which leads to hands and feet being cold.

I'm sure your wee one will be back to normal in no time.

It needs to be over 38C to count as a fever, and like you say he was teething. Plus, it's winter and kids are absolute germ vectors. Mine have a fever at least once every 2-3 weeks at the moment. He's adding a lot of stress that doesn't need to be there.

You’re focussed on the wrong thing

it doesn’t matter about children with temperatures etc etc - the case in hand here is your husband and his mental health issues

you say he’s seeking help. Keep the focus on that and off your child

OP, kindly kids are ill for most of the winter especially if they have older siblings bring viral infections home from school. It's all part of natural development of their immune system.

Your DH needs a serious talking to over this, he can't put thoughts like this into your head. It's cruel. Whatever he's been through, there's no excuse for it.

God, that has to be hard to have someone constantly in your ear, fearing the worst and amplifying any tiny fears.
I think we someone we love is sick, its natural to think worst case scenario and then we pull ourselves back and be logical. But in your case its harder because you have someone else who isn't being logical.

For your child, you know what to do, monitor and keep an eye.

For yourself, can you also get some help in how to protect yourself from your DH's health anxiety?

OP my two have been non stop since mid November - took my eldest to the GP today for a never ending cough, and despite the fact it sounds hideous and she has had temperatures, her chest is totally clear and it's all upper. She has had back to back viruses by the sounds of it.

Unfortunately, it's this time of year and they haven't encountered a lot of the viruses before so it does seem constant over the winter (we were even lucky enough to get a stomach bug and covid over the summer!) - just the way it is with young children.

Please try not to worry, it's common and the chances of it being viral is the much much more likely explanation than any cancer.

He might be hosting an alien being which is biding its time. But I'd go with what the doctors say.

My husband also has severe health anxiety and this is something I really struggle not to get dragged into. It’s incredibly hard. Is your husband getting help for his health anxiety? I get to a stage where I worry because I actually downplay everything health related to the point something might be missed but just to stop him spiralling- no advice but I just wanted to say I get how difficult it is x

Your DH (and you if you are getting sucked in) badly need to deal with his out of control health anxiety. Jumping to leukaemia is completely crazy from what was a standard respiratory infection (babies/young kids basically have constant respiratory infections for 9 months of the year).

Thank you all, his temp has spike at 40.1 and he’s throwing up calpol and nurofen, 111 says doctor will call within 2 hours.

husband is freaking out and I’m struggling to manage it, so I’ve sent him to bed. He has amplified my logical fears into anxiety fears and it’s just not far. As for his anxiety, he is seeking help, his PTSD has only recently happened from a recent health issue / accident - so I know it’s early days.

How's your little boy doing now, OP?