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Online dating cat fishing - normal?

6 replies

Slinky1460 · 29/12/2025 17:37

After a long period of severe illness, from which she is almost recovered, my DD decided that she was in the right frame of mind to try dating so signed up to one of the popular dating apps frequented by a younger demographic. She connected with one guy right away, local to us, and he was very keen so they met up a few times and got on really well. Nothing intimate, just getting to know each other. Then one day, they arranged to meet and he literally disappeared off the face of the earth. Ghosted her and removed all traces of their conversations. She was upset but just put it down to him not having the maturity to tell her he wasn't interested.

After a few months offline, someone liked her on the same app, and she made sure to do ask all the right questions, and take things very slowly based on her other experience. They had lots in common and he asked if she wanted to go out and he'd plan the date. They live an hour and a half away from each other and he said he would drive to her.

The day before this much-anticipated date, he blocked her on multiple platforms right after she asked him to send a video picture and his surname before they met. There were small but inconsequential things that didn't add up, and could easily be explained away. But, looks like he's a catfish.

She's so hurt that it's happened again and all I want to do is contact all the places he referenced in his conversations and send them his picture so I can track him down and expose him. I know I'm going too far, by the way, that's just how I feel right now.

Is online dating just about players, liars and fakes?

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 29/12/2025 17:42

This is very bad luck! Your poor DD. I think sometimes this is malicious catfishing and sometimes people are on dating apps as they are gamified and they like chat but really have no intention of dating - even if they are saying to themselves they do - and pull out last minute.

My advice, keep online chat to the safety stuff and a bit of get to know you. Then meet for a short date somewhere open early on. Flush out these jokers early on.

OneOfEachPlease · 29/12/2025 17:42

Or have a video chat early as a non-negotiable

BePoisedPlumUser · 29/12/2025 17:43

Sadly it would appear so.

Catza · 29/12/2025 19:31

I haven't come across this but, I guess, it maybe less common in my age bracket. I did have one guy not show up to a virtual chat and assumed he was cat fishing. No loss though.
Advice for your daughter is to take things slow after meeting in person. Up until the first date, I'd take things as quick as possible. Couple of messages exchange, all the usual safety measures and then arrange a date. And do it with multiple guys at the same time. No point investing in one person from the get go unless she has no energy capacity for multiple dates.

Endofyear · 29/12/2025 19:33

It sounds like your DD has been very unlucky so far 😕 but to look on the bright side, at least she found out early on in both cases. Maybe research some different dating apps and try and find one that has more people looking for actual relationships rather than hook ups? Either way, it's good that she's being cautious and trusting her gut instincts.

exhaustedbeinghappy · 29/12/2025 22:07

DD has tried dating app (Hinge I think) very unsuccessfully. No catfishing but as PP have said a lot of guys seem to use it as ‘entertainment’ with no intention of ever going on a date. She’s been on and off it for a couple of years, and as an attractive young (22 yo) woman I’ve been amazed she hasn’t had more than maybe 3 dates!

Some that clearly just want to chat online, some that a little social media checking seem to already have girlfriends, plenty of ghosting and no luck at all.

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