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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you ask adult children for loan to buy luxury item?

23 replies

walkingshp · 29/12/2025 20:44

as in laws visit is approaching, all sorts of feelings crop up. the main one is regarding their financial ’attitude’ - when our first was 6month old they asked husband for a 5 figure loan, for a luxury item. we could afford to give it, the more i think about it the crazier it seems..i dont think id ever bring myself to do this, no matter how rich my kids might end up being…this and a host of other things are slowly building up my resentment. husband agreed with me in principle, but when lightly probed, he doesn’t see it as a massive issue. i think he might even be happy to give out more loans, unless i object - as surely the requests will come again (first request was for ‘investment’ in their holiday home).

OP posts:

Holdonforsummer · 29/12/2025 20:45

Did you get the money back again?

B1anche · 29/12/2025 20:56

If you've got the spare cash, and they pay it back within a reasonable agreed time frame, what does it matter?

I couldn't imagine asking anyone for a loan for luxury item, but I don't see the problem as long as it is repaid promptly.

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 29/12/2025 20:58

My dd got a bank loan I used to buy a new car (second hand but decent)...
I made every single payment..
We have an unspoken family 'rule' car related we help each other..

Fantomfartflinger · 29/12/2025 21:02

Investment in a holiday home? Will you get the money back or will you get to use it instead of a payback?

You being able to afford it is different ti being swimming in so much money that you don’t know what to do with. So it depends. My guess is that even well off people need to save for their retirement and/or would like the money to go towards a luxury for themselves and not other people. I think dc ire different to parents too and you’d rather dc, if anyone else were to have it, it should be dc.

FuzzyWolf · 29/12/2025 21:04

I don’t see the issue. You said you could afford it and as it was a loan, presumably they paid you back.

If it’s an amount you can’t afford or you just don’t want to lend them money, say no. They are not unreasonable to ask and you are not unreasonable to say no.

mixedcereal · 29/12/2025 21:06

But you’ve just said you could afford to give it?

BettysRoasties · 29/12/2025 21:43

Money flows down not up.

Unless in emergencies.

Jeschara · 29/12/2025 21:57

I would object, if they can't afford to pay for a luxury item themselves they should not have it.
They have no shame to ask. I have never asked my adult son and daughter for a loan.

Iloveacurry · 29/12/2025 22:01

Well your ILs can’t really be skint and in need for a loan if they’ve got a holiday home!

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 29/12/2025 22:03

Was it a loan or an investment? Do/will you make money from it?

ColinOfficeTrolley · 29/12/2025 22:06

Agree with pp's. More context needed.

If I could afford it and it was agreed to be paid back by 'X' date, and the debt was repaid, I wouldn't be arsed what a loved one wanted to lend the money for.

HouseWithASeaView · 29/12/2025 22:14

In my 20s, I lent my parents £10k to buy a boat. They were about to take a loan out. The interest they were going to be paying was much more than I was earning on my cash savings so I gave them the money and they repaid it at a rate which was more than I would have got on my savings account but less than they would have paid. Everyone - other than the bank - was a winner.

iamnotalemon · 29/12/2025 22:18

I’ve learnt the hard way and won’t loan money to friends or family anymore

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2025 22:21

As long as your husband is part owner in the holiday home.

BitterTits · 29/12/2025 22:25

Do you and your DH earn about equally? If one of you earns a lot more and that's what makes you financially comfortable, I'd say it's up to that partner to have the final say in whether or not the money is lent.

Original poster

walkingshp · 29/12/2025 22:54

we did not invest in the holiday home, they bought it outright in the end so obviously did not need the money, but would have welcomed the extra help. for me, the timing was way off- we just had a baby . even if we could afford it, so what? why would you ask your son for so much money when he just had a baby?! there are better ways to use 10k in this context: you could set up an investment account for your baby for example, rather than to give out loans to people who own multiple properties mortgage free and have never offered any form of help towards your new family..i just cannot see myself doing this once my children grow up but obviously interested in seeing other points of view

OP posts:

PhilandKirst · 29/12/2025 22:56

Parents fund children, not vice versa unless it’s an emergency.

was it definitely a loan rather than asking you whether you’d like to come in as co owners?

Original poster

walkingshp · 29/12/2025 22:57

Iloveacurry · 29/12/2025 22:01

Well your ILs can’t really be skint and in need for a loan if they’ve got a holiday home!

no of course not! they are retired after v high flying jobs. they did warn my husband not to expect any inheritance cos they plan to spend it all. guess they forgot to mention they will need extra money from him for random luxury items :)

OP posts:

Jugendstiel · 29/12/2025 23:00

Did they scrimp and save to give your DH a good educationb or to help pay his way through uni? If so, they may feel they invested in enabling him to get rich and now think it's fair to get a bit of return (Not saying i agree with this attitude - I don;t. But I do understand it.)

Or do they see it as you coming in with them on the family holiday home? Is it a place they hope you will use and enjoy too, and get your money back when it is sold or passed down to you? There's a bit of a difference between a luxury item that can be enjoyed by everyone who paid towards it, and one which is just for the recipient, such as an expensive watch or holiday.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2025 06:41

I cannot even imagine asking my adult children for money. They sound entitled and pretty awful. If they were struggling on just a state pension and needed to choose between heating and eating, that would be different. To ask their child for money for a luxury item is next level cheeky fuckery.

Do you and your DH have joint or separate finances? If he is giving joint money to his parents, I would just put my foot down and refuse.

Tulipsriver · 30/12/2025 07:01

No, I think it's cultural to an extent but I feel really weird about weird about the idea of money flowing up. Parents help their children out, not the other way around.

I'd lend either of my parents money if they actually needed it for something, but they would be incredibly embarrassed to ask. I'd tell them not to be, but I'd be equally mortified if my children ever lent me money in the future.

Original poster

walkingshp · 30/12/2025 09:26

the individuals in question here are nordic

OP posts:

X123x321X · 30/12/2025 09:39

I think it depends on the people involved. A couple I know lent parents 100K for a luxury purchase. My friend wasn't well off apart from good savings -mostly wedding presents from wealthy aunts and uncles.

A few years later the grandparents presented the younger couple with a house.

I think you know when someone is trying to take advantage.

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