Sons dad has just been caught by one of them online child predator groups

[TryingToFigureLifeOut]

As the title suggests. Son is 15 and saw a video of his dad shared across social media yesterday. The video was quite unreserved and the language used stating exactly word for word what his dad had been saying and sending to these children was very vulgar. He hasn’t had much contact with his dad throughout the years however it’s still his dad so is upsetting for my son. Son seems to have taken the news quite calmly however he’s very placid in general and doesn’t really open up, he just gets on with things like me. I’m one of those parents that has always warned my kids off the potential that anybody could be a paedophile and never to trust anybody when it comes to that regardless of who they are family or not, a doctor, police officer, teacher ect so my kids are not naive in that respect. I’m just wondering if anyone could point me in the right direction for a support for my son as I’m concerned the reality of it all might him in the next few days.

Oh god your poor son. What a thing to find out.

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice (full of cold and fuzzy headed). But man, he is going to need to speak to someone about it and it will probably take some time to sink in. What a shock for him.

Your best bet is to go through the school. They will need to know; incase your DS is going to be bullied because of this.

I'd also be using the opportunity to have a conversation with DS about if anything happened to him at the hands of his Dad. Has he ever felt uncomfortable undressing/showering round at his house even?

I'd be very frank with him about the consequences for his Dad and explain about child protection register and prosecution.

Im just so so sorry for your DS and you. It happened to someone i went to school with this year. My ex-classmate (we're both in our 30s now) Dad got caught by this gang and the video was horrific. 💐

@Hufflemuff Sorry I should have added my son doesn’t go to school so thankfully won’t have the added worry of bullies. I have asked my son if his dad ever tried or suggested anything to him and he said no absolutely not.

Thankyou for your reply. X

This is why I hate the presence of social media sometimes and videos like this, people never think about the impact on innocent members that will suffer because of this.
My dad is in prison for sexual abuse on a child, he was well known in our areas as owned numerous businesses, and it was all over social media, I even saw comments saying it was us he sexually abused. Not only did we have to deal with the fact that our only parent we had left (mum passed away when I was 18, my sister just 14), was capable of such things, and we didnt know him at all, but then had to deal with the comments and stares of being associated with him.
My nephew was around 11 and got severely bullied in school and had a really difficult time. Please talk to the school and get him as much support as possible. My nephew didnt have trained support and he went down a dark path.

Sorry op just saw your son doesnt go to school!

Your poor son and you. Now you need to establish if he was abused and speak to the school to warn them. I would also go the gp and get some urgent counselling.

💐

@Ithinkihatethislittlelife It is definitely a shock especially as he saw the video too. I have explained to him his dad may or may not go to prison and that he can’t have anymore contact with him. He must be feeling upset that he’s essentially lost his dad and after years of never having him in his life now this so he’s gone again x

He hasn't had much contact? My first concern would be if he had done something to your son.

No advice but I'm so so sorry this happened OP. With these online predator groups I feel while the intent of keeping children safe online is there but the stings do more harm than good.

This is why these social media ‘pedo hunters’ are so unethical. Not a single shit given about the impact on the wider family of this man, especially kids who have to go to school knowing this has been all over social media. But hey as long as they get all their likes and adoration from the Facebook community.

@SqishySqashmas No he hasn’t had much contact he was generally a useless dad who just wasn’t bothered. He had never been left alone with my son as a small child, I would pick his dad up and go out somewhere so he could see my son. My son had only recently started staying over with his dad which wasn’t his dad’s house anyway. He saw my son a few times when he was around 6 and then disappeared again until a couple of years back and during that time he was never was alone with my son. I have asked my son though if he has ever tried to do anything to him in the recent months he has stayed over with his dad and he said no

@ahhshucks I agree. They even mentioned my son in the video and about how he could forget about seeing him again. This group also said in the video that they’d told the parents of my sons dad too and how his family know everything so I’m guessing they either messaged his parents online or went and knocked at their door before they caught sons dad

I would approach school, or college or wherever your dc receives his education for support.
You can also contact the Lucy Faithful Foundation for advice.

If you're in the Southwest you could try this charity, or they may have links in other regions https://www.actsfast.org.uk/

Is he home schooled or at a school?

@eurotravel He is home schooled

Things to tell him:
He hasn't done anything wrong
His dad doing this doesn't mean he himself is a bad person, sexual deviant etc
He is his own person and makes his own decisions, he is not predetermined by his father's actions
With regard to gossip, People who matter won't care, and people who care don't matter

I'm so sorry op, this must be such a shock.

I will say that one of these groups recently did one of these live broadcasts and they got the wrong guy, worth baring in mind until you can confirm for sure.

There's a charity called Stop It Now, who were very helpful to someone I know, and her children got counselling through them and she still goes on the forums there regularly to speak to others in the same situation.

Tell your son that he hasn't done anything wrong.
Therapy is important, but you'll need to almost interview thrm about their experience with this situation. You need someone with experience, and with your son's age.
Really feel for you both. They is alot to deal with

Hopefully he did nothing howevet your son may have blocked it out. I winder if the police will want to speak ti him.

Look at the Lucy faithful foundation, that are responsible for stop it now but also have other services for families and teenagers , I've worked with them professionally and they are very good

This is their resource for teenagers it includes web chat and emails if he doesn't want to talk to someone on the phone, there is resource for teenagers worried about themselves or others' sexual behaviours

https://shorespace.org.uk/?gl=11aeciwzgclauMTcxODczMTM2OC4xNzY3MDg1Mjk5

Things for both of you:
He and you are your own unique people
He never has to see his father again

You might find the police will interview him and you. You might find the NSPCC or counselling helpful with the right person.

The one family I know who had a father who abused in the extended family, found it extremely helpful to remove their surnames (his name) they all became mother’s name - I seem to remember they did this by court order not deed poll and court agreed (father was in prison), they wrote to all financial companies saying they had nothing to do with him and decree absolute etc

They also moved as the father was likely to come out of prison and live back in the local area.

One child changed their name both first name and surname as local press and gossip had published his first name as in he is a father with his Chris aged 10 …(not real name).

Also for sentencing purposes it does not matter if they were talking to a real child online or an undercover police officer etc - it all goes on evidence and court procedure - laws have changed and guidance has changed and if for example someone is talking to a child online and it becomes sexual, that sentence is exactly the same as a ‘real child’ to ‘undercover police officer’- the two are treated the same. Glad he has been caught but the problem with online storms and publishing is it is not done in a way that considers the innocent. I hope you have a good 2026.

Christ. That’s a huge shock for your son.

As others have said, he’ll probably need some help to process it. Even if he appears calm about it, he will no doubt be in turmoil inside. You can barely imagine just scrolling on SM and coming across that. I’m glad he’s not in standard schooling as he would 100% be targeted for this.

As for the ex, I hope they jail him for a very, very long time. Beast.