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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When one door closes ....

8 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/12/2025 10:43

DD is a single mum to three ND children. (The youngest who is 5 years has epilepsy - it happens most nights. )

She mentioned at drop off recently (I do school runs when she's working) that there was a strong earthquake and it had shaken her body clear above/up and down the bed - it was so strong. I told her she was dreaming and she'd insisted she'd been wide awake.

Since then there have been two more episodes which she's recognised as similar to her son's seizures.

She had an urgent appointment with GP yesterday and he said she must surrender her driving licence.

It's her lifeline.

She can't get to work without it. She's out in the car all weekend, taking the DGC out and about, clubs, shopping.

I feel so sorry for her - I can't begin to think how she's feeling.

She became exhausted in the run up to Christmas Day and we think tiredness triggered her episodes - as it does her son's. She has hardly slept since Christmas Eve as she says she's terrified of another 'seizure' as she thinks they only happen when she's asleep - the majority of her son's do. She's in a vicious cycle.

Her job is driving.

She has never had a day off since starting there 4 years ago.

She asked me to take her in this morning, when I arrived at her house at 7.30 everyone was asleep. She'd been awake most of the night again.

We had to rush to get to work (I felt awful for the DGC as she was upset and screaming at them whilst I was frantically trying to get them dressed/organised) - she has since explained her GP appointment to her manager - he said she can go in the warehouse until her further tests are complete.

Longer term - her work is nowhere near a bus route.

She loves driving because it's mainly solitary work (she's autistic) and it suited her to not have much interaction with people.

My life feels like - when one door closes many more slam in your face. I'm devastated for her. I feel like it's all spiralling out of control.

H has had personality change since major op and is becoming intolerable - no idea how long I can last. I see posts about leaving him because of his hateful behaviour and then posts about not leaving when someone is in poor health and it's not their fault.

Both DD have EDS.

Older DD - suspected epilepsy

Younger DD - had to give up work because of her DD's health issues. DGD requires 2/3 weeks in hospital every 10/12 weeks. (I visit every day - a major hospital, 3 hr round trip.)

All 6 DGC are ND - it's all my fault.

CRAP GENES - I've passed on a terrible legacy. (I'm not diagnosed autistic but I definitely am.)

Been trying to count blessings - going into New Year feels so bleak.

It would be nice not to worry.

OP posts:
MrsStickMan · 30/12/2025 18:47

This sounds terribly hard I’m so sorry.

Is she safe to be looking after 3 kids alone if she is having seizures? Is the father of her kids on the scene - could be temporarily take custody while she rests and sorts out the medical situation?

abandoning · 30/12/2025 19:38

Awful situation but if she had a day time side in the car she could kill someoen herself. Best to be safe.

tripleginandtonic · 30/12/2025 19:41

If it's night time fits she will hopefully respond to medication and be able to have her driver's license back.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/12/2025 20:20

@MrsStickMan

I am frightened for my daughter and frightened for my grandchildren. My daughter is completely alone - goes home to an empty house.

Her seizure symptoms are almost identical to her son's. Her heart rate goes really high just before an episode. She thinks she's aware during an episode but her son is not, which makes me think she's only aware towards the end of the episode. She's aware that her body is jerking up and off the bed, she's aware she can't move or speak - she can't even reach her phone.

She has downloaded an app to her watch which alerts me to a higher heart rate - I get a loud alert and a message.

We both recognise this as epilepsy - and she says that she now understands how her son feels after an episode. She's been feeling the after effects since her episode on Christmas Eve.

I don't know where to turn - she's so fragile right now. She'll feel so isolated. She did so much to make sure that her children have days out each weekend. Her world has been shattered.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/12/2025 20:21

@abandoning

Her father has put her vehicle away in his storage.

She understands the implications.

OP posts:
StepsNotMiles · 30/12/2025 20:31

Yes, it is horrible. She’s going to have to think of a different job or maybe even have a break and sign on benefits? Everyone has autism now, though. And if you didn’t have children, it wouldn’t have stopped any other autistic parent from having children if they wanted to.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/12/2025 20:41

@tripleginandtonic

Her son can be triggered during the day - motion, noise, lights, tiredness (he hardly sleeps), unfamiliar routine, heat. This is despite the maximum dose of a combination of drugs. His first suspected symptoms were noticed only during the night until he was 2 years old when it became clear that the episodes were also happening during the day.

I really admired how my daughter was always planning treats and days out for her children.

When I took her home this evening she said to remind her to pick balloons up for her son's birthday - but then remembered she can't pick them up.

She's a 40 min walk from town - 4 buses a day. She works out of town - no bus service. I'm not sure she's even safe on a bicycle.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 30/12/2025 20:45

@StepsNotMiles

When my DGD was diagnosed with autism it was suggested that it might be worth me having an assessment. I've suspected it for many years - had that lightbulb moment when my daughter was diagnosed in primary school.

OP posts:
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