A 16yo (female) family member has been chatting with a man online who is pushing 40! I read through loads of the messages, but there are literally hundreds. He lives in America and has daughters. They chat on a social media app and the messages where they chat are private. They've been chatting since she was just 15. From what I've seen, there isn't outright sexting or explicit content . But there has been flirty and suggestive conversations. He often asks her what she's wearing and she will tell him. He's asked for pictures of her new hair, nails etc. and she's sent them. From the media I can only see this has happened a few times and most of the pictures between them are of her room (her celebrity posters, music collection etc.) and many of her pets. But horrifyingly she also sent pictures of her middle school aged sister.
He's made comments about her shoes saying they are "kinda sexy" and is she sure she's old enough for them. She replied basically saying oh well she likes them. She thanks him for her compliments. He compliments her a lot on her emo style, having mature taste for her age etc. She's told him she doesn't really have any experience with boys and other adult situations...he kept making comments about her being innocent and how he loves that. He also sent her a suggestive meme about "calling daddy and it isn't your father"
They mostly make casual chat about their (mostly her) day, about music because they apparently have the same taste in music, about her style. But they have had deeper conversations about her family life, mental health problems, trauma where he gave her a lot of advice and support and she was very grateful and made comments like "you're definitely great" He calls her cute and sends her heart emojis sometimes.
He lives in a different country, but says he has friends that lives in the same city as her and might visit them next year. I haven't seen him suggesting meeting up, but it seems like laying the ground to me? Early on when they started chatting, he asked about her parents and if they would mind her talking to "an old man" and if they go through her devices...she said they don't and they trust her, but if she had something to hide she wouldn't hide it in her phone anyway.
She thinks she's very mature and can handle anything and just like talking to older people. I can't tell if she thinks it's all completely innocent, or if she likes the attention (im NOT victim blaming, I promise) Is this guy an immature weirdo who likes talking to younger people, but isn't taking it further, or is he a groomer just playing the long game? I will tell her parents, but unfortunately her mum is often being a "cool mum" and her dad is pretty much emotionally checked out and can be abusive himself.