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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lending my car

21 replies

Frog99 · 30/12/2025 01:03

I need some advice regarding step daughter 20 has a good well paid job, own home her and her boyfriend have good salary jobs, car has broken yet again, they asked us to pay last time and was told no, partner and I have own cars but low income due to disability, but add not disability vehicles, one of us work other doesn't so low income, they go on trips, holidays and enjoy spending and we have tried to instruct them to save, but to no avail, as one of us doesn't work we can get away with one vehicle and as such other has been loaned to step daughter for afew weeks whilst cars been at garage, it's booked in to be fixed but it's now looking very much like something bigger is going on and it's gonna cost alot, possibly more than car is worth so maybe going to have to get rid very old car, told partner the car was loaned for a set period of time and now I want car returning to myself as I'm missing my freedom and been able to have use of the car I'm effective paying tax insurance and mot on, yet today step daughter has stated when I asked for it back on x date (30 day insurance runs out) that I carnt have it back if their current car cannot be fixed or needs to go off road, no asking no can I just well no you cannot collect said car and keys if I haven't got my car back, I'm not in a position to be able to give/buy another vehicle for them, I've given them opportunity to sort something out and without sounding harsh it simply isn't my problem, unfortunately they live to far away to be able to give lifts, obviously if hospital appointment or food shopping I'd help out no kids involved and boyf can walk to work, it's ten min drive for her commute but a taxi is possible, am I been mean asking /taking my car back, if car ends up off road could really turn into months and I don't want them to use it, it's not a high value vehicle but it's mine, it allows me my freedom and I value it enormously

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 30/12/2025 01:06

I’d set a deadline of a couple of weeks so they gave time to repair/repkace and require it back. You’ve been generous already.

mondaytosunday · 30/12/2025 01:23

Tell her father to get the keys off her. Stop paying, stop lending. I think you can report it stolen if she doesn’t return it.

Gymnopedie · 30/12/2025 01:24

What an entitled little madam! What's DH's take on this? Is he saying that it's fine and you should suck it up, is he making placating noises like 'but she needs a car'? It ceratinly doesn't seem like he's telling her to get off her arse and sort something out because you want your car - you know, the car that you own and pay for.

If he won't stand up to her then I suggest you lay claim to the one car you have left, to get your freedom back. Let him be the one who has his freedom curtailed.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 30/12/2025 01:42

They are using the car and adding mileage and lowering the value of your asset- at no cost to themselves so of course they don’t want to return it. Suspect they are hoping you will ‘gift’ it to them.
Time to be assertive and say you need to keep to the original agreement (when the insurance runs out) and they will need to hire a car /get another replacement after that. If partner does not support you, be strong and say that he can ‘lend’ his car in that case. I imagine DSD will be less inclined to take advantage of her Dad.
You have been kind to lend your car - but enough is enough.

Original poster
Frog99 · 30/12/2025 02:04

I actually legally own both cars so lending his car isn't a option I paid for both , he's saying OK as the argument about it has already been had and I think if I let her have it cheap he would be happy but I'm not prepared to, I've asked him to sell some items of value his has to help her and that is his option and have no issue with that but it will be me who gets it in the neck and be sobbed to when I want it back, I'm also concerned as I've read excess on temporary insurance is high and if god forbid the worst happen it be me folking out for that also😏

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 30/12/2025 02:14

Tell her she either returns your car or you will get the police to do so. Her transport issues are not your problem.

DPotter · 30/12/2025 02:18

So let me get this straight - a pair of well paid, physically able, young couple are refusing to return a car they have borrowed from you. For which you have paid the additional car insurance. They are also wanting you to pay for a new car for them, or gift your car to them. And they are not paying you anything - not even a bottle of wine ? Well there's a pair of grifters or CFs for you

Hell no - you are not being unreasonable in any way shape or form.

I'd go and get the car sooner rather than later if you have a spare key. Please bear in mind if they don't return the car once the temp insurance is up and if they get caught with no insurance the car could be destroyed as well as any points on licence and fines being issued. And this will be on you as the owner of the car.

Your partner is being is being unsupportive so watch he doesn't lend them the car he uses

Trallers · 30/12/2025 02:32

You've told her when you need it back. I'd be inclined to say no more about it and just go over there early on that day and drive your car home. And you can be confused at any outrage you get in response because a) it was only insured until this day so what did they expect, b) you already told them it was for 30 days only, and c) presumably they were expecting you to collect the car because how would they get home otherwise??

You've been helpful already, no need to spend a fortune fixing their issues for them so no allowing anyone to guilt trip you! Just be friendly and firm.

Crochetandtea · 30/12/2025 02:49

Go and get your car when the 30 days are up. Do not leave without it.

Nearly50omg · 30/12/2025 03:56

ACynicalDad · 30/12/2025 01:06

I’d set a deadline of a couple of weeks so they gave time to repair/repkace and require it back. You’ve been generous already.

Are you on glue!!?!!! Why the fuck should she???!!! Have you heard of taxis and hire cars? They can sort themselves out! This car isn’t theirs and the “child” isn’t even op’s!!

ParallelLimes · 30/12/2025 03:59

Am I the only one wondering, what amazing well paid job does a 20-year-old have that has enabled them to get on the property ladder??
But of course don't lend your car to people, that's always a bad idea.

JamJar187 · 30/12/2025 04:26

You should never have given them the car in the first place.

Their car problems arent yours to solve.

ACynicalDad · 30/12/2025 07:13

Nearly50omg · 30/12/2025 03:56

Are you on glue!!?!!! Why the fuck should she???!!! Have you heard of taxis and hire cars? They can sort themselves out! This car isn’t theirs and the “child” isn’t even op’s!!

Show quote history

Somewhat excessive, I have an opinion, it’s fine for it to be different to yours. Yes I’ve heard of these things. I recognise it’s a pain for OP but also think it’s good to do it gently to minimise the fallout.

Springtimehere · 30/12/2025 07:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SugarCoatSandwich · 30/12/2025 07:26

😐 tell me you aren't also the only one working out of you and DH?

He sounds like a wet blanket who will passively sit back for an easy life where you can make things easier for his family and, in turn, him.

Just tell her you expect it on your driveway by X date or the police will be notified. You won't though, will you, because DH is a tactical wet blanket who will give you earache in a way henwont others because he wants all the glory of being the Good Guy without actually doing anything and standing by you jeopardises that view he has of himself.

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 07:28

Just text her....

"Hi X, when we spoke before there seems to have been a misunderstanding about the car. As you will remember when we lent you the car it was until X date - this was because I need my car back on that date. I'm afraid this isn't negotiable. I hope your car is fixed by then, but even if its not i still need the car back on that date. Would you like me to come and collect it from you on that date, or will you bring it to me and I can give you a lift home?"

tanstaafl · 30/12/2025 07:31

DeathStare · 30/12/2025 07:28

Just text her....

"Hi X, when we spoke before there seems to have been a misunderstanding about the car. As you will remember when we lent you the car it was until X date - this was because I need my car back on that date. I'm afraid this isn't negotiable. I hope your car is fixed by then, but even if its not i still need the car back on that date. Would you like me to come and collect it from you on that date, or will you bring it to me and I can give you a lift home?"

This, but remove “I’m afraid”

Original poster
Frog99 · 02/01/2026 01:49

Scream she's saying when I asked for it back we will have to wait see what happens with my cr it's gonna be a fight😭

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 02/01/2026 09:32

Frog99 · 02/01/2026 01:49

Scream she's saying when I asked for it back we will have to wait see what happens with my cr it's gonna be a fight😭

Tell her straight that it’s not her car and if she doesn’t return it now then the police will be notified

DPotter · 02/01/2026 19:59

This is not a negotiation situation Frog99.

This is a reclaim your property situation. No asking - this is a telling her you will be collecting the car and if there is any messing around, eg she's parked it somewhere else, you will phone the police and report it stolen.

I sincerely hope your DP is wading into battle with you. If not - let him know there will be consequences for him too.

Do you have any relatives / friends, preferably male and large who can accompany you ? Or sons of family / friends.

Go in with guns blazing !

Original poster
Frog99 · 02/01/2026 20:41

DPotter · 02/01/2026 19:59

This is not a negotiation situation Frog99.

This is a reclaim your property situation. No asking - this is a telling her you will be collecting the car and if there is any messing around, eg she's parked it somewhere else, you will phone the police and report it stolen.

I sincerely hope your DP is wading into battle with you. If not - let him know there will be consequences for him too.

Do you have any relatives / friends, preferably male and large who can accompany you ? Or sons of family / friends.

Go in with guns blazing !

Not really dp will take me to collect but she will be as mardy as fuck and crying after discussing with dp I have said he has to be on board with this or sell some of his own possessions that are of value to bail her out as "" our "" money is not going to be used!

OP posts:
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