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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting another child?

19 replies

OrangeSequin · 29/12/2025 18:15

For context, I have one DS who is 11 months very soon, without a doubt the best thing that’s happened to me, I always wanted a DS.

Me and DP rent a 2 bed which is spacious but I don’t like the idea of falling pregnant and having a DD because there is no room and we’re not in the position to pay more rent for a 3 bed, in our area it’s around £2,300+ for a 3 bed as I’ve looked.

I’m also not returning to my previous full time role and instead have a new part time role in a school and DP is self employed so that alone makes the whole getting accepted for a new place harder than when I was FT.

DP has mentioned several times he wants to try next year or the year after but I haven’t really entertained the conversation. I’m honestly happy with one and done.

AIBU to not want another child due to first space where we live, I wouldn’t want DS and maybe a DD share a room, obviously if it was a boy it’d work more but obviously you can’t guarantee that. Secondly due to costs, everything is so expensive!! Thirdly, I’m happy with my life now, I worry that having another child would maybe ruin that for me? It’s the starting all over again that just isn’t desirable to me.

For those who just have one child, how have you found it?

OP posts:

Sillysoggyspaniel · 29/12/2025 18:25

If you don't want another child, then that is not unreasonable. However, I don't think the space thing is an issue for at least ten years. We have a three bed and my DS and DD share a room.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 29/12/2025 18:29

I think you are being very practical and smart. A 2 bedroom for 2 kids STUFF will be crowded very soon. The toddler toys are insane in my house and spread everywhere it’s like following a cyclone round and I’m constantly cleaning up barbie shoes LEGO pieces.

Especially if DH is self employed and you are part time it doesn’t sound like you will be able to move for a long time. Be honest with DH but see how you feel in 2 years - you may change your mind.

Endofyear · 29/12/2025 18:40

Your DS is still a baby - I think I'd hold off saying never and wait and see how you feel in a year or two, you might feel differently then. Be honest with DH about how you're feeling now and say that you don't want to consider another child for a year or two and possibly may feel the same then as you do now. It's ok to feel how you feel and it's ok for him to feel differently but good communication is key.

toomuchfaff · 29/12/2025 18:40

YANBU

No matter the reasoning; if one half of a couple doesnt want a child - then there should be no child. Its really that simple.

Dont be pressured, dont have a child because they want one, dont have a child because people always have two.

Stick to your guns, if you dont want a child dont have one

Allswellthatendswelll · 29/12/2025 18:41

11 months is very young. Unless you are late 30s you might feel differently in 2/3/4 years. If you don't thats ok though.

StressedoutFTM998 · 29/12/2025 18:45

I would have absolutely NOT entertained the idea of another baby at 11 months. I didn't want another baby, I definitely didn't want two 2 years apart. Fuck that, it's a horrible age gap.

HOWEVER my son is now almost 18 months and I am dead set on another baby!!! Just not now, I want them 3-4 years apart.

I am not saying decide now, I myself am an only child and I am fine.

Just don't throw away/sell the baby stuff yet, see how you feel.

ILoveLaLaLand · 29/12/2025 18:47

It's your choice whether or not to have a second child.
If you don't want another one then don't have another one as you could end up resenting him/her.

You may feel different in 1 or 2 years or never - that's a very individual thing.

If you are in your thirties your chances of getting pregnant again diminish rapidly after 35 and your chances of having a down syndrome baby increases significantly. Just some practical things to be aware of but not of concern if one and done is what you want.

mynameiscalypso · 29/12/2025 18:55

We stuck with one for a number of reasons - including very practical reasons like space/work/money. DS is 6 and we’ve never regretted our decision for a minute. I love the life we’ve built together.

Original poster

OrangeSequin · 29/12/2025 18:59

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I’m 32 in July so still have some time but I think what most of you are saying is right, never say never. I’ve always kept my baby clothes etc just in case.

I would never have a baby just to please DP either.

I loved being pregnant, I had it easy no sickness no pain etc but I just don’t love the idea of restarting the newborn phase right now. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a few years, maybe I won’t!

OP posts:

KimberleyClark · 29/12/2025 19:14

I would have absolutely NOT entertained the idea of another baby at 11 months. I didn't want another baby, I definitely didn't want two 2 years apart. Fuck that, it's a horrible age gap.

My DB is almost exactly two years older than me, born in same month few days apart. He could be a PITA when we were kids but we are very close now, he grew into a good man.

StressedoutFTM998 · 29/12/2025 19:51

KimberleyClark · 29/12/2025 19:14

I would have absolutely NOT entertained the idea of another baby at 11 months. I didn't want another baby, I definitely didn't want two 2 years apart. Fuck that, it's a horrible age gap.

My DB is almost exactly two years older than me, born in same month few days apart. He could be a PITA when we were kids but we are very close now, he grew into a good man.

I meant it's a horrible age gap for the parents.

It's lovely if you can put up with quick succession of pregnancy, zero sleep, pregnancy during full time work and still zero sleep while caring for 1 year old, birth, newborn, care for newborn and 1 year old at the same time while no one gets any sleep. No thank you!

Everyone I know with 2 under 2 is having a tremendously difficult time. I look at my toddler and no way could I throw a pregnancy into this mix 😅

Scottishskifun · 29/12/2025 19:55

There are 3 things I would say

1: Your still definitely in the thick of it with a baby enjoy them I couldn't even contemplate another til my DS1 was over 2.

2: A 2 bedroom house shouldn't be the one holding you back if you do decide down the line. Our children share a room (2 DS's) but we made the decision if we did have a girl then we wouldn't move til eldest would be 10 (there is a 3 year gap so plenty of time). Actually sharing a room is a blessing they keep themselves company chat to each other then go to sleep! No ping pong for us parents between rooms in our house.

3: Don't do anything to please someone but don't rule it out given time is on your side. Dr's recommend 24 months for your body to recover. It's a good one to state to your DP. It doesn't promise it doesn't rule out just you won't consider it til your body is recovered.

Gowlett · 29/12/2025 19:59

I’m happy with one. We’re older parents. DS is 5 now.
Your baby is still small, you might change your mind…

Chickenfox · 29/12/2025 20:10

StressedoutFTM998 · 29/12/2025 18:45

I would have absolutely NOT entertained the idea of another baby at 11 months. I didn't want another baby, I definitely didn't want two 2 years apart. Fuck that, it's a horrible age gap.

HOWEVER my son is now almost 18 months and I am dead set on another baby!!! Just not now, I want them 3-4 years apart.

I am not saying decide now, I myself am an only child and I am fine.

Just don't throw away/sell the baby stuff yet, see how you feel.

How do you know it’s a horrible age gap if you don’t have two kids with that age gap?! Everyone is different. I liked a 22m age gap so much that I did it again and had three under four. Leaving it longer and then returning the baby days would have felt more difficult for me personally.

OP, YANBU to stick at one if that’s what you want! Or to have another in a few years if you change your mind.

Meadowfinch · 29/12/2025 20:10

Your baby is 11 months old. It's perfectly reasonable that you don't want another one. You're ankle deep in nappies and sleepless nights. Your partner is insane.

However, in three years time, when your little one is potty trained, sleeping through, attending nursery, and you may be in a different financial position, that would be the time to consider whether you want another child.

Regardless of sex, two very small children could share a room for a few years at least, so don't worry about that either.

Allswellthatendswelll · 29/12/2025 22:01

I have always been quite defensive of larger gaps as we had secondary infertility but I think small gaps can work if that's what people want. Women shouldn't feel obliged to have a two year gap though. It's biologically normal not to feel like having a baby when you've got a baby under one! It's nature's way of making sure you don't waste your resources. Your partner doesn't get that so maybe explain it to him.

You could have a baby at 35 or 36 or 37 probably with no problem if you didn't have trouble concieving first time around. See how you feel in 2 or 3 years.

It's also completely fine to be one and done.

plinkyplonk123 · 29/12/2025 22:03

I think it the answer is pretty simple that if you don’t want another child then don’t have one. The only people who are unreasonable are the ones making making you feel like you have to

Anon501178 · 29/12/2025 22:22

If you are in your thirties your chances of getting pregnant again diminish rapidly after 35 and your chances of having a down syndrome baby increases significantly.

Not necessarily....I am pregnant with my 3rd conceived at 37.5 and literally took one random time to get there.
The downs syndrome risk does increase but is still fairly unlikely.

Iocanepowder · 29/12/2025 22:28

It doesn’t matter what your DH wants, he isn’t the one having to go through pregnancy and birth for a start.

Pregnancy can be quite different when you have to look after a toddler. My DC2 is 2 and gives me 20 min battles trying to change her nappy.

Also others may disagree, but I would have not had another child if i didn’t have enough bedrooms. DC2 is a horrific sleeper (partly due to a previous health condition) and no way would it have been fair to put her in the same room as DC1.

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